This Close to Okay(70)

“What…what the hell is he doing here?” she asked over Emmett’s shoulder.

Emmett turned to see a man walking down the hallway toward them—a man he half recognized, like someone he’d maybe sat next to on a bus ten years ago.

“It’s Joel. Joel’s here. Why the hell is Joel here?” he heard Tallie say, her breath brushing the flannel on his shoulder. Emmett’s blood jumped with chill.





TALLIE




Joel was in front of her wearing clothes she’d never seen before—an expensive-looking graphite-colored sweater and slim pants that matched exactly, as if he’d been assigned a uniform. Wine-red nubuck sneakers. A work of minimalist art, this man who’d once been her sun and moon. His panther-black hair was pulled back with a few escaped curly slips of it hemming his face. She’d obsessively hated those photos of his ponytail, but his hair was glorious in real life, and oh, it annoyed her to no end. He stood there with that body she knew so well and a blue, concerned look on his face. There was a moment when she thought he would attempt to hug her, but he didn’t reach out. Instead, he stood close to her, too close, as if there’d been no disturbance in the frequency of their previously easy intimacy.

Joel gave Emmett a throwaway glance before refocusing on Tallie and quietly saying hey.

“Joel, what are you doing here?” Tallie said. She could smell him—a comfort and a curse—his cool morning shower ritual and the pricey shampoo that left the taste of tart green apples on her tongue.

“I flew in because I heard about Lionel. Ben texted me,” Joel said. “Is he okay? How badly is he burned? Ben texted me again this morning after he left here, said Lionel was doing better?”

“He’s…uh…he’s okay.”

“Fucking relief. He’ll make a full recovery?” Joel asked.

“Correct. Second-degree burns on his arm and torso and a huge third-degree burn on his leg…wait…you flew from Billings this morning? Alone?” Tallie asked.

“Yes. Took about five hours to get here. Delayed a little…it was snowing a ton…,” Joel said. “Whoa, you got glasses.”

Tallie looked at him and nodded, then glanced over at the big digital clock on the hallway wall. Almost evening. Even with the extra hour, the day had scurried away from her like a chipmunk.

“Why?”

“Why what?” Joel asked. Casual.

“Why are you here?” Tallie asked, raising her voice.

“Because Ben told me Lionel could die!” Joel scoffed, which made her feel childish and ridiculous for asking the question. “I tried calling you. I tried texting you. I emailed you—”

“Joel, I’m sure Ben was drunk and overreacted. And I blocked your number. I haven’t checked my email—”

“Pfft…um, wait. Sorry, sorry, I really have to go to the bathroom. Hold on,” Joel said, disappearing down the hall and around the corner.

“I don’t know what he’s talking about. Ben was probably trashed with his owl girlfriend and had no clue what he was saying! I can’t believe he’s here,” Tallie said to Emmett. She stood there, dumbfounded. “Can you believe he’d show up?”

Emmett shook his head stiffly.

“After everything…he flies here and comes to the hospital like we’re one big happy family? Wow, I don’t know what to say. This is too fucking much.”

“Are you all right?” Emmett asked.

“Sure, I guess. But nothing’s making sense right now,” she said. Emmett nodded and watched her face. She stared at him, silent, her mind spinning JoelishereJoelshowedupJoelishereJoelshowedup around and around like a siren.

She turned when she heard footsteps.

“Okay,” Joel said, walking toward them again, his voice lifted in a jolt. “Hey, man,” he then said to Emmett, extending his hand.

Tallie watched a blush spread across Emmett’s cheeks, lighting him up as if he’d been plugged into a live socket. “Hey,” he said, holding out his hands to show Joel he couldn’t shake his.

“Joel, Emmett, Emmett, Joel. Emmett helped put the fire out. He burned his hands,” Tallie said.

“Oh, wow. Oh,” Joel said, taking a look at Emmett’s hands before tilting his head at him.

“Joel, you never email me.”

“What were you talking about before you went to the bathroom?”

“Um, sure I know we don’t email a lot, but come on…,” Joel began with wide eyes.

“Tallie, can I talk to you for a second alone?” Emmett leaned over and said in her ear.

“Of course. We’ll be right back,” Tallie said to Joel, loving how good it would feel to walk away from him with another man. Joel took a seat in one of the empty chairs lining that section of the hallway and pulled out his phone. Tallie and Emmett walked around the corner, where they were alone.

“I’m so sorry. You’ve been so kind to me. This is my fault Joel is here, and I was going to tell you everything, I swear. I was just about to tell you when you saw him,” Emmett said. He looked away from her and back again, up at the ceiling, down at the floor. As if he were offstage, too nervous to step out. Was he crying? Tallie’s brain swirled.

“Emmett, I don’t understand. Slow down. I don’t understand anything you’re saying. How in the world is it your fault Joel is here? Trust me, this isn’t your fault. What do you mean? Are you feeling okay?” she asked. Was he having another episode? He really ought to look into medication, and she’d tell him that as soon as they got through this part. So much was happening that it was probably shorting him out, sending him into overdrive. It was almost sending her into overdrive, too. Her stomach wobbled like gelatin.