They Wish They Were Us(56)

“The police questioned me for hours,” Graham says. “It was such a long time. Mom and Dad were away in the Cayman Islands, and they wouldn’t let Rach in the room with me. Right?”

Rachel nods and bites her lip. “I kept trying to call Dan Smothers. He’s our dad’s lawyer. But no one answered. Our parents got the first flight out, but by then it was too late.”

“I just broke down being in that stupid police room so long without anyone. They fed me the story and I just nodded along after a while. Told them what they wanted to hear. I just wanted to make it all stop. I just wanted to go home. I thought I’d just go home.”

“They didn’t even test anything,” Rachel says softly.

“But your parents didn’t fight it?” I ask. I can’t imagine Mom and Dad letting me get shipped off to this place. They’d never believe that I did something like this. They’d do anything to protect me. That I’m sure of.

“Dad just wanted to make it all go away,” Graham says. “He was getting ready for some big investor call. Smothers said it was easier that way. Thought a trial would make it worse. Too much publicity. Muffy didn’t want to deal with it. Too much drama.”

“They did some deal with the Arnolds,” Rachel says. “Money was exchanged.”

A fleeting look passes between them.

“A lot of money,” Graham says. “Our families have history. This is just how they deal with things, I guess.”

“Such fucking bullshit,” Rachel says. “No one has the balls to even confront this. Of course the Sullivans stayed far away from everything.”

“I guess you don’t talk to Kara much,” I say.

Graham snorts. “Good one. She never reached out, ever.”

I picture Graham’s and Shaila’s fathers growing up together, buying plots of land in the Hamptons with their other buddy Jonathan Sullivan. I imagine they were all so delighted when they had children at the same time. They must have been thrilled to dress Graham, Shaila, and Kara in those matching blue seersucker outfits on the beach, to snap photos of them rolling around on monogrammed beach blankets. This destroyed everything.

“The ’rents don’t come visit,” Graham says. “Muffy says I’m insane, barely her son anymore. Dad’s busy.”

“So busy,” Rachel says, rolling her eyes.

“Do they know you’re using your trust to test the blood?” I ask her.

Rachel nods. “But they don’t want to get involved.”

We’re all quiet for a few seconds until Graham says softly, “You never gave up on me. You’re the only one.” He looks up and his eyes are glossy with tears.

Rachel grabs his hand under the table, out of sight, and I can’t help but think of Jared and how I would do the exact same thing for him, no matter the cost, no matter how much he hates me in this moment. You don’t give up on your blood.

“So what does this all mean?” I ask.

“Someone else was there,” Graham says. “Someone blamed me. I thought I was a monster for three years, but . . . it wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t me.”

His words seep into my brain and begin to spin violently around. I can’t make sense of anything.

“But who?” I ask. It’s the only missing piece. Who else would have wanted to kill Shaila? And why?

Graham inhales deeply and closes his eyes. “There’s one more thing. Something I haven’t told anyone. Not even you, Rach.” Rachel raises her eyebrows and leans forward. “Before initiation, I found out she was cheating on me.”

“No,” I say automatically. It’s just not possible. There’s no way she would have kept that from me.

“It’s true,” he says. “She’d been acting weird for weeks, avoiding me, making up excuses not to hang out. She always said she was in rehearsal for the musical. Or working on her English papers, or going to office hours with Beaumont. It was always something.”

Was that really how she was at the end? Not really, no. A little more aloof than usual, perhaps. But she was stressed about initiation and starring in the spring musical. It was Rent that year and she had been cast as Mimi. Of course she was nervous. She nailed the performances, obviously, belting out that candle song like Rosario Dawson. And Shaila seemed to chill out after that, didn’t she? She must have.

Nikki was working on costumes then, ripping holes in hundred-dollar pairs of sheer tights, sewing leather micro-shorts to fit Shaila’s body perfectly. Adam was there, too, tweaking the script so it was more “family friendly.”

“They’re making me neuter it,” he said while we all huddled together at Diane’s one Sunday morning.

“Listen to Shakespeare over here,” Nikki said.

Shaila and Nikki giggled in delight, as if it were an inside joke they had formed backstage.

Graham and Rachel were there, too. They laughed along with me, like we were also part of it. Like we knew their secret language.

I did see Shaila all the time before initiation. I must have. Sure, she was tired from playing Mimi. And she was with Graham a lot, of course. But . . . maybe she wasn’t. Maybe she was doing something else. Someone else.

“I forgot my phone during spring midterms,” Graham continues, “and I needed the geometry guide. She gave me her phone to look it up and, fuck, I knew I shouldn’t have, but when she went to the bathroom, I looked at her texts. I couldn’t help it. There were hundreds with some dude, talking about all the shit they were doing behind my back.” He closes his eyes. “I can still remember one by heart. Graham will never find out.” His lashes flutter and he taps his knuckles on the table. “Guess what? I did.”