The Friendship List(21)

Unity shrugged. “The same.”

“I’m not sure you’re ready to move on.”

“I’m not, but do I have a choice?” Unity split the last of the wine between them. “I got yelled at in my grief group.”

“Grief group is giving you grief?” Ellen slapped her hand over her mouth. “Sorry. That’s the wine talking.”

“Yes, it is and you’re right. It’s kind of funny.”

“No, it’s not. What happened?”

“They told me I’m stuck. That I’m not moving on.” She set her elbows on the table and leaned forward. “They said I think my pain and loss are more special than anyone else’s and that’s why I can’t move on.”

“I’m sorry. That must have been awful.”

“It was. They ganged up on me.” Unity looked at her list then back at Ellen. “Are they right? Am I making what happened more than it is?”

“No. You suffered a horrible loss. You’re not wrong to miss Stuart. You loved him.”

Unity’s gaze was steady. “But?”

“But maybe it’s time to stop assuming that your life has to be over, too. Stuart is gone, but you’re still here. You could find someone, have kids.”

“I don’t want kids if I can’t have them with Stuart.”

Words Ellen had heard before. “Maybe it’s the wine talking,” she said slowly, “but I think it’s more you won’t let yourself have kids with anyone but Stuart.”

Unity stared at her. “That’s not true.”

“Are you sure? Like I said this morning, I had to deal with a lot of arbitrary rules in my time. I’m good at recognizing them. You’ve made a lot of decisions based on grief. Maybe they were right at first, but I don’t think they’re right now.”

“I can’t think about that now.”

Ellen nodded rather than push. “Just think about them later, okay?”

“I will because you’re my family and I love you.” Unity sighed. “Okay, we’re doing this?”

“We are. We need to.” Ellen picked up her list. After half a bottle of wine, the words swam a little, but she could still read them. “Learn how to do a smoky eye. Get a tattoo. Sing karaoke. Wear clothes that fit for a least a month, which I have to say is really dumb because if I’m buying new clothes, I’m going to wear them for more than a month.”

Unity motioned for her to keep going.

“Have sex with a hunky guy. Get drunk, and not by myself. Hey, does tonight count?”

“No.”

“You’re kind of a pain in my ass.” She returned her attention to the list. “Go out dancing. Wear a bathing suit at the beach.” She grimaced. “I’m so pale, I’ll blind people.”

“Not the point.”

“Be that way. Is that all? Oh, rent an impractical car for the weekend and go wild.” She put down the list. “I’m not getting a ticket.”

“That is entirely up to you.” Unity reached for her own list. “Get a tattoo. Go skydiving. Learn to rock climb. Wear a dress and three-inch heels.”

Ellen waved her hand. “Without a bra.”

“What?”

“You heard me. Just wearing a dress and heels is no big deal. No bra, missy. You have great boobs. You’ll be fine.”

Unity shook her head, then dutifully noted the change. “Look at three houses or condos, even though I don’t want to move.”

“Not at Silver Pines,” Ellen added. “No wistful shopping with the old people.”

“I wasn’t going to look at Silver Pines. I can’t move there until I’m fifty-five.”

“It pains me that you know that.”

Unity smiled. “Get a phone that texts.”

“Hallelujah.”

“Bite me. What else? Join a pickleball team with people my own age. Hire a full-time employee who isn’t past the age of retirement and, last but not least, move my business into an office.”

They looked at each other.

“Some of these are good,” Ellen said. “Like you getting a real office. Even if you never move out of Stuart’s house, it would be nice to get all that inventory out of your garage. You’d have more separation from work.”

“I do like the idea of that one,” Unity admitted. “I’m nervous about hiring someone full-time, though. It’s a lot of responsibility.”

“You’re a responsible person. Besides, you always have more work than you can do.” Ellen looked at her list. “There’s very little on here I can do on my own or even with you.”

“The point is to get out so Cooper realizes you have a life beyond him. He’s afraid he’s all you have.”

Ellen covered her face with her hands. “I didn’t tell you. Jeremy called today.”

Unity’s blue eyes widened. “Jeremy as in Cooper’s father? He called? It’s been seventeen years. What, did he lose your number until today?”

Ellen smiled. “Thank you for the righteous indignation. He’s called a couple of times before. Just to, I don’t know, get an update, I guess.”

“Is that what he wanted today?”