The Retreat(74)

‘If you see Glynn, don’t say anything to him, okay? Not yet.’

Heledd kissed my cheek as I left. ‘I’ll let you know what the police say about the journal.’

‘Thanks.’ They stood side by side, their faces pale with worry. ‘Be safe,’ I said.



I drove back towards the retreat, a wall of white noise inside my head. Fortunately, the roads were quiet and I was able to drive on autopilot. Halfway back, my phone rang. It was that detective, DC Hawkins. I ignored the call. I didn’t feel ready to talk to her yet.

I stopped at a petrol station and bought a pack of extra-strong painkillers, ignoring the warning on the packet and gobbling three. Then I pulled over by the side of the road, killed the engine and closed my eyes. The silence was broken only by the occasional passing car, and the gentle bleating of sheep in an adjacent field. I emptied my mind and waited for the paracetamol to kick in and rub away the sharp edges of my headache.

By the time I reached the retreat I was feeling better. As I went in, I saw Ursula coming down the stairs. She had a sheet of paper in her hand. She looked even more wild-eyed than she had earlier.

‘Have you seen Julia?’ she demanded.

‘I’ve just got home.’

‘You’re no use.’ She stalked off into the kitchen.

Suzi appeared, carrying her suitcase down the stairs.

‘You’re going?’ I said.

She didn’t answer with words, but with a look of panic. She looked dreadful: washed out, her hair lank and with rings around her eyes.

‘I saw her,’ she said.

‘What? Who?’

‘Lily. I went for a final walk in the woods, to say goodbye, and I saw her.’ She hugged herself. ‘She was there in the distance – and then she vanished.’

‘What are you talking about?’ Goose pimples rippled across my arms.

‘It was like . . . like she was made of smoke or mist. She was dressed in red – red like blood. I need to tell Julia.’

She started towards the kitchen. I grabbed her arm. Everyone here was going crazy, haunted by visions in the woods. It had to be group hysteria, a swirl of grief stirred up and encouraged by Ursula. ‘No! You are not going to tell Julia—’

‘Tell me what?’

Julia appeared at the top of the staircase. She came down towards us.

‘Oh, Julia. I saw her. I saw Lily.’ Suzi shook me off. ‘I saw her ghost.’

I wanted to scream. Julia was staring at Suzi, arms wrapped around herself. I took hold of Suzi’s arm again, more gently this time. ‘Come on, Suzi. You’re clearly in shock after what happened to Max. You should rest . . .’

Then Ursula came out of the kitchen and spotted Julia. ‘There you are.’

The wound on the back of my head pulsed.

Ursula flapped the sheet of paper she was holding at Julia. Her eyes bulged.

‘My guide . . . she came to me again. She told me where to find proof – proof that Lily has left this realm.’

I stepped between them. ‘Julia, don’t listen to this. It’s insane.’

Julia pushed me aside. ‘Shut up, Lucas.’ She grabbed the sheet of paper from Ursula’s hand.

Suzi had slid down the wall onto the floor and sat there, hugging her knees, rocking back and forth.

‘What is this?’ Julia asked. I moved behind her and looked over her shoulder, staring at the lines and curves, the crosses and squiggles on the sheet of paper.

‘It’s a map,’ Ursula said. ‘I drew you a map.’





Chapter 37

LILY – 2014

Lily sat on her bed, cradling Big Cat in her arms. She held him against her cheek and screwed her eyes shut.

Mum and Dad were fighting again.

‘When the hell were you going to tell me?’ Mum shouted.

She couldn’t make out Dad’s reply.

‘You’re ruining us! Fucking ruining us!’

Lily winced at the swear word. Mum never swore except when she was yelling at Dad. Lily wasn’t totally sure what he’d done wrong. Something to do with money and lying and broken promises. The usual stuff they argued about. Lily wished her parents could be more like the ones she saw on TV, parents who cracked jokes and put their arms around each other.

Mum swore again and Lily searched the room for her headphones. Where were they? She remembered: they were in her bag, in the closet downstairs.

She crept out of the room and down the stairs, opening the closet and pulling out her bag. The headphone wires were tangled up. She tried to unknot them, Chesney sitting blinking at her as she grappled with the stupid things. She wanted to ask Mum or Dad to help but they were still screeching at each other. She heard Mum say that name again. Lana. Hot tears of frustration burned Lily’s cheeks and she chucked the bag and the stupid headphones back into the closet. Chesney jumped down from the windowsill and dashed to the front door, miaowing to be let out.

Lily opened the door and watched him slink across the lawn.

She wished she was free too.

‘I’ve had enough!’ Mum yelled.

So had Lily. Closing the door quietly behind her, she slipped out into the garden. She climbed over the fence into the overgrown meadow and entered the woods.

It was still and quiet among the trees. Autumn leaves formed a carpet of red on the path. Lily imagined herself as a movie star, attending the premiere of her new film. Reporters asked her if she would ever forgive her parents, who deeply regretted how they’d behaved now she was a superstar.