The Half Sister(73)
As she stands in front of the full-length mirror in her bedroom, adjusting her pose in an effort to turn herself into something she’s not, she wonders when time had caught up with her. When she was last with Justin, all she’d wanted was to look like a real woman, instead of the teenager that she was. But now, as she lifts her bra strap up so her breast sits where it used to, and runs her fingers over the creped skin on her stomach, she yearns for the taut skin of her youth. It seems we’re never happy.
‘Are you going out, Mummy?’ asks Noah from the doorway.
‘Hey,’ she says, rushing to him and picking him up. ‘You’re supposed to be asleep by now.’ She carries him to his bed and gently lays him down.
‘But if you’re going out, who’s going to look after me?’ he asks, rubbing the blanket he’s had since he was born against his cheek.
She weighs up the pros and cons of telling him the truth, but coupled with not having told Simon she’s going out, she opts for the path of least resistance.
‘I’m not going anywhere,’ she says, hating herself. ‘Now snuggle back down.’
He offers an angelic smile as Lauren kisses him and it feels as if her heart is about to break. She can’t do whatever this is; it’s madness. Even leaving Jess in charge of the kids – regardless of who she is – goes against the grain. Lauren has never left the children with anyone other than her parents since Noah was born. She’d baulked at babysitters – no matter how highly recommended they were – because she could never truly trust a stranger. But isn’t that ultimately who Jess is? she asks herself. She doesn’t know what life she’s led, the people she’s in with, the bad habits she’s picked up along the way.
She might take drugs. She might have been in trouble with the police. What if this guy she’s seeing at work is a thief or a con artist on the side? Jess had mentioned he might pop in later – she’d sounded so excited that Lauren hadn’t wanted to burst her bubble and say no, despite how uncomfortable she felt. But what if he was a criminal who just happened to hold down a day job as well? What if he and Jess were both professional scammers who attach themselves to a mark by pretending to be related to them? Suppose they wheedle their way into people’s lives by preying on their vulnerability and strip them of everything they’ve got. The admission that she’s questioning Jess’s motives for the first time shames her. How can she leave her children with her now?
Going back into her bedroom, she calls Jess as she ruefully picks up the black jumpsuit that she’d laid on the bed. She’s just about to put it back in the wardrobe when the doorbell rings. Jess’s phone goes to voicemail and being the nearest thing to hand, Lauren hastily pulls the outfit from the hanger and steps into it. She’s still doing up the buttons as she opens the door.
‘Jess!’
‘Sorry I’m a bit early – the trains were running on time for once.’
‘Oh, I was just about to . . .’ says Lauren, staring at the phone in her hand, knowing that it’s too late to call her off now.
‘You look gorgeous,’ says Jess, looking Lauren up and down.
I look awful, Lauren says to herself, before remembering what Kate told her. ‘Thank you,’ she says out loud.
‘So, what do I need to know?’ asks Jess, as she steps into the hall.
‘Mmm, do you know what?’ says Lauren. ‘I’m not in the mood to go out so I think I’m just going to cancel. You should stay though – we can open a bottle of wine.’
‘You can’t stay in when you look like that!’ exclaims Jess with a smile. ‘People need to see you.’
Lauren laughs awkwardly.
‘I hope Simon knows how lucky he is,’ says Jess. ‘He should be very proud to have you on his arm tonight. Now go and get your shoes!’
Guilt engulfs Lauren as she goes back up the stairs, her fingers trailing the chipped paint as she goes. Whilst Simon’s out there, working through the night, she’s getting ready to go and meet another man. Yes, he’s chauvinistic, moody and sometimes loses his temper, but is it any surprise? She’s on his case 24/7; asking him to fix the shower, put the kitchen door on, paint the staircase. Why isn’t she painting the staircase instead of nagging her husband, who’s busy trying to earn enough money to look after his family?
She’s doing her utmost to convince herself that Simon deserves better, but for every reason that goes in his favour, she can think of two that don’t. Whilst they struggle to pay the bills, he could make it a lot easier if he didn’t go down the pub most nights and visit the bookies every Saturday. And on the rare occasion he takes her out, it would be nice if he talked to her, instead of looking at his phone or accusing her of flirting with the waiter.
Her only heeled shoes sit next to her slippers at the bottom of her wardrobe, seemingly offering Lauren a symbolic choice between doing what’s right or what’s wrong. It doesn’t take her long to pick the pair she wants to wear.
‘Okay, so Noah and Emmy are in bed and should be asleep,’ she says, as she carefully makes her way back down the narrow stairs in feet adorned with black patent. ‘It’s unlikely they’ll wake up, but if they do it will only be for the toilet or a drink.’
Jess nods confidently. ‘And Jude?’
Lauren looks at him, gurgling away contentedly in front of a colourful mobile on the living room floor. ‘There’s a bottle in the fridge, which he’s due to have at ten, but I’m sure I’ll be home by then.’