The Merry Spinster: Tales of Everyday Horror(35)

They set off up the road at once, Badger leading the way and Rat dancing along behind, singing out, “A violent fit, a violent fit, a most violent violent violent fit,” with every step. They made for a very merry crew.

“I should like to Help Toad first,” Mole said. “Since I have known him the longest.”

“Hello, fellows,” Otter said, flinging his head above the riverbank and shaking the water from his muzzle. “What a noise you’re making! All the world seems out on the river today. What news?”

“We are going to Help our friend Toad,” Rat explained. “If I see him in his new motoring clothes, I am going to have a most violent fit. Then Mole is going to have a most violent fit. Then Badger is going to have a most—”

“Yes, I think I follow,” Otter said politely. “May I join you?”

“We already have a boathook, a tarpaulin, a shovel, two steering poles, a mattock, a garden fork, and a luncheon basket,” Badger said. “Have you got anything useful?”

“Just my net and fishing spear and a few lures,” Otter said. “Will that do?”

“It might,” Badger said.

“The more the merrier,” Rat said.

“Can’t be too prepared,” Mole said. “Come along.” Otter scampered up the bank, river water scattering off his back, and joined the line. Rat resumed his song as they walked to Toad Hall.

When they reached Toad Hall’s carriage house they found—just as Badger had said they would—a shiny new motorcar, gleaming all over, painted blue, sitting just out front. As they drew near the front door it flew wide open and Mr. Toad came down the steps, already decked out in his motoring goggles, trim little brown cap, and duster, drawing on his driving gloves. He caught sight of them on the third step and stopped neatly in his tracks.

“Oh, hullo, fellows,” he said. “I— Hullo. You’re just in time—just in time to come with me for a jolly—to come for a jolly—for a—” The invitation faltered and fell away as he looked at all the friendly faces around him.

“Toad, what time do you suppose it is?” Mole asked.

“I don’t know,” Toad said. He smiled very brightly at each one of his friends. “I don’t know. My head aches all of a sudden. I don’t suppose I will go out today after all. I don’t know.”

“It’s the hour of Toad!” Rat cried out merrily. “It’s your hour, my precious darling, and we’ve all been having the most violent fits.”

“Toad,” Badger said, resting against his boathook, “what do you suppose we’ve come to Help you with?”

“I think my head aches too much to answer questions,” Toad said, and if he was a little cross when he said it, we must excuse him, for his head did ache, a very great deal. “I think I’d better go back inside and lie down. Will you please excuse me?”

“No,” Mole said.

“Yes,” Rat said.

“I don’t think—” Toad began.

“Listen to your friend Rat,” Mole said.

“Listen to your friend Mole,” Rat said.

“Thank you, Rat,” Mole said.

“Thank you, Mole,” Rat said.

“There are so many things we want to Help you with, Toad,” said Badger.

Otter made a small noise in the back of his throat and shuffled gently up the stairs. “When are you going to invite us inside, Toad? We’ve come an awfully long way just to see you, and we’ve been carrying a great many heavy things.”

Rat danced happily up to the chauffeur sitting in the driver’s seat of the motorcar. “I’m afraid that nobody is going to need you today,” he said. “Mr. Toad has changed his mind, and will not require the car. You needn’t wait for him to change his mind, either. Mr. Toad never changes his mind but once.”

“Think of what fun we’ll have, Toady,” Mole said, “once you’ve quite gotten over this painful attack of yours. We’ll take great care of everything for you until you’re well again.”

After a few minutes everyone—with the exception of the chauffeur, who was no longer wanted by anybody—went inside the house. Mole was a little out of breath, and Badger had the slightest of cuts over his right eye, but otherwise the entire rescue party was in fine spirits.

Toad spent a lot of time with his friends Badger, Mole, Rat, and Otter in the Wild Woods where they all lived. Here are a few of the things that happened to him.

The Noise

One day Toad went walking out in the Wild Woods to be by himself. As he was walking, he came to an empty place in the middle of the forest. But the middle of the empty place wasn’t empty at all—there was a hole in the ground. And from inside the hole came a heavy sort of humming noise. Toad didn’t mind the noise. He sat down at the edge of the hole, hung his head between his knees, and closed his eyes. He would only be by himself for a minute. He was never alone for very long in the Wild Woods, because the Wild Woods were full of Mr. Toad’s friends, and you are never alone, as long as you have friends.

Then Toad said to himself: “That humming noise has to mean something. I’ve never heard a noise like that without something making it. If there is a humming noise, then something is making a humming noise, and the only thing I know of that makes a humming noise like that is a motorcar.” So Toad dropped his legs over the side and swung round and grasped the edge of the hole with his forefeet, lowering himself bit by bit into the darkness.