The Test(11)

I don’t care what he says. I don’t care what he thinks of me. I can choose to help people. I may not be able to save everyone, but I can make sure as few people die as possible, even if it means doing what he says. The man in charge. He said it himself. He is doing the killing. I only choose who lives. It may not feel honourable, but I can help. I can save lives.

—Fifteen minutes already! Damn! Time flies when you’re having fun. Are you ready, Samaritan? We have work to do.

I am ready. I can save one person by playing his game. Saving one person is more important than my ego, whatever feeling of guilt I may have. Life trumps feelings. I choose life.

—Let’s see. . . . How about . . . this guy right here. Yes, you, sir. Come on up.

—Please, no! Please! Please!

He is doing this, not me.

—Good! You want to live! Then you’ll be happy if he doesn’t pick you! You know I don’t decide. He does!

He’s pointing at me.

—Please, sir. I beg of you! Don’t kill me!

No! No! No! Don’t talk to me. Don’t put this on me. He’s the one holding a gun to your head. He’s the one pulling the trigger. I’m as much of a victim as . . . I’m not doing this.

—I’ll tell you what. I’ll let you pitch yourself. Tell the Samaritan who you are. Tell him why he shouldn’t choose you.

—I . . . I don’t want to die! I just— Please!

—This is fucking pathetic. Why do you want to live? Do you have children?

—Me? I— No, but that’s not— Please!

—No kids. You’re off to a bad start here, my friend. What do you do for a living? Why does the world need you? There. How’s that for a setup? If you can’t do anything with that, then you fucking deserve to die.

—I’m an . . . architect. I design homes. Homes for people, for families.

—All right, all right, stop this. I’m about to shoot myself. Let’s see who you’re up against. Eeny, meeny, miny, moe. Catch a tiger by the toe. Why would anyone do that, catch a tiger by the toe? You know what the real lyrics are, don’t you? If he hollers, let him go. Eeny, meeny, miny, moe. My mother told me to pick the very best one, and that . . . is . . . YOU! Get up, sir. Up. Up. Up.

Oh, I love a man in uniform. Oh my! He has a stick! I bet you want to beat me up with that stick of yours. Now, stick man, tell us why— Why are you mumbling? Are you fucking praying? I got news for you, son, whatever god you’re praying to can’t save you. Only Samaritan can. I like saying that. Samaritan can. Reminds me of that song, the . . . Never mind. I think he’s one of yours, Samaritan. Are you? One of his? Are you a Muslim?

—Yes.

—I knew it! They don’t mind? You being a Muslim? I’m guessing you work security here.

—Yes, sir. I do. Twelve years now.

—A Muslim security guard. Maybe that’s why they didn’t give you a gun. Don’t take this the wrong way, stick man, but weren’t you supposed to protect these people? I hate to break it to you, but, from what little I’ve seen, you kinda suck at this. Hey, what do I know? That baton might be heavier than it looks. I’ll give you the same chance I gave boring man over there. Do you have anything to say to save your life?

—Yes. I don’t know you, sir, but you look like a good man.

Please don’t do this. Please don’t talk to me like I’m the man in charge.

—I know you’ll do the right thing. I very much want to live. I have a wife—

—I have a wife, too!

—Shut the fuck up, boring man, you’ve had your chance. I gave you a chance to speak and you said: “I—I just—I don’t—d—d—d—.” Live with it, or don’t live with it. . . . All right, I’ve had enough of this. Samaritan, pick someone before they both start saying they save kittens and take care of orphans.

I can save someone. I can do this. It doesn’t mean I want anyone to die. It doesn’t mean anything. I choose who lives. I save someone. I choose life.

—Tick-tock.

How do I choose? I can’t decide who is more worthy of living. That’s not for me to decide. I— It needs to be fair. How can I be fair when neither of them deserves this? No one deserves this. That much I know. . . . I can flip a coin.

—Do I need to count to three again? You know what happens when I count to three. . . .

No. I can’t flip a coin. That’s horrible. I need to choose. But I don’t know anything about these people. I don’t know anything about either of them. That’s not true. One is an architect. That’s . . . I don’t know if that means anything. The other is a security guard. That’s what he does. The man in charge is wrong about him; he couldn’t have done anything. Not against six armed men. He would have got himself killed, maybe a lot more people. He did what he had to do. He doesn’t look like a coward. Stop it, Idir. You don’t know the man. He is a security guard, though. He chose that job. He chose to protect people. No one can ask a man to be courageous with a gun to their head, but he must be courageous. He chose a life of protecting people.

—Last call, Samaritan!

He can still do that, the security guard. He can save people now. He can save the architect.

—ONE!

I’m ready. I can do this.