To Have It All(26)
I bit my lower lip as I stared at Pim, an internal struggle waging war inside of me. She looked . . . happy. Her day with Max had gone well the day before. Should I leave her again? Then I remembered the lady that was there the day before. What was her name? Helen? Would she be coming over again? I hated the idea of another woman I didn’t know with my daughter, but then I thought maybe Pim would be better cared for if she were here.
Shooting my eyes to Max, I said, “Will Hel . . .” My tongue went limp, and my sentence ended abruptly when I met Max’s hard gaze. He didn’t look angry . . . no, it was something else. He looked . . .
No.
I wouldn’t let myself think it.
Was he checking me out? I remembered what Max looked like when he was turned on and this look . . . it wasn’t it. This look felt darker . . . this look felt mysterious, like something I couldn’t explain.
Jerking my gaze from his, I bent and kissed Pim. I had to get out of there. I could not get caught up in Max’s sultry, sexy stare. The fact I even found it remotely sexy when I knew the person Max was meant I was losing it.
“I have to go,” I murmured. “She’s had breakfast. There’s a notebook in the diaper bag for you to write down when she eats, naps, and poops.”
Lowering his head, he pinched the bridge of his nose. “Yeah, that’s good,” he grumbled. “What time will you be back?”
“Three. Call me if you need anything.” Kissing Pim one last time, I gave myself a little pep talk. It’ll be okay, Waverly. Pim will be okay.
Max followed me to the door and stood in the doorway as I stepped out of his apartment. Crossing his arms, he smirked, “I’ll take good care of her, Waverly.”
Glaring at him, I shot back with, “If you even remotely care about her at all, Max, you’ll sign the papers.” I didn’t look back as I marched to the elevator, my blood pumping hot as I stabbed at the call button. My anger had many facets, not just my irritation that Max hadn’t signed the papers. No, it was much more complex than that. I hated him, and it made me angry that I hated him. I wanted to feel indifferent, no matter how evil I thought he was. When I’d concocted this crazy plan to overwhelm him into submission by making him be a parent, I hadn’t realized the old pain it would drum up; the bad memories it would evoke. I thought I’d gotten past it all, but I hadn’t, not in the least.
Max rejecting her was expected. Max doing absolutely anything to not have to see Pim was expected. Him taking her, seemingly without any objection, was not expected. What was happening? I’d begged him, several times, to see her, to love her, and every time he rejected my pleas. Max may have loved to torture me, but even I knew he wouldn’t go this far to do it. So what was it? Could it be that he wanted to be a part of Pimberly’s life? Had he changed his mind? Or was this like a trial run; was he testing his limits? The realization that this situation may not work out positive as far as I was concerned weighed on me now. Max could end up wanting Pimberly as a part of his life, and although in the past, it was something I had wanted—for her to know her father—I’d evolved since then, and I didn’t want that anymore. The fact was, even if he had turned over a new leaf, he didn’t deserve her. Not after everything he’d done.
As the elevator doors opened, a tear trickled down my cheek as I rolled into one of the most painful memories of my life.
Max had worked at Phelps and Winsor for a little over a year. In fact, the day after he’d received the call from Mr. Winsor, himself, offering him the position was the day he’d swept me away to Vegas, and we were married by an Elvis impersonator. It was a job he’d desperately wanted, and he’d considered me his good luck charm when he got it—hence the fast wedding.
The reception area where I sat and waited had shiny marble floors with large windows that revealed the most breathtaking view of the city, but the atmosphere was uncomfortable for me. Not because it lacked beauty; quite the contrary. The office was pristine, the view was epic, and the men and women bustling about were all gorgeous with impeccable ensembles and flawless hair. No, I felt out of place because amidst all that beauty was me—four days postpartum. My belly was jiggly, my hair unwashed and stringy, and I was still wearing maternity clothes because nothing else fit. I was a thorn among the roses.
I’d sat and waited for over an hour while Max was in a meeting. His secretary had told him I was here to see him and politely asked me to have a seat, informing me he’d be with me shortly. Finally, his office door opened, and he led a tall blonde dressed in heels and a pencil skirt out as they both chuckled flirtatiously with each other. He knew I was waiting to see him, yet he did it anyway. As I watched him smirk at the blonde as she adjusted his tie, I thought my heart literally couldn’t take any more hurt—but I was wrong. Max would prove that feeling wrong.
When the blonde left, his gaze darted to me and he clenched his eyes closed as if the sight of me annoyed him. With a motion of his hand, he indicated for me to follow him into his office, not bothering to wait for me even though he saw me carrying a car seat. When I made it inside, I closed the door behind me and moved to his desk.
“Don’t put that on my desk,” he’d ordered when he saw me lift the car seat to do just that.
Something was lodged in my throat as I sat Pim on the floor. Then, I thought it was my heart. Now, I know it was my dignity. I was choking on it. I had convinced myself despite Matt and Alice telling me a million times to let Max go—that he didn’t want us—that if Max just saw her, he’d change his mind. How could he not fall in love with her once he saw our beautiful baby girl?