They Wish They Were Us(45)
“But this is her dream.”
“She’ll get that spot. I know she will.” Mom’s voice wavers and Dad sighs heavily.
“We’ll make it work,” he says. “We always do.”
I hear the muffled sounds of a hug and silently close my door. My heart thumps a million miles an hour and I clench my fists, fighting back tears and unbearable lashes of guilt. A heavy weight settles on my chest. I have to be good enough, I think. I have to win that money. I have to.
THIRTEEN
“WELCOME TO ROAD RALLY, bitches!” Nikki stands on the hood of her BMW and shakes bottles of sparkling wine in each hand. Like a pro, she pops them both and sprays them in front of her, dousing the freshman Players who stand cheering at her feet. It’s a week after acceptances were announced and every single senior Player got into their top choice school. Even Robert, whose dad’s donation seemed to have done the trick. He exploded our group text thread with expletives for hours before taking off with Nikki in an Uber to the city, where they went to some insanely expensive steakhouse under the Williamsburg Bridge. After fam dinner, I sat in Henry’s hot tub with him, Quentin, and Marla until our skin became wrinkled like prunes. The stars were particularly bright that night and I tried my hardest to push my parents’ conversation out of my head. No luck, though. I couldn’t—still can’t—forget their desperate tone, the need for me to achieve, achieve, achieve.
Now we’re standing in Nikki’s winding driveway, ready for the final Player event of the semester: an all-night scavenger hunt we call Road Rally. Here’s to hoping it’s a distraction.
In the crowd, the younger kids whisper among themselves, comparing notes for what’s to come. Jared’s packed in the center of their little crew, a core member of this unit we assembled like Legos. After months of tests and trials, they may think they know what’s in store, but tonight is next level. Road Rally always is.
When Jared asked me about it earlier this week, after Nikki spread the word that it was happening, I tried to manage a smile. “It’s fun,” I said. “Just go with the flow.”
“Worse than the Show?” he asked with a smirk. I tried to study his face, to figure out how that night made him feel. If a secret shame burrowed deep inside, or if he brushed the whole thing off like a bug. I couldn’t bring myself to ask.
“It’s fine,” I said instead. But the annual scavenger hunt always makes me uneasy. In the past, this night was a beast that chewed you up and spit you out at the feet of whoever was in charge. The only thing worse was initiation.
When we were called to Adam’s house freshman year, I spent the whole afternoon trying to figure out how I could be on his team. But I didn’t need to worry. As soon as I walked into the backyard, Adam grabbed my elbow and whispered into my ear, “You’re with me.” I skipped behind him to his car, where Shaila and Jake Horowitz were already waiting, our team of four decided.
“You guys ready?” Jake asked before banging on the dashboard. “Let’s do this thing!”
“You okay?” I dipped my head and whispered to Shaila. Her head was turned toward the window, watching Graham get into Tina Fowler’s car.
“Yeah. I just don’t get why couples have to split up.”
“Just part of the rules,” Adam said, turning around in the front seat. “Rachel and I aren’t together. Don’t worry,” he said, patting her on the knee. “This is going to be fun.”
I nodded encouragingly and bumped shoulders with Shaila. Secretly, I was thrilled to be grouped with her. It was the first time we’d be together without Graham in weeks.
“Here. This will help.” Jake reached down and pulled out an oversized water bottle full of orange liquid. “Drink up.”
Shaila snatched it from his hands and guzzled eagerly before passing it to me. “First stop,” Adam said, making a swift turn into the ShopRite. I felt the booze give me extra legs. “Grab that bag,” he said, motioning toward the trunk. “You guys are wearing bathing suits under there, right?” We nodded. We were always ones to follow instructions. “Good, let’s do it.”
We threw the car doors open and sprinted inside the store, trailing the boys by a few yards. “The frozen aisle!” Adam yelled.
“Quick!” Jake said. “Strip!” He whipped out two lawn chairs, set them side by side, and handed us matching pink sunglasses and sippy cups.
I pulled off my T-shirt and stepped out of my shorts, leaving no time to feel self-conscious. “C’mon, Shaila!” I said.
She plunked down in the chair beside me and we did our best models-on-the-beach impressions while Jake snapped a pic. I can’t wait to frame this, I thought. Iconic.
“You guys are so sexy,” Jake said. I giggled and squinted beneath the grocery store’s fluorescent lights. Shaila’s skin looked translucent and she stifled a hiccup.
“Let’s just check another one off the list while we’re here,” Jake said. “You guys should make out.”
I froze and tried to catch Shaila’s eye. But she wouldn’t look my way. Instead, she bit her lip and waited for me to make the first move.
I looked at Adam for help. What do I do?
“That’d be hot,” he said, flashing his dimple at us. He stood with his arms crossed in front of his chest, his eyes encouraging.