The Friendship List(23)

He reached for one of the chilled shrimp on a plate. “I would throw myself in front of a bullet for you or give you a kidney, but there is nothing you can say or do to convince me to have sex with one of your octogenarian friends.”

“What if she’s in amazing shape?”

Something he didn’t want to think about. “No.”

His great-aunt’s smile turned sly. “What if she’s not eighty?”

“I’m not sure her being in her sixties makes a difference. Why are you setting me up?”

“Technically I’m setting her up. Not that you don’t need a woman in your life. You do. The divorce was ages ago and while I’m sure the mindless sex you engage in is exciting in the moment, it has to leave you feeling empty afterward. Or am I assuming an emotional depth you don’t have?”

Better to have her think he was shallow than to tell her the truth, he thought humorously. There was no way he wanted Dagmar to know he was actively seeking a relationship. She was nothing if not determined and if she started looking for his future wife, then God help him.

“Why are you setting up your friend?”

She looked at him over her glass. “Don’t for a moment think that I didn’t notice your slick change of subject. But fine. We’ll talk about Unity.” She smiled. “She’s thirty-four and very sweet. She’s a handyman.” Dagmar held up a hand. “An unusual occupation, but I thought you’d find that intriguing. She’s tall and very athletic.”

“Please don’t tell me she has a great sense of humor.”

“As a matter of fact, she does, but she’s also very pretty. But you worrying about that isn’t fair. Not everyone can be beautiful.”

“How would you know? You’ve always been a looker.”

“And this is why I love you. Now about Unity. She’s been a widow for three years and she’s having trouble getting back in the game.”

He shook his head. “There’s no game.”

“Of course there’s a game and I miss it desperately. But that’s neither here nor there. You’ll like her and you should have sex with her.”

“When I first meet her or did you want me to wait?”

Dagmar rolled her eyes. “You’re so difficult. Whenever it’s appropriate. Just show her a good time. She needs to remember what it’s like to be young and single and still have firm breasts.”

“You’ve never set me up before.” Something he was grateful for.

“As I explained, I’m setting up Unity.”

“So I’m being used.”

“Yes, but for a good cause. Besides, you like a challenge and I have a feeling she’s going to be that. Are you interested?”

To go out with Dagmar’s sad friend? “No. I can find my own women.”

“And yet you remain single.”

“I’m not married. There’s a difference.”

“Not one I can see. Darling, don’t you want more?”

He had a feeling she didn’t mean his drink.

The doorbell rang, saving him from answering. Dagmar smiled and rose to let in her guest. It was only as she opened the door it occurred to him that “dinner with a friend” was going to be dinner with the widow his great-aunt wanted him to seduce.

He thought briefly of bolting out the back door before reluctantly standing. Dagmar returned, a tall blonde at her side.

“Thaddeus, this is Unity. Unity, my great-nephew, Thaddeus.”

“Hello,” he said with a neutral smile.

She had long blond hair and big blue eyes. She was about five-ten, with broad shoulders and long legs. Not a beauty, but pretty enough, he supposed. Unlike his great-aunt’s, Unity’s clothing choices were designed to blend in. She wore a white T-shirt over khakis and absolutely no makeup.

His first impression was she wasn’t anything close to his type. His second was to be surprised at her obvious shock at the sight of him.

“I’m not sure I knew you had a great-nephew,” she said, looking between them.

“I am pretty special,” he murmured.

Dagmar shot him her “Really? Do we have to?” look before smiling at Unity. “I’m sure I’ve mentioned him before. However, I know you’ve never met until now.”

No doubt by design, he thought. “She’s been keeping you a secret, as well,” he said, holding out his hand. “Nice to meet you, Unity.”

She still looked confused as they shook hands. Dagmar guided them to the sofa, careful to take a club chair for herself.

“Be a dear and get Unity a drink.” Dagmar waved her glass. “Thaddeus makes a wonderful old-fashioned. Of course Thaddeus has other skills, don’t you, darling?”

He ignored her and went into the kitchen to make Unity her drink. When he delivered it, he took Dagmar’s empty glass from her, leaning close to murmur, “You’re laying it on a little thick.”

She smiled. “It’s a style thing.”

He made another old-fashioned. When they were all seated again, Dagmar beamed at them both. “Isn’t this lovely? I’ve been waiting for the right moment to introduce you two.”

Unity looked more baffled than intrigued. She shifted uncomfortably before glancing at him. “So, um, what do you do?”