The Friendship List(93)

“What about Stuart? You don’t want to lose him.”

“He’s already gone.”

“Not for you.”

Her eyes widened. “Is that what you think? That he’s still with me?”

“Every day. He’s a part of you.”

“Do you think I’m ever going to get over him?” she asked.

“I don’t know.”

“Then why do you want to be with me? Thinking I’m still in love with him would be awful for you.”

“It’s not my favorite,” he admitted.

He wasn’t usually so honest in his conversations, but with her, he didn’t hold back. He had no idea why—maybe it was like the chemistry. It simply was.

She leaned toward him. “I don’t want to hurt you. I know that. I like you and I want us to be together.”

“I want to believe you.”

She nodded. “I’m sure my weird behavior doesn’t help with that.”

Not anything they needed to talk about. “What do you want from me?” he asked again. “Am I your transition guy? The one to get you over losing Stuart so you can move on with your life?”

Her eyes widened in obvious surprise. “I would never do that to you,” she said with enough sincerity that he believed her.

“Then what? Why are you here? Wouldn’t it be easier to never see me again?”

He had no idea why he was pushing her like this. He supposed he wanted answers. Having her reject him and mean it would be painful, but then he could get going on recovering. Their current almost-relationship was punishing in its uncertainty. He was a man who liked to know what was going on.

“I like seeing you,” she told him. “I like what I feel when I’m with you. Being around you shows me the possibilities. I’m tired of staying in one place. I want to heal.”

“I want to believe you.” He wanted a whole lot more, but knowing where he stood was a start. He wanted to take things to the next level or he wanted it done.

No, he didn’t want it done, but thinking about her all the time, wanting her and knowing he couldn’t have her was hellish.

  Unity could see the pain in Thaddeus’s beautiful brown eyes. He was so strong and capable, yet looking at him this second made her ache for what she’d done to him. He had no idea what was happening between them, where this was going, and it was all her fault. She was a mess and she’d dragged him into her disaster of a life.

His questions were all fair ones. Of course he would want to know what was coming next from her. She thought about all she’d been through in the past couple of months. The fake-for-her challenge had turned into something real. She could feel herself getting better. The swimming was helping and she’d already looked at a couple of industrial parks where she could move her business.

But there was a bigger problem she had to deal with. It came down to a simple question: Did she stay where she was—living a half-life because Stuart was gone—or did she accept the pain of his passing, know she would love him forever and then admit that her heart had room for someone else? The choice was hers.

Only it wasn’t a choice. She refused to stay stuck any longer. She was ready to start the next phase of her life. As for fear and the voices in her head, well, she was done with them, too.

She looked at Thaddeus who watched her cautiously. No doubt he was waiting for tears, or her to bolt, or something else awful. He was a good guy trying to give her the space she needed. She was lucky to have found him and she didn’t want to lose him. Or them.

There were a lot of things she could say, but the man had no reason to believe her. Perhaps it was time to try something else. Something more direct.

She toed out of the flats she was wearing, then grabbed the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head. Thaddeus’s eyes widened in obvious surprise, but he didn’t say anything, nor did he move. She sensed it was all up to her.

Terror gripped her, along with a feeling of dread, but under that, and growing strong, anticipation stirred. Her breathing quickened and an unfamiliar longing gripped her. She shifted so she could straddle him, her knees on either side of his thighs. Then she rested her hands on his broad shoulders, leaned close and kissed him.

The second her mouth touched his, he wrapped his arms around her and drew her close. She angled her head and parted her lips so he could deepen the kiss. Tongues stroked and teased and danced. She grabbed his hands and brought them to her breasts. Even through her bra, the feel of him touching her curves had her breathless.

She rocked against his erection, the friction arousing her to the point of incoherence. Wanting grew and with it came a sense of being alive. She was just about to suggest a more comfortable venue when he drew back.

Questions filled his eyes as he studied her. She didn’t know what he would ask, but she had a general sense of the topic. She smiled and touched his face.

“I’m fine,” she whispered. “I want you.”

Need battled with wariness. She hated that she’d made him question what should be a natural next step and again decided showing was so much more clear than telling.

She stood and slipped out of her jeans, so she was wearing nothing more than bikini panties and her bra. “I have condoms in my bag,” she said, holding out her hand. “I don’t know how to be more clear.”