This Could Change Everything(80)

The next moment, her attention was caught by the sight of a patient being wheeled past the conservatory. A red blanket had slipped from her shoulders and got caught under a wheel, and as the nurse paused to disentangle it, the woman turned her head to look directly through the full-length windows at the party inside.

Zillah froze. It had been over fifty years since they’d last seen each other, yet she recognised the woman’s face instantly.

And it was even more extraordinary that she was able to, when you considered how ill the woman must be. But there was no question, no shadow of a doubt that it was Alice.

A maelstrom of memories swirled around inside Zillah’s head. It had actually been fifty-eight years since their last encounter. Alice and Matthew had been so happy together until she’d barged in and stolen him from her. It continued to be the aspect of her life of which she was most bitterly ashamed.

And now here was Alice once more, in her eighties and clearly very unwell . . . Oh God, she couldn’t face her; apart from anything else, what good would it do poor Alice? No, she would just have to slip out and stay away from the hospice for the next couple of weeks, or for however long Alice was in residence.

Turning to leave, Zillah found her getaway thwarted by Elspeth, tipsy on half a glass of Prosecco and so grateful for her scarf and lipstick you’d think she’d been given a diamond watch from Cartier. By the time she managed to extricate herself and slip out of the conservatory, it was too late: the nurse was pushing Alice’s wheelchair directly past the main entrance.

‘And here she is now,’ the nurse exclaimed cheerfully. ‘Speak of the devil – we were just talking about you! Zillah, this is Alice, our newest lady. I was showing her around the garden before settling her back into her room.’

Alice’s once-blonde hair was now white, her eyes were rimmed with grey and she looked as fragile as tissue paper, but her gaze was direct as she studied the woman who’d stolen her fiancé. ‘Not many people with that name. I wondered if it was you.’ She turned her head slightly to address the nurse. ‘Zillah and I know each other.’

‘You do? Well, how wonderful! Isn’t that just lovely?’ The nurse beamed. ‘So you already know what a special person she is.’

‘Special,’ Alice echoed, her expression giving nothing away. ‘Oh yes.’

If only she could have escaped. Zillah checked her watch. ‘Well, I should be off—’

‘Oh don’t go,’ Alice interrupted. ‘Stay for a bit. After all, we’ve so much catching up to do.’

Minutes later, Zillah found herself sitting opposite Alice in a sheltered corner of the garden beneath the newly leafed branches of a lilac tree. There was no one else within earshot.

‘I’m so sorry.’ Zillah’s scalp prickled with mortification. ‘For everything.’

Alice nodded. Silence. Finally she cleared her throat. ‘Well I’m glad to hear that.’

Zillah felt herself flush. ‘I’ve felt guilty ever since.’

There was another excruciating pause, then Alice said, ‘All those years ago, after it happened, I used to have long imaginary conversations with you. I did it all the time. I’d throw insults at you and tell you how much you’d hurt me.’

‘You had every reason to. You still do.’ Zillah spread her hands. ‘Say it, it’s what I deserve. Say it all.’

‘Oh please. That was a lifetime ago. And now my lifetime’s very nearly over. I’m not going to spend the last few weeks being bitter and snide,’ said Alice. ‘That would just be a waste. Anyway, it’s all behind us now. How are you?’ She smiled suddenly and her face softened. ‘As soon as the nurse mentioned a visitor called Zillah, I asked her what you looked like. When she said unbelievably stylish and glamorous, I knew at once it had to be you. And my goodness, she was right. You put the rest of us to shame.’

It was hardly fair for Alice to compare herself with someone who wasn’t terminally ill. Zillah said, ‘It’s only make-up. If I took it all off, you’d get a shock.’

‘Not true. You always were the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. No wonder Matthew fell under your spell.’

‘I’m sorry.’

Alice waved away the apology. ‘Don’t keep saying it. So tell me, how long were the two of you happy together?’

Zillah took a tissue from her bag and pressed it between her damp palms. ‘Not for long, I’m afraid.’

‘I did hear about the divorce. He went on to marry again, I gather.’

‘He did. And stayed married. How about you?’

‘Just the one husband for me. He was a good man, died twenty-two years ago. We were a decent team. And you?’

‘I lost my third husband ten years ago. I miss him every day,’ said Zillah, ‘more than anyone will ever know. He was the one who made everything worthwhile.’

‘Was he more dynamic than Matthew?’ Alice raised her eyebrows. ‘More exciting?’

‘Honestly? Yes.’ Zillah nodded.

‘I knew it. I knew Matthew would never be enough for you.’

‘After William died, I thought it was my punishment for doing what I’d done to you.’

‘And when I was miserable and lonely,’ Alice confided, ‘I used to hope you were miserable and lonely too.’