The Perfect Girlfriend(81)
Outside his front door, I pause and listen.
Silence.
I slide my key into the lock and slowly open the door. The light from the kitchen throws a little illumination into the darkness, but not enough. I put down my bags quietly on the floor and shut the door behind me. Rainbow is still. Nate’s phone is switched off, where I left it on the coffee table. The silence is freaking me out. I walk towards Nate’s bedroom. The door is shut. Again, as I left it. There are no signs that he has escaped, but I feel bilious. And cold; I’m aware of myself shivering. Tentatively, I push the door open. It is dark.
Switching on the lights, I freeze in horror.
28
The bathroom door is smashed. A jagged, splintered hole has formed down one side. Yet it doesn’t look big enough for a man to squeeze through without sustaining serious injuries.
As my mind processes the implications, my right arm is grabbed, yanked behind my back and I’m pushed to the floor. I scream until a hand is clamped over my mouth. I inhale the smell of Nate. I’m then dragged up by the wrist and am temporarily winded as I’m pushed down again on to the bed. I try to stand up, but he shoves me down by the shoulders.
‘It’s your turn to listen now,’ he says.
I stand up to run for the door, but he pushes me again.
He looks deranged.
I look around. On the floor, my belongings are neatly stacked up. The wedding photo, my magazine, the handcuffs, my dress, everything. It’s insulting, as if he wants to be rid of all trace of me. I stare at him.
He stares back, looking down at my uniform. ‘You went to work? You bitch! Anything could’ve happened. If there had been a fire I could have died. When you didn’t try to stop me breaking down the door, I assumed you’d gone back to yours for a bit. I never thought—’
‘How likely is a fire? Really? You’ve lived here how long – three, four years? – so by now I imagine it’s safe to assume that your neighbours are a pretty responsible bunch. Anyway, I bought you a tie and some aftershave. They’re in a bag by the front door. I would go and get them, only I don’t feel like getting assaulted again.’ I rub my painful wrist.
‘You need more serious help than I fear, if you think that somehow makes up for incarcerating me.’
I fold my arms.
Nate continues in what sounds like a rehearsed speech. ‘I understand now what you mean about me being your first love. That it was your first time and I was a bit of an arse. I was young, arrogant, unintentionally cruel and thoughtless, and I’m sorry.’ He sits down next to me and takes my hand.
A slight sense of hope begins to form in my mind. I stare at him. Has my idea worked? I now realize the flaw in my plan, and it is that I’ll never know. I’ll never be able to truly trust him. I am exhausted both through lack of sleep and the stress of the day, and now I have this uncertainty to contend with.
‘I’ve had a lot of time to think today. It must’ve been dreadful for you after your brother. But I think you’ve latched on to me in a romantic fantasy-type sense and—’
I interrupt. ‘How did you get out?’
He looks at me, as though he’s shocked that I’m not fascinated by his sympathy speech. ‘I had all day to smash it down.’
‘What with? I removed everything that could be used as a tool.’
‘Well, maybe you’re not as clever as you think.’
‘Tell me, it’s driving me mad!’
‘The middle door panels are thinner than the main section. I focused my strength on one of those, then all I had to do was put my hand through the gap and turn the handle.’ He holds up his right hand; it is badly scratched.
I don’t know what else to say; my heart rate is slowly returning to normal. But I can’t seem to make total sense of the situation, or quite where all this is leading.
‘So, here’s what’s going to happen,’ Nate carries on. ‘We will continue to get this marriage dissolved as quickly as possible. You will not pull any more stunts – and by that, I also mean staying away from me, my family, my home – and at work, I will request that a KA, a “Keep Apart”, be put in place for scheduling purposes. I also think that you need to seek help, professional help, to get you through. I’m prepared to help you find someone who comes well recommended, if you’d like me to. As long as you agree to all these things, I won’t go to the police. If you see me in the street, cross the road. But if you break any of these conditions, I will seek a restraining order against you.’
‘Aren’t you forgetting that I too can report you for having sex with an underage girl? Any time I choose. You’d be looking at a two-year caution and saying goodbye to your dream job.’
He looks at me, but I can’t quite figure out what he’s thinking or feeling. I feel a slight sense of unease, but I have to protect myself. Now that everything is out in the open, it almost feels like we have an opportunity to reconnect by being honest.
‘It would seem that we both have grievances. If we both agree to disagree and to keep out of each other’s way, then we can avoid a spectacle. There’s nothing to be gained by attempting to drag each other down, when the end result will always be the same – which is, that I am not the man for you. I’ve had plenty of time to think about it and I’ve figured it all out. I knew that you’d be forced to return at some point, so we’d be able to discuss this civilly and reach a mutual understanding, especially after you rang my phone.’