The Friendship List(47)

“And?”

“And I don’t want to date. Why would I want a man in my life?”

“For the sex? And don’t tell me you don’t want to have sex. You and Stuart were like rabbits. I was always jealous of that.”

“But that was with Stuart. I don’t know how to be with anyone else.”

“I don’t know how to be with anyone at all. Sell it somewhere else, sister.”

Unity smiled. “You’ll figure it out.”

“So will you. Unity, the guy sounds nice. He comes with references and he’s interested. Maybe you should just go with it for a little while. Deal with emotions as they come up, because at some point you really do have to move on. Believe me, I’m living the lesson right now. Ever since you moved back we’ve been enabling each other to stick with what was safe. I like that we’re pushing each other to stretch a little.”

“That sounds really mature,” Unity said, hoping her voice sounded teasing instead of scared.

“Good. I was going for mature. Try the dating thing. It will be good for you.”

“To what end?” Unity asked. “I love Stuart. I don’t want to love anyone else.”

“You love me.”

“That’s different. I don’t want to love another man.”

“That makes me sad. You’re giving up so much of your life. You could still have kids, Unity. Don’t you want that?”

“That’s what Thaddeus said. Not those exact words, but he talked about me having children without Stuart.”

“What did you say?”

“That I’d never considered the possibility.”

“Not even once?”

“How could I? Ellen, he was my everything.”

“So without him you’re nothing?”

“Sometimes.”

“Don’t you want more?”

The softly asked question should have elicited an automatic “No, of course not.” But for once Unity wasn’t sure what to say. Was she really going to live the rest of her life in mourning? Was she really going to give up every dream she’d ever had? And what about a family? She’d always wanted babies to hold and love and nurture.

“Maybe I could get artificial insemination,” she offered.

“You’re just so romantic, I don’t know how I stand you. Yes, you could do that. You’ll be a great mom, with or without a partner. But speaking from experience, being a single parent isn’t easy. And you know what? Not a decision you have to make today. I’m just saying maybe you can think about letting a guy in for a little while. If you don’t like it, you can stop seeing him, but right now you’re making decisions without a lot of information.”

Unity knew Ellen was right. “You’re right. That’s good advice.”

“Thank you. I gotta run, but know that I’m going to revel in my ass kicking on the challenge. Winning!”

Unity laughed. “Yes, you are, but I’m going to catch up. Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

They hung up. Unity looked back at the tattoo picture. Getting one was on her list, too.

She’d just done an internet search of local places when her phone rang again.

“Hello?”

“It’s Thaddeus.”

“Oh, hi.”

She turned away from the computer, aware of a slight sense of anticipation. He’d called. It had been a couple of days, so she’d started to wonder if he would. Not that she wanted him to. Not exactly. Of course she hadn’t wanted him not to call, so there was that. Sometimes it was hard to be her.

“I know it’s last-minute, but I’ve been visiting Dagmar and wondered if you wanted to grab dinner or something.”

He was here? In Willowbrook?

She looked back at the screen. “I’d like that, but could we make a stop first?”

“Sure. Where do you want to go?”

“I’d like to get a tattoo.”

Thaddeus pulled up in front of her house ten minutes later. She met him at the front door, wondering why he seemed taller than she remembered. And possibly better-looking.

His eyes were dark, his hair layered. He had a three-day beard. The slightly scruffy look suited him, as did the polo shirt and jeans. The man had a body, she thought, wondering what he did to stay in shape.

“Tattoo?” he asked, stepping onto the porch. “For the challenge?”

“Yes. It’s the only reason. I’m not really the tattoo type.”

“You’re going to be the type now.” He smiled teasingly. “Once you get one, you can’t stop doing it.”

“I doubt that.”

“Do you know what you’re going to get?”

She smiled “A peace symbol. For my parents.”

“Okay, let’s do it.”

He waited while she locked the front door, then put his hand on the small of her back as they walked to the car. She was aware of the light pressure and the heat from his skin. There was only her thin T-shirt between flesh-on-flesh contact.

It wasn’t awful, she thought, but it wasn’t comfortable. Not in a don’t-touch-me way, but more because no one ever did that. And that entire chain of thought was exactly the reason she needed the challenge, she admitted to herself.