The Test(9)

—What did you think of him?

—Officially? He’s a proud citizen of the United Kingdom, and we’re lucky to have him.

—Unofficially?

—That man was batshit crazy.

Of course, that story pushes Deep a little . . . deeper into the anti-hero camp, but he’s still on the fence. Part of him really wants heroes to be good. For a moment he wonders if that’s a form of system justification. No one wants to be a part of something they think is wrong. He quickly rejects the idea. Certainly, he can make informed, conscious decisions. He’s better than that. He’s not a subject.

Laura asks if he’s ready for K2. Deep nods.

—This is control. K2 is in eight minutes. Let’s get all our ducks in a row. This time I want one white male, midforties. Jeans and a T-shirt. Give him profile eighty-six, architect, no kids. That should be neutral enough. Then, I want a security guard. There weren’t any when the subject entered, so I want him obvious. The whole outfit: hat, badge, baton. Make him Middle Eastern. Small beard. Average skin tone.

Deep cringes. He doesn’t like K2 for a variety of reasons. He understands why the security guard has to resemble the subject but, in principle at least, the other hostage could be Asian, Latino, Indian. He never is. Deep is a citizen, but the only people that look like him during the BVA are the ones who are meant to die. As per the manual, the K2 setup is as follows: Hostage one is white. Hostage two resembles the subject, so unless he or she suffers from some deep-seated self-hatred, there won’t be a negative bias against him. Hostage two is also a security guard. The uniform, the baton. He’ll even say he’s a security guard. He’ll inevitably register as law enforcement. Except for criminals, there is a subconscious positive bias towards law enforcement officers because they put themselves at risk to protect the innocent. That ironically makes them expendable in the K2 setting because by choosing their career, they entered into an unspoken pact with society that makes their lives come second in this very unique situation. The subject is expected to choose the security guard as the victim, and does so in 92 percent of cases. To do otherwise, the BVA manual tells us, demonstrates a clear bias against people of the hostage-one ethnicity.

There are certain parameters to follow besides skin colour when creating hostage one. He must be a he. He cannot be significantly older than the security guard. He must be of average build. Subjects will select a severely obese person as the victim up to eighty percent of the time. He cannot be too beautiful or too ugly. He must not be handicapped, must express himself properly, and should appear reasonably intelligent, but not too much. He cannot be too rich or too poor.

Deep always thought K2 was poorly designed. Deep’s father never took the test. He was naturalized six months before the bombs went off, a whole year before the first simulation. Deep would never tell anyone, but he knows his dad would not have passed K2. It’s not that he had anything against white people—he was the most loving man ever—but he worshipped law enforcement. Nothing traumatic ever happened to him; he just loved cops. They were demigods to him. He watched cop shows all day, bought Deep more police costumes than he could remember. There is no way in hell Deep’s dad would have picked the guard to die. Not ever. He’s a great citizen. He votes, he obeys the law, and he won’t hesitate to tell on his neighbours if he sees anything suspicious. But had his family arrived a year later, Deep knows he’d have been born elsewhere.

Behind the glass wall, technicians complete the 3D models of the hostages. Five minutes to go. That should be plenty of time.





4.


I CAN HEAR MY heartbeat. I can hear it in my ears. It’s not really my heartbeat—I know that—just blood flow near the ear or in the neck. Pulsatile tinnitus. It could be anything: ear blockage, arterial disease, high blood pressure, or just a change in awareness. You just notice it and it becomes impossible to ignore. They’re dead. He killed two people right in front of me.

I read about a radio announcer who was literally losing his mind because of it. Constant whooshing, every second of every minute of every hour. He was on the verge of suicide. I understand the urge. I might choose to kill myself if the man in charge lets me, but he won’t. He wants me to look at it, his art, his handiwork. They’re just lying there, both of them facedown, blood pooling under their heads. They would drown in their own blood if they weren’t already dead.

I can’t remember what happened to the radio announcer. I think he found a doctor who could fix it, eventually. Maybe not. Maybe he killed himself. Am I in shock? Is that what this is? It feels like an out-of-body experience. No, the opposite. It feels like I’m inhabiting my body for the very first time. Like I’m trying it on, putting on a new suit. My hands are numb, my legs heavy. I feel the cold air from the ceiling vent, the hair on my arms standing up in response. Thousands of minuscule muscles attached to every hair follicle. That whooshing sound repeating itself. I didn’t do this. I didn’t kill these people. This wasn’t me.

—Samaritan, if you stick with that catatonic routine, I’ll shoot you in the leg and watch you bleed like the idiot behind you. Oh, and you still have to pick who dies. Now, what’s the fucking question?

What have I done? I just watched them die. I didn’t actually watch, but I stood by and did nothing to stop it. It’s real. They’re dead. This isn’t a dream I will wake up from. He shot them in the head. He was looking at me.