The Psychopath: A True Story(33)
The other, and even more interesting technique I learnt about was ‘nonsensical conversation’ or ‘word salad’. For example a psychopath will meander and continue talking with a confusing or unintelligible mixture of seemingly random words and phrases, roughly moving around the subject at hand but never really or not precisely coming to a point which will explain or excuse their behaviour, at least not initially, but ‘there are reasons for that – something that will change everything . . .’ This sentence, annoying and confusing as it is, is an example of word salad. There are no reasons for it other than to keep the audience listening and becoming slightly hypnotised whilst awaiting some clarification.
It is deliberately never getting to the end of the sentence or the point they are making: psychopaths will continue talking until the victim finally interjects with a guess or suggestion of their own, giving the psychopath the very piece of information they need. When someone you care about is struggling to make a point, you naturally fill in the gaps, listening carefully to what they are saying and trying to make sense of it, sometimes even finishing their sentences and/or summarising what you ‘think’ they are trying to say as they meander on. ‘Oh, I see, it’s this . . .’ The victim leaves this conversation with the only answer that fits, in their own head, with the person they believe their partner to be. They believe the conversation to have been resolved when in fact the psychopath has said nothing at all and left the victim to fill in the blanks, gaining information that will be key to attracting the victim and keeping them under control.
The extraordinary thing is that you don’t notice it’s happening until it’s pointed out. However, now I knew I started to see it in people around me. I noticed it particularly in televised interviews of politicians with their avoidance of questions by using word salad and projection.
Suddenly I could see how Will Jordan had manipulated me, how he had used verbal techniques such as reframing and word salad, as well as conversation and emotional manipulation. He was a master of his art and I had given him the answers every time, the excuses that I would accept for being absent for births, Christmases and birthdays. I had told him my biggest fears – that of the children being taken away, abused and hurt. I had given him all the tools he needed to control me and manipulate me to do whatever he wanted.
I knew now though, and once that knowledge is there it cannot be taken away. I knew that no one would ever be able to control me like that again.
CAT AND MOUSE
In January 2014 Will Jordan re-emerged. I got an email from Mischele Lewis with a shocking tale of lies, deception, fraud and emotional trauma. She asked me to call her, so sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of my laptop, I dialled the international number and waited the long seconds for it to connect. The photographs on my computer screen were a harsh reminder of the pain I had gone through years ago. The face of my non-husband smiling out at me with his arms around another new victim.
The phone only rang a couple of times before it was answered by a gentle and slightly hesitant American accent. I knew exactly how she felt. I had answered a very similar call almost eight years earlier from my husband’s other wife.
‘Are you OK?’ I asked Mischele. ‘How are you feeling?’
‘Angry!’ she replied. ‘I read your book overnight and I can’t believe the similarities!’
Mischele told me the bones of her story. How she’d met Will Jordan online, how she had believed he was British and working for the Foreign and Commonwealth Office (FCO), flying drones and working in liaison with US intelligence.
Like me, she had been sucked in and had contact with others who validated his story. Like me, she was a single mother who’d been in an unhappy situation before meeting a man who seemed to be Mr Right. Like me, she got engaged to him, lost money to him and then found out the truth.
‘What will you do about the baby?’ I asked, finding out she had recently become pregnant and aware that it was early enough in the relationship for her to have options.
‘I don’t know,’ she said with genuine concern. ‘I have to think about my existing children too.’
I understood entirely. There was a lot to consider and I am not sure what decision I would have made if I’d discovered the truth when only a few weeks pregnant.
Mischele was in shock, but unlike some of Will Jordan’s victims she was not crushed. She was fired up. She reminded me of myself, someone with a burning desire to know more and understand what had happened. It was strange being on the other side of the phone call. To be the one knowing the truth and explaining to Mischele what he really was. Honestly though, I didn’t have to say much because Mischele had already read my book and my whole story was there. It must have been so strange to her reading about my life with her fiancé, the father of her unborn child, the man she thought until just hours ago that she would spend the rest of her life with.
It felt good to help her though and I felt I had found a kindred spirit. A fighter who wasn’t going to allow him to get away with it. A strong and fiery woman who would not be victimised nor feel embarrassed by what had happened. We talked for hours and she told me her story from the very beginning.
In 2013 Mischele was a thirty-five-year-old labour and delivery nurse working in a maternity hospital in New Jersey, passionate about her job and mostly working nights which meant she had her days available for her two children. The first thing that struck me about her – seeing the photographs she sent me – was how stunningly beautiful she was, with long blonde hair and gorgeous big blue eyes.