The Library of Fates(63)

“We don’t have a lot of time,” Varun whispered urgently.

I turned my gaze back to him, trying to refocus on all that I now knew, and all that lay ahead.

“The doorway will soon open, and the Sybillines will leave. You’ll have to go as well—and it’s up to you where that should be.” His eyes bore into mine, his grip on my hands fierce. It was a challenge, and I would have to rise to it—only I had no idea how.

“Will you come with us?” I asked.

Varun shook his head. “Not this time. But I’ll find you,” he assured me, and I realized that I didn’t want to leave him.

I could tell from the way he was watching me that he didn’t want me to leave either. Even though we were together in this moment, it was temporary. The wait wasn’t over for him.

“There’s still more to your journey,” he said wistfully. “And it’s too important for me to get in your way. But you can ask me anything you want. I’ll help in any way I can.”

I remembered the last time someone had said this to me. Ask me anything you want about your mother, my father had told me, and I was dumbstruck, my mind a jumble of words.

This time, I knew what I wanted to ask.

“Why does Sikander hate my family so much?”

Varun stroked the back of my hand with his thumb, and I felt a wave of desire to be even closer to him. “Because hate and love are so tightly wound that they sometimes coalesce into one. He once loved your father, and your mother too, so fiercely that the cauldron of his poisonous mind turned that instinct to hate.”

“Did you ever . . . hate me?” I asked. I wanted to understand how he felt all those years spent waiting for my return.

He hesitated, a small smile crossing his lips as he considered the past. “I was angry for a long time. Devastated. But now you’re here. It was worth the wait. Just sitting here with you is worth the wait.”

I smiled at him, and he went on.

“There’s a reason we each have our own fate. Our own gifts, our own burdens. My fate was to wait for you. But sometimes fates can be altered.”

I nodded slowly before I turned to look at Thala again. How would she fare in the long run? If she didn’t change her fate, she would spend her whole life struggling, addicted to a substance that poisoned her body.

“I have another question,” I said.

Varun’s mouth quirked into a small smile. “Please.”

“If I can’t enter the Library, how can I change fate?”

“There’s a way to change the past without entering the Library itself,” Varun said.

I waited.

“You’re not going to tell me?”

“All I can tell you is that there is another way. There are many ways, but you’ll know in your heart which is right for you.”

His fingers traced mine, and I could tell he felt what I did: an overwhelming need to be close. I shifted, moving beside him, his arm pressing against mine, my cheekbone against his shoulder.

“My heart wants to go back into the past and kill Sikander,” I said.

Varun nodded, releasing a slow breath. “I understand the instinct, but I’d suggest that you try to understand him. Sikander is a part of the fabric of this world, just as you are. You think of yourself as separate from him, but whatever good or evil or cruelty or kindness he has within him, you do too.”

“How can you say that?” I felt a wave of anger as I thought of what Sikander had done to my family. “There is nothing that Sikander and I have in common. And if I ever had the chance to destroy him, I would,” I said fiercely.

Varun smiled, as though he admired something in me. He brought my hand up to his face. He held it there for a moment, and something in me softened.

“Follow your will, Amrita. Trust your instinct. It may not turn out the way you wish, but your will has the power to lead you to new places.”

I traced his face with my thumb, surprised at how at ease I felt with him. He leaned forward, and for a moment, I thought he was going to kiss me, but instead, he touched my mouth with his fingertips before his hand dropped into his lap and he slowly stood up.

I followed suit, uncertain of myself all of a sudden.

I remembered how annoyed I had been at him the first time we spoke. Now all I wanted was to be close to him.

His eyes continued to watch me. “I want to stay with you,” he said, holding me in his gaze before he continued. “But if I do, I’ll never be able to leave.

“If you ever need me, place the dagger in the moonlight and call for me. I’ll come. I promise,” he said, pulling my hands into his chest. “I think it’s time for you to go now too,” he said, nodding in the direction of the Sybillines.

I turned around to see that the images across the walls of the cave were beginning to fade.

“Now,” Kalyani said to her people. She was looking up at the sky. “The moon . . . it’s directly above us; now is the time to go,” she said, getting up.

When I turned back around, Varun had already transformed back into Saaras. He nuzzled my hand before he flapped his wings and flew away.

My hands felt cold where he had touched them, and I felt a wave of disappointment. I didn’t even say goodbye.





Thirty-One



“YOUR FRIEND IS ALL RIGHT. She’s ready to go,” Kalyani said, handing me two small satchels, each containing skins of water and some food. “I would invite you to come with us, but your story on this Earth is not yet complete.”