The Friendship List(15)

“Yeah, maybe, but I have a bigger dick.”

“Your mama.”

Lela carried in the quiche, along with egg rolls and dipping sauce. “Really? Is that what we’re reduced to? Bragging about your penis and talking trash about your mothers?”

Freddy waited until she’d put down the food, then pulled her onto his lap. “You picked me. You could have had any man you wanted and you picked me. Now you have to live with it.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck and snuggled close. “I know. Sometimes you get lucky.”

Thaddeus turned his attention to the game, ignoring the disquiet inside. Because saying disquiet was easier than saying loneliness, which was really what it was.

He swallowed the last of his beer, then stood. “I’m gonna go.”

Lela slid to her feet. “What? Don’t. Come on, Thaddeus. Stay to dinner.”

He kissed her cheek, then nodded at Freddy. “I’ll see you at work tomorrow.”

His friend narrowed his gaze. “You’re going to the office, aren’t you?”

“Just for a couple of hours.”

Freddy rose and walked him out. “You okay, man? You need me to come with you?”

“To watch me work? I’m fine. I just have to figure it out.”

Freddy nodded. “Maybe plastic surgery would help.”

Thaddeus laughed and got in his car. As he drove the short distance to his condo’s parking garage, he told himself maybe it was time to accept the fact that he wasn’t meant to find “the one.” He’d already been married once and that had been a disaster. Maybe he was meant to be the fun uncle, the charming party guy who had a string of interchangeable women. There were worse fates. Think of the time he would save if he stopped looking. Given the choice between alone and disappointment—maybe alone didn’t look so bad.

  At 2:57 a.m. Ellen woke from a restless sleep and sat straight up in bed. She didn’t know what she’d been dreaming but whatever it was, it had left her sweaty, with her heart racing. As she stared into the darkness, she was overwhelmed by a sense of dread. Not only did she have to worry about her son resenting her the way she’d resented her parents, but Cooper had been right. She didn’t have a life.

She did the same thing every day. She lived a routine that revolved around her work and her friends and her son. She didn’t date. She, in fact, hadn’t been on a date since she’d found out she was pregnant. Worse, she hadn’t had sex with a man since she’d gotten pregnant.

She flung off the covers and jumped to her feet where she tried to catch her breath.

How had it happened? How had she forgotten to do things like have a life? No wonder her kid was worried about her. She was pathetic, which she could live with, but she was also holding Cooper back, which was unforgiveable. And the worst part? Now that she knew the truth, she was going to have to do something about it.

  Ellen never got back to sleep. Sometime around four thirty, she stopped faking it and got up and showered. She tried to distract herself by playing computer games, but her mind was too busy racing for her to focus.

Shortly before six, she wrote a note for Coop, in case he got up before she was back. As it was the first day of summer vacation, she was pretty sure she wouldn’t see him until noon, but if the unexpected happened, she didn’t want him to worry. She swung by Starbucks, got two venti lattes and a couple of breakfast sandwiches, then headed for Unity’s house, three blocks away.

She used her key to let herself in and tiptoed down the hall. When she saw a light on in her friend’s bathroom, she breathed a sigh of relief.

“It’s me,” she called. “Don’t freak.”

There was a scream from the bathroom, then Unity stuck her head out, a toothbrush in one hand.

“You gave me a heart attack. What are you doing here?”

Ellen held up the Starbucks tray. “Sorry. I have a crisis. I figured you’d be up already.”

Unity, annoyingly pretty with bedhead and no makeup, stared at her. “It’s barely six. What time did you get up?”

“I don’t know. Fourish.”

“Then it must be bad. Give me thirty seconds.”

Ellen retreated to the kitchen. It was already well past sunrise, so she didn’t bother with lights, instead collapsing on one of the kitchen chairs and reaching for a coffee. A couple of minutes later, Unity joined her.

Her friend had pulled a T-shirt over jeans. Her feet were bare, as was her face. Unity wasn’t one to bother with things like makeup. Not that Ellen did much, either. It was such a pain in the ass, and time-consuming. Not only did you have to put it all on, later, when you were dog tired and just wanted to go to bed, you had to take it all off. She had better things to do with her life. Like panic.

Unity took the remaining coffee. “Why didn’t you call me last night?”

“I didn’t think it was bad. Or I was mulling.” Maybe she had been a little embarrassed to share. Yes, Unity was her best friend and they talked about nearly everything, but there was something about what Cooper had said that had made her want to go hide rather than spill her guts.

Unity passed out the sandwiches. She unwrapped hers and took a bite. “Tell me.”

Ellen sucked in a breath, then explained about the overheard conversation. As she spoke all the embarrassment rushed back, along with a good dose of despair, some fear and a bit of chagrin.