To the Back of Beyond(18)



In the car she told the children that their father had used his bank card a few hours ago on Lake Zurich, and that was where they were driving. There wasn’t much more to be said, and after they had all been silent for a while, Astrid turned on the radio and straightaway switched it off again because the music was still more insufferable than the silence.

In Zurich there was heavy traffic, even though it wasn’t yet the rush hour. Astrid felt increasingly nervous, as though every minute counted. At the end of an hour and a half they were there, and Astrid parked the car in a large gravel area not far from the lake. Ella jumped out, Konrad had fallen asleep. She woke him gently. He stretched and complained a little. Get a move on, said Ella impatiently, otherwise Papa’ll have gone again.

They got directions to the sportswear store, which was in a new shopping mall on the edge of town. There was a main nave with high glass ceiling, from where a supermarket and various smaller businesses branched off to the sides. What about waiting for me here? asked Astrid. Ella and Konrad sat on a stone bench outside the sportswear store. Before Astrid went in, she took a last look behind her. Ella was fiddling with her Nintendo, Konrad sat next to her with slumped shoulders, watching. For a moment Astrid was almost overwhelmed with sympathy for them. She herself would somehow manage to deal with Thomas’s disappearance, even though she couldn’t understand it, but the children were helplessly exposed to their feelings. For years already Astrid had the sense she couldn’t get through to them and was merely accompanying them through their lives like some distant observer.

A member of the sales staff asked if she could help. Astrid awkwardly explained what it was about. She held the picture of Thomas in her hand the whole time. The sales assistant hesitated, then said she couldn’t give out information about individual purchases. She didn’t seem to be terribly sure of her ground. Astrid wondered whether the woman believed a word she, Astrid, was saying, or if she maybe thought she was dealing with a madwoman. Do you think I could speak to the manager? she asked. I wouldn’t know anything anyway, said the sales assistant, I only came on shift at noon. Hold on a moment. She disappeared. Astrid looked at the stock: sports gear, sneakers and hiking shoes, camping equipment, freeze-dried MREs. She took a packet in her hand and read through the list of ingredients, as though they would tell her about Thomas’s intentions and whereabouts. Then she saw the assistant approaching her again, with a second, younger woman at her side. They were talking, but stopped just before they reached Astrid.

The younger woman shook hands with Astrid and introduced herself: Bordoni, I’m the manager of the store. She had to be more or less Astrid’s age, was petite and had a pretty face and long dark hair. Even though her staff member would certainly have told her what it was all about, she asked to hear everything again from the beginning. Astrid named the substantial sum of money that Thomas had spent in the store and the time of the transaction. The assistant had gone away to look after another customer. I’m afraid I’m not allowed to give you any information, said the manager, you see, I can’t even check your story. Astrid cast a despairing look out into the mall, but the bench where she had left Ella and Konrad wasn’t visible from where she stood. The strength drained out of her, she felt dizzy and grabbed hold of the nearest thing, which happened to be a green down jacket that slid off its hanger and fell to the floor. Astrid found herself gripping the stand, and hung there almost doubled up, and struggling for breath. Do you not feel well? asked the manager. Come with me. She took Astrid under the arm, and walked her to a back room behind the counter with the cash registers. Sit down, I’ll bring you a glass of water. She remained standing in front of Astrid while she drank. I’ve got my children waiting outside, said Astrid, I have to check up on what they’re doing. Better now? asked the manager. Astrid nodded. Is that your husband? asked the manager, pointing to the photo that Astrid was still clutching in her hand. Let’s see it. She looked at the picture quickly and gave it back. I was the one who served him this morning, but there’s not much more I can tell you. For a tiny moment, Astrid had the absurd thought that the woman was on Thomas’s side, his secret lover and co-conspirator, and the two of them were playing a hideous trick on her.

Jennifer, said the woman, shaking hands with her again. Her husband had come in soon after the shop had opened, she had asked him if she could help, but he had declined and said he just wanted to have a look around. Then I served another customer, she said. I thought he might have gone already, when he walked up to the checkout counter with a whole pile of merchandise. Can you tell me what he bought? asked Astrid. To give you precise details I’d have to check at the register, but I think I can remember most of it. A pair of hiking shoes, a pair of trekking pants, a waterproof jacket, a rucksack. She stopped to think. A battery torch, no, it was a headlamp. And socks, we’ve got them on sale. I think that was everything. No, there was a pocketknife as well. I remember I had to unlock the window. One of the new ones from the Pioneer range, with black Alox scales. Did he say anything to you? asked Astrid. What he wanted it for? Where he was going? I made some remark about the weather, said the manager, that it was supposed to rain tonight. But he didn’t say much. I don’t remember. I see so many customers every day. How did he strike you? asked Astrid. What was his appearance like? His manner? Friendly. He seemed a bit tired possibly, and he was unshaven. His shirt was crumpled. Otherwise nothing. Just an ordinary customer.

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