This Time Next Year(74)

‘Great outfit by the way,’ she said, giving Bev a nod as she arrived with another hamper of food.

‘Thanks, I made it myself. I figure the world has enough fancy dress going straight to landfill. Oh Minnie, did I show you a picture of the T-shirt my daughter made Betty for the march next week?’ Bev said, pulling out her phone. Minnie leant in to see a photo of a toothy three year old with long brown plaits wearing a green T-Shirt that said: ‘MY GRAN’S FANTASTIC, SHE SAYS NO TO SINGLE-USE PLASTIC’.

‘Oh Bev, look how cute she is. I’m so glad you’re getting into all this campaigning.’

Minnie put an arm around Bev to give her a hug, but found herself hugging the pillow Bev had secured around her shoulders.

‘Oh, you’re the hunchback of Notre-Dame!’ she said, finally clicking.

‘Who else would I be?’ said Bev.

Bev set about adding the final hamper to the scene. They had laid out a giant red and white checked picnic blanket with hampers full of pork pies, ham, cheese boards and fruit. It looked like a feast fit for Henry the Eighth (if Henry the Eighth had been friends with a mermaid, the cast of the RSC, Quasimodo, some freaky animatronic sheep and half the Teletubbies).

‘Wow,’ said Bev as they stood next to each other surveying the scene. ‘Not bad, hey?’

Fleur had taken on the role of event coordinator and was ushering people into position, while a sweaty Ian was being manhandled onto a horse dressed as a unicorn by the sturdy horse handler. There were actors dressed as mer-people, elves, a snowman and a dancing hedgehog in a tutu. Minnie frowned: where had the dancing hedgehog come from?

‘You do think this reads Disney fantasy, don’t you, Bev, not weird trippy Christmas panto?’ said Minnie.

‘I haven’t watched much Disney so I’ve got no idea what this is all about,’ Bev said, shaking her head.

Minnie’s eyes darted around for someone else to ask as Bev wasn’t filling her with confidence. She hopped over to Fleur, holding up her tail with both hands – it wasn’t easy to manoeuvre with your legs tied together.

‘Fleur, this does look like a Disney fantasy scene, like Enchanted, doesn’t it?’ Minnie said. ‘It’s just, the dancing hedgehog and the Teletubbies—’

Fleur had a headset on and touched a finger to her ear, holding out her other hand to silence Minnie.

‘Leila is out of the Tube so ETA five minutes people – five minutes!’ Then she turned to Minnie with an eye roll. ‘I know Bev is really letting the side down with her weird dead-bear-head outfit, but I’ll hide her at the back. Don’t worry, Leila loves all this weird crazy shit.’

Minnie hardly recognised this efficient and organised version of Fleur – she had never been like this when she had been working at No Hard Fillings. It was too late to worry whether the scene was Disney enough. Leila would know what it was supposed to be the second she laid eyes on it – that was what mattered.

Everyone took their positions around the picnic rug, shielding Ian and the horse from view. The plan was for Leila’s new colleague Iggy to bring her here under the pretence of going to a mutual friend’s birthday picnic. The set-up was perfectly positioned behind some trees, so you would only see the full spectacle when you turned the corner.

Tourists stopped to take photos of them, asking if they were shooting a movie, and a group of small children started hugging one of the Teletubbies. Fleur yelled at them all to get out of the way. A crowd of onlookers had now gathered, and people had their phones out, filming, waiting to see what was going to happen. Minnie felt a surge of adrenaline as she looked around her. Even though they no longer worked together, everyone had come to help her create this fantasy for her best friend. Leila was going to be so impressed that Minnie had remembered every detail all these years later.

Finally, Leila and Iggy arrived. Minnie saw them coming around the line of trees, and she felt her chest buzz with anticipation. Leila stopped in her tracks when she saw the scene. Iggy, a willowy brunette in her twenties, pulled Leila’s hand and guided her over to the front of the picnic rug.

‘What the actual blazing fuck-nuts is going on here?’ Leila asked through nervous laughter. ‘Am I hallucinating? Is it This Is Your Life?’ Leila’s eyes darted around, and she pointed as she started recognising faces in the crowd.

‘Minnie? Is that you?’ she said, squinting at the mermaid.

‘Put this on,’ Iggy instructed, picking up the voluminous sparkling blue Cinderella dress folded neatly in a picnic basket.

This had been another excellent find from Fleur. One of her contacts ran a Cosplay site with replica dresses from all the movies. It turned out Fleur wasn’t a compulsive liar after all – she had delivered on everything she had promised. Her millionaire friend who’d invented seaweed packaging was here dressed as a fairy, and the location producer for Tarantino’s new ghost film was somewhere in the crowd too, recording everything for Fleur’s YouTube channel. Minnie felt bad for ever doubting her.

Leila shook her head in bewilderment, looking around as though expecting some TV presenter to jump out of the bushes. Then the crowd parted and the horse trainer guided Ian and the ‘unicorn’ forward. Ian tried to open his helmet but the eye flaps kept clanking shut. Leila started laughing as soon as she saw him; bent-double belly laughter. Ian huffed and clanked, then decided to dispense with the helmet altogether, taking it off and letting it drop down onto the grass.