This Could Change Everything(97)

‘That’s it.’ Zillah nodded. ‘I was looking for the photograph of Alice and Matthew together when I fell. I found it, too.’

‘It nearly killed you.’

‘I really did think I was going to die.’ Zillah fiddled with the piped edging of her silk robe. ‘And I thought I deserved to, as well.’

‘Well you didn’t,’ Essie said with feeling. ‘Thank goodness. What were you even doing, looking for some old photo of Alice and Matthew?’

‘I saw her,’ said Zillah. ‘On Monday. She spoke to me.’

Essie was gripped with fear; did this mean Zillah was still a bit confused after all? Gently she said, ‘No, that was in the dream, after you’d fallen down and hit your head.’

‘I know you think I’ve gone doolally, but I haven’t. I saw her on Monday afternoon,’ insisted Zillah. ‘She’d just been admitted to the hospice.’

Well phew.

‘Really?’ Essie was simultaneously shocked and relieved. ‘Oh God, how awful. Did she shout at you? Was there an embarrassing scene?’

‘You watch too much EastEnders.’ Zillah plucked a fresh tissue from the box beside her and dabbed carefully beneath her eyes. ‘No, it was far worse than that. She was nice.’

It was as if a heavy metal door had clanged shut in his face, and Lucas knew exactly when it had happened. Of course, in that hospital waiting room, while Zillah was being operated on, he’d understood that Essie had been beside herself with anxiety and too on edge to speak.

Then the surgeon had come to tell them that the operation was over, and Lucas had taken hold of Essie’s hand, purely in order to support her.

But she’d withdrawn her hand from his as if it were contaminated and there had been no physical contact between the two of them since. That moment had also marked the end of any emotional connection; it was as if Essie had come crashing back to her senses and realised she’d been on the verge of making the most terrible mistake of her life.

It had become brutally apparent that she was relieved nothing had had the chance to happen. The chemistry had evaporated; the whole sense of attraction had closed down so completely that it was as if it had never existed in the first place, to the extent that Lucas now found himself wondering if he’d only imagined it to be mutual.

Because the feelings still existed on his side – oh God, if anything they’d only intensified – but Essie was making it blindingly obvious that she was no longer remotely interested in him.

Lucas mentally braced himself, because he was about to attempt to get to the bottom of the situation. Scarlett had continued covering for Essie here at the Red House, but her work as a tour guide at lunchtime, followed by a trip to Bristol, meant Essie had been forced to come in and work today’s shift. It had been like those weeks when she’d first been working here: in front of customers she had been outwardly polite to him, whilst managing not to look at him directly once.

But now the shift was over and she was about to leave. Returning from the coat rack with her yellow jacket slung over her arm, she was moving fast towards the exit.

Moving faster, Lucas cut her off. ‘Look, could we have a chat? Can we go upstairs? We need to—’

‘I can’t.’ And still she was avoiding his gaze, angling herself away from him, almost as if his proximity was too much to tolerate. ‘Sorry, I have to go.’

‘Essie, please . . .’

‘No, don’t do this; there is nothing to talk about.’ She was shaking her head, emphasising her determination to make the point. ‘I mean it . . . There isn’t anything to say, and I really have to go.’

Lucas stood aside, because you couldn’t get clearer than that. And no way was he going to beg. He still couldn’t believe he’d misread the earlier signs so badly, but obviously he had. What had felt so important and inevitable had been no more than a moment of weakness for her, much like Giselle’s on Christmas Eve, when she’d spent the evening with her first love and ended up pregnant as a result.

A cautionary tale if ever there was one.

OK, time to get over what he’d got so wrong. Lucas watched as Essie left the Red House without so much as a backward glance. He needed to put the whole non-relationship behind him and let it go for good.

His chest tightened as he turned away. Oh, it was hard to let someone go when you’d never had them in the first place.

But he had to, so he would.





Chapter 46


Five days after the surgery, and having been given the all-clear by her consultant, Zillah was allowed to leave the hospital.

‘Oh, it’s good to be home.’ She sighed with relief as Conor helped her out of the car and Essie greeted her on the doorstep with a hug.

‘Come on in,’ said Essie. ‘Everyone’s missed you so much.’

‘It smells like a florist’s shop,’ Zillah marvelled.

‘Wait till you see what it looks like.’ Grinning, Essie opened the door to Zillah’s apartment and led her inside.

‘Oh my word.’ Zillah blinked in amazement, because there were arrangements of flowers everywhere, as well as gift boxes of toiletries and chocolates, and metallic helium balloons swaying in the air.

‘People have been delivering things all day. Everyone’s longing to see you. We’re going to have to make an appointment system, otherwise you’ll be exhausted.’