The Retreat(33)

‘And what about the singing?’ she asked. She looked at me suspiciously. ‘You seemed to know something about it.’

I paused. I had assumed it had been Julia singing in Lily’s room. But now . . .

‘I’ve heard someone singing here too.’

‘What? Where?’

‘It was coming from the room next to mine. I assume it used to be Lily’s, didn’t it?’

‘It is Lily’s.’

‘Oh . . . Of course. Sorry.’ I took a sip of tea. It was almost cold. ‘I heard singing a couple of times. I thought it was you.’

She stared at me. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen Julia go pale. But now she had gone an even whiter shade.

‘I haven’t been in Lily’s room since you got here,’ she said. ‘I certainly haven’t been in there, singing.’

She got up from the table and crossed to the warmth of the Aga. ‘What was the song?’ she asked. ‘You said something about it being in a foreign language.’

‘I’m pretty sure it was Welsh. I only recognised the first few words. Un, dau, tri.’

‘What about the tune? Do you remember it?’

I did. The melody, simple as it was, had burrowed into my brain the second time I’d heard it. Overcoming my embarrassment, I hummed it now.

Julia’s eyes grew wide with recognition. When I’d finished, which took less than a minute, she opened her mouth and sang. Her voice was clear and tuneful.

Un, dau, tri

Mn yn dal y pry

Pry wedi marw

Mam yn crio’n arw.

‘It’s a traditional Welsh song,’ she said. ‘Lily learned it at school after we moved here. She used to sing it all the time. She brought home the translation too.’

‘What does it mean?’

She pressed herself closer to the Aga. ‘One two three, Mum caught a fly, the fly has died, Mum cries terribly . . . It’s about a woman losing a child.’

‘Oh my God.’

‘Though, specifically, it’s about having a miscarriage. Mum caught a fly is a way of saying she’s pregnant. But, Lucas, the meaning of the song isn’t what’s important here. Both you and Karen heard it.’ Julia stared into the space between us, at the dancing motes of dust. She lifted a trembling hand to brush hair from her eyes. ‘Does that mean Lily’s dead? That you heard her spirit?’

I got up from the table. ‘No. There has to be a rational explanation.’

‘Because Lily’s not dead.’

‘And because ghosts aren’t real.’

I stood close to her, so close I could see the pink threads in her eyes, the dry spots on her lips. She was tired, run-down. Still beautiful – but in pain, caught between a need to grieve and a refusal to do so. Trapped in a desperate limbo.

The rational explanation had to be that I’d been right all along. It had been Julia singing, but she either didn’t remember or refused to admit it. Probably the former. I wasn’t going to accuse her of that, though.

‘Let me think,’ I said, stalling for time. ‘Maybe . . . maybe it’s me. I went to school here. I probably learned that song too, so it would be buried deep in my subconscious.’

She made a sceptical noise.

‘No, it’s true.’ I remembered the conversation with my mum, but didn’t want to go into the details right now. ‘I’ve been sleeping badly, having weird dreams. Maybe the song was part of a dream. And I’ve been singing it to myself ever since, like in the shower. Karen could have overheard me, and when her bad trip kicked off she imagined herself hearing the song.’

‘You mean like a group hallucination?’

‘More like a chain.’

She thought about it. ‘I don’t know . . .’

‘It makes more sense than it being a ghost,’ I said. ‘Julia, there’s always a rational explanation. This makes sense.’

I waited to see if she would buy it. I really didn’t want to tell her I thought it was her. Eventually, she nodded.

‘I’ll talk to Karen about it in the morning,’ she said.





Chapter 16

LILY – 2014

Megan’s house was small but cosy. She had a black Labrador called Barney who was lovely, though he kept letting out rancid farts that made Lily and Megan squeal with horror.

‘I’m going to take him to the vet if he doesn’t stop,’ said Megan’s mum, who was really pretty and trendy. She was fun, too. She knew all about YouTube and had the radio playing in the kitchen, singing along when Little Mix came on. She poured glasses of ice-cold Coke for Lily and Megan and carried the drinks into the front room, where they were playing a video game on Megan’s Xbox.

As soon as Megan’s mum left the room, Megan said, ‘Danny lent me this new game. Do you want to play it?’

Danny was a boy in their class. Danny was always going on about playing Call of Duty and watching gross stuff online with his older brother. ‘What kind of game?’

Megan whispered, ‘It’s a scary game. I’m not supposed to play it, so if you hear Mum coming, yell.’

Lily shifted uncomfortably on the carpet as Megan located the game. Over by the fireplace, the dog made a groaning noise and Lily braced herself for the stink.