The Retreat(68)

‘You’re kidding,’ I said. ‘Julia, come on. Let’s go.’

But she wouldn’t move. ‘No. I want to see this.’

Ursula drew in a long, deep breath, spread her fingers out on the table and closed her eyes. She was silent for so long that I felt the urge to speak, to ask her what she was playing at. But then she started talking.

Her voice was different, higher and younger. It was faintly absurd, but eerie too. She kept her eyes shut and tilted her head to one side as she spoke.

‘Julia, your child is gone. Lily is gone.’

Julia put her hand to her mouth. Ursula tilted her head to the other side.

‘But do not worry. She is safe, she is happy. She’s in a better place, the best place. I’ve seen her and spoken to her. She wants you to know that she loves you. Her daddy is with her too and they’re happy together, even though they miss you.’

‘Julia,’ I said, but she shushed me.

Ursula smiled, a ghastly smile that made her, with her white face and voluminous hair, look like a Victorian doll. ‘Lily’s safe now. You don’t need to worry about her any more. You don’t need to look for her. She’s with Jesus.’





PART THREE





Chapter 34

Ursula’s eyes darted around the room, as if she didn’t know where she was. She clamped her hand over her mouth. Moving twice as fast as normal, she exited the room, dashing to the toilet. I heard retching, then the toilet flushing and a running tap. When she came back into the kitchen she was as pale as bone, and beads of sweat clung to her brow and upper lip.

She sat down.

‘Would you mind fetching me a glass of water?’

Julia was frozen still, unable to take her eyes off Ursula. I found a glass, filled it from the tap and handed it to Ursula. She gulped it down.

‘I apologise,’ she said. ‘This always happens when I channel. Would you mind leaving me for a minute, until I get my strength back.’

I was glad to get out of that room, but Julia was more reluctant.

‘She said Lily’s with Michael,’ Julia said. ‘And Jesus.’

Ursula half-smiled. ‘Did she? I didn’t hear what was said. I was in another place.’

‘Come on, Julia,’ I said, guiding her from the room. We left the cottage and stepped into the garden. Julia was in a daze. I tried to put my arm around her, but she pushed me away.

‘Please, I want to be on my own for a minute.’

‘You can’t believe that was real, surely?’

‘She knew where to find your phone, didn’t she?’

I could feel all the warmth between us draining away. I was convinced what Ursula had done was an act. Perhaps she was insane and thought it was real, but the idea that someone could channel a spirit who would talk through them was nonsense. I knew Julia was desperate to believe it, but it was so frustrating. I was surrounded by superstition and irrational beliefs. What next? Was Ursula going to claim that a woodland spirit knocked Max and me over the head with a rock and chucked us in the river?

‘She probably hid my phone in the first place so she could set this up. Next she’ll be asking you for money in exchange for messages from Lily.’

Julia started towards the house but stopped and whirled round. She jabbed a finger towards me. ‘You don’t get it, do you? How it feels.’

She thumped her chest with a flat hand.

‘You tell me I’m “amazing”.’ She made air quotes with her fingers. ‘For what? Being strong? Holding it together? You have no idea . . .’

Ursula had come out of the cottage and was watching us. Julia ignored her.

‘You don’t know how much it hurts, Lucas. No idea how many times I’ve been down to that river and thought about throwing myself in, knowing I’d drown because I’m so weak I can’t even swim. If someone showed me proof that Lily was dead, then maybe I’d do it. There’d be nothing to stop me any more. No hope left to keep me alive.’ She waved an arm at the house. ‘I thought when I opened the retreat it would give me some new purpose. A business to run. Something for me. What a mistake!’ She began to laugh, on the edge of hysteria. ‘I should have gone with my original idea and opened a boarding kennel. Dogs might be needy and difficult, but my God they’re not half as needy as you writers.’

She turned her attention to Ursula, who still loitered by the door of the cottage.

‘So what should I do, huh? Are you telling me Lily is dead, one hundred per cent? Should I give up hope? Should I go and throw myself in the river?’

‘Julia—’

She cut me dead with a glare and took a step towards the cottage. ‘Come on, Ursula. What does your spirit guide say? Does Lily want me with her, now?’

Ursula clung to the door frame. It was scary how much she’d aged almost overnight. ‘No, Julia. She doesn’t want you to join her. I expect she wants you to find the person who did it to her. The person who killed her.’

Julia and I both stared at her.

‘And did your guide give you any clues?’ Julia asked, her voice hard and cynical. At least, I thought, she doesn’t seem to believe Ursula now. Her anger had burned away the belief.

‘Not yet,’ Ursula said.

‘Well, give me a call if she does. I want you to go. Pack your bag and go home.’