This Could Change Everything(92)

‘Because killing ourselves wasn’t going to help anyone,’ said Max.

Lucas was shaking his head in disbelief. ‘And this happened a year ago? You’ve been through rehab, but it didn’t even occur to you to tell me?’

‘Leaving rehab was harder than being in there,’ said Paula. ‘We struggled when we came out. But we’re battling through, supporting each other, going to AA meetings every day.’

‘And still you didn’t mention any of it to me.’

‘Oh Lucas, don’t be cross. I’ve wanted to, so much. Every time you rang me.’ Paula pleaded with him to understand. ‘But I was terrified of letting you down, of telling you I wasn’t drinking any more, then hitting a bad patch and starting again. I needed to prove to myself that I really could do it. And we have, we’ve been doing it, taking it one day at a time. I made a promise to myself that once the year was up, I’d tell you. Because then I thought I could trust myself to keep going, and you’d trust me too . . . and I wanted you to believe, really believe, that I could carry on not drinking. And I am, I’m doing it . . . we’re both doing it. One day at a time.’ Her shoulders straightened and she said with pride, ‘OK, it hasn’t been a year, but I didn’t know you were going to turn up like this, so I’ll say it anyway. It’s ten months and twenty-six days since my last drink.’

The room was silent. Outside in the garden, birds were darting around a bird feeder that hung from a spindly cherry tree.

Finally Lucas swallowed. ‘Oh Mum, I love you so much. This is what I’ve been waiting for.’ He rose to his feet and crossed the room, holding out his arms and wrapping them around his mother. ‘It’s all I’ve ever wanted.’

‘I know, darling, I know.’ The words caught in Paula’s throat as she clung to him. ‘And I’m so sorry it took me this long to do something about it. I’ve been the worst mother . . .’

‘No you haven’t. You were ill, and it wasn’t your fault.’ Lucas’s dark eyes glittered as he hugged her, years of suppressed emotion rising to the surface. Max was watching them with love and empathy, as affected as they were. Essie’s heart went out to him too; he’d lost not only his beloved brother but almost twenty years of his own life.

The next moment, releasing his hold on his mother, Lucas turned and said with raw honesty, ‘Max, I’ve missed you. I’m so glad you and Mum found each other again.’

The two men embraced, and now the tears were flowing freely down Paula’s thin cheeks. Then she blurted out, ‘There’s something else you have to know. Max and I, we aren’t just friends. It’s more than that.’

‘OK,’ said Lucas. ‘That’s great.’

Paula shook her head in utter disbelief. ‘I thought you’d be horrified. I was dreading you finding out.’

‘Mum, all I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy again. For both of you to be happy. If you’re happy, then I am too.’ Lucas’s smile was miraculous to behold as he addressed them both. ‘In fact, this is the best day of my life.’

They left Carlisle at seven that evening. Following the joyous reunion, the four of them had settled down and continued to talk over cups of tea and toasted sandwiches. Lucas told his mum and Max that his relationship with Giselle was over, without mentioning the awkward issue of the pregnancy, because there was no longer any need for them to know about it. Max paid a second visit to the corner shop in order to buy more doughnuts.

When Paula asked, ‘So are you two together now?’ Lucas said instantly, ‘No, no, Essie has a boyfriend. We’re friends, that’s all.’ Then it was time for Paula and Max to set off for their AA meeting in the centre of Carlisle, and for Lucas and Essie to head home.

‘Well,’ said Lucas once they’d hit the motorway, ‘I suppose some road trips are just that bit more eventful than others.’

It had been an incredible afternoon. Essie said, ‘Seeing your mum and Max like that . . . well, it’s made my year. I can’t begin to imagine how it’s made you feel.’

‘It’s just indescribable.’ He kept his attention fixed on the road ahead. ‘I wasn’t kidding when I said this was the best day of my life.’

And guess what. It isn’t over yet.

Essie kept this renegade thought to herself. Watching him, she felt all lit up inside, simply because his joy was so infectious. His whole demeanour had changed, his body was palpably relaxed and he couldn’t control the smile that was lifting the corners of his mouth.

Oh that mouth, that beautiful mouth. If he only knew how desperately she longed to cover it in kisses and—

‘You’re looking at me,’ said Lucas.

‘I’m just so happy for you.’

He exhaled. ‘I think I’ve been weighed down for so long, I’d forgotten it was possible to feel like this.’

‘You look different,’ said Essie.

‘And it’s all down to you, for making me call in and see her. If you hadn’t, we wouldn’t have known.’

‘You’d have found out eventually. Once the year was up.’

‘But it’s even better knowing it now.’ He reached across and gave her arm a brief squeeze. ‘Thank you.’