The Queen's Assassin (The Queen's Secret #1)(95)

Cal doesn’t respond. It is like he is made of stone.

“Anyway, I brought you something.” I uncover a heavy square box, wrapped in midnight-blue velvet, embroidered with the sacred symbol of Deia.

He leans over to look more closely.

I remove the cover and unlatch the box. “This may help you fulfill your vow.” I open the lid.

Inside the box is a piece of obsidian, shaped like a key.

His eyes widen. “A key to the scrolls. It has to be.”

“It was found among Duke Girt’s things, hidden behind a painting. All his worldly possessions revert to the king. Duchess Girt—or Gertie or whoever she is—has apparently abandoned her title and fled the kingdom before she could be apprehended. All Hansen cares about is horses, wine, and gambling. Nothing is really important to him, not even the scrolls, as incredible as that might seem. So I was able to take this for myself.”

Cal gazes at the key, transfixed.

I continue. “Honestly, he didn’t even notice. I suspect he just wanted to return to his dice games. I am lucky. I can only hope his hobbies will keep his attention elsewhere.”

Cal still does not speak.

“Use the key, find the scrolls, return them to Renovia, and claim your freedom,” I tell him. “The future is yours.”

“And what about your future?” he asks at last. “You can’t do this, Shadow.” Cal puts his face in his hands. Shakes his head. “You can’t give your life to him.”

If only I’d understood his feelings earlier, when we had more time alone. “I’m doing it for you.”

“I don’t need it,” he says. “I would rather remain in a cell for the rest of my life than see you throw your life away.”

“It is mine to do with as I wish,” I say softly. “Here.” I push the box closer to him. “Please, take it. Find the scrolls. You’re almost free. Isn’t that what you’ve always wanted?”

“I am not free, not without my love,” he says, and this time, when he looks at me, I don’t look away.

My love. How do I answer that? There has always been so much unspoken between us. And yet now that we’re together, now that he’s saying the words I’ve so longed to hear, it is hopeless. Our fate is already sealed.

“Leave with me. We can run away; we’ve done it before. We can find the scrolls together,” he says, taking my hands in his. “Shadow. Be with me. Always. I am yours. Be mine.”

Oh, my heart. I cannot breathe and my entire body is aflame.

He is everything I never knew I always wanted.

Caledon Holt.

The Queen’s Assassin.

He is mine.

I can see it so easily. We could don servants’ garb and slip away in the night. Hansen would not look for me, at least not at first. But then my mother would wonder where I am at breakfast. An alarm would sound. Cal would be accused of kidnapping the princess, and the king’s bride. We would be hunted for the rest of our lives. If we were caught, he would be executed. I could never risk that. And there is more to think about than our fate.

I shake my head. “No, if we leave together, there’d be another war. Hansen has been placated by the promise of expanding his kingdom. If I disappear, he will blame the queen for his humiliation and he will invade Renovia. I can’t have that on my head.”

“But you can have it in your bed,” he says bitterly.

I flinch at his words. But he looks more resigned than angry.

“I have no choice. As you have been bound by an impossible vow, I, too, am tethered to a fate—but one that will never let me be free. But this is larger than you or me. I’m simply a vessel for an heir who will inherit two kingdoms. Our child will be wed to the heir of Argonia and Stavin. It is my mother’s plan to unite all the kingdoms of Avantine once more, through blood and marriage; to start a new Dellafiore dynasty.”

That silences him.

But I am not here to talk about Avantine history. I must go back to my chamber, and yet I am here, in my robe and nightshift. I need to ask something of him, and if I don’t do this now, I will never have the courage again.

“Cal, listen to me.” I reach for his hands. Mine are shaking. “Hansen will have my name and my kingdom. But he will never have my heart. That remains with you, my love, forever.”

In answer, Cal pulls me toward him and puts his hands on the sides of my face. “You will always be Shadow to me,” he says softly.

“Cal.” I want to say more, but soon there are no words between us. He puts his soft, warm mouth over mine, hesitant at first, then eager as I respond in kind, and somehow, none of this matters anymore. He breathes into me as his strong arms circle my waist, and I slide my own around his back, pulling him closer.

“We might not have tomorrow, but we have tonight,” I whisper.

At that, he pulls me down to the bed. We shed our clothing and slip under the covers. He kisses me all over so I can barely breathe.

The world narrows to the two of us in this room, our bodies fitting together as one. I pull him closer, closer, until he’s on top of me, and we move in sync as if dancing.

Our bodies joined as our hearts, we soar to the skies.

We are free.





CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO

Shadow

“COME BACK TO ME.” IT’S the earliest hours of morning; the sun is barely peeking over the horizon. I’ve spent the last few hours wrapped up with Caledon in his sheets, our legs and arms entwined, as if we cannot bear to be parted, and the truth is, we cannot.