The Family Remains(17)
‘Well, only in as much as your dad is a good-looking older man.’
‘My dad is sixty-three, for fuck’s sake, Dom! He’s old enough to be Michael’s dad!’
‘I’m teasing, Rachel. Anyway, this guy is veh, veh handsome.’
‘Maybe a bit too handsome? Do you think?’
Dominique had always selected her boyfriends on the basis of their quirks. The more quirks the better. Jonathan was a walking litany of unusual features and idiosyncrasies. She would not look twice at a cookie-cutter guy like Michael.
‘No! Of course not. Well, not for you, obviously. He’s perfect for you. You look great together. Cheers!’
They clinked their glasses together.
‘What have you got in there?’ Rachel asked, eyeing Dominique’s glass of something pink.
‘Urgh. Sparkling water with Angostura bitters. Bloody hell. It’s so shit, this not-drinking thing.’ She glanced down at her stomach, housed inside a floaty gold tunic top with gold chain straps, and smiled faintly. ‘The things I do for you, little one. The things I do for you.’ Then she glanced up at Rachel and said, ‘Talking of little ones, I’ve briefed Jonathan. He’s going to go into full journalist mode. Ask the right questions. I will have a comprehensive report for you tomorrow. What is it that you’re worried about, exactly? Looks like he’s one hundred per cent into you?’
‘Yeah. Yeah, he is. It’s just I kind of hit a brick wall when I try talking to him about his ex-wife and his kid and I don’t want to keep pressuring him. I just feel like there’s something he’s not telling me. That’s all.’
‘Well, if there’s anything he’s hiding, Jonathan is the man to get it out of him. Leave it with him.’ She winked and tapped the side of her nose. ‘Right, I should mingle. I will see you later …’
Rachel topped up her wine glass and wandered out of the kitchen area and across the loft space towards Michael, who was chatting to a woman called Ella whom Rachel knew vaguely from Dominique’s extended social circle. Ella was small and blonde and effervescent in a way that Rachel, who was not at all effervescent, had always found slightly challenging.
She saw Ella’s face cloud a little as Rachel approached her, since Rachel would never normally approach her at a party, and then she saw Ella’s gaze go to Michael and a flash of realisation pass across her heavily made-up eyes.
‘Hi!’ Rachel pitched in brightly. ‘Ella! Nice to see you! I see you’ve met Michael.’
‘Yes, although I didn’t actually know his name was Michael. We hadn’t got that far.’ She let out a nervous laugh.
‘No,’ Michael interjected. ‘We kind of hit the ground running with stories of worst ski injuries ever.’
‘Oh!’ said Rachel. ‘Hilarious!’
‘So, you’re …?’ Ella waved her hand vaguely between Rachel and Michael.
‘Mmhm,’ said Rachel, nodding. ‘Yes. We’re together.’
‘Oh, good!’ said Ella. ‘Lovely. That’s great!’
‘Yes!’ said Rachel. ‘It really, really is.’
Then she found herself grabbing hold of Michael’s arm and kind of pressing herself against him and for a brief flash she saw herself from the outside looking in and realised she was behaving appallingly. She was being someone she couldn’t bear. Clingy, simpering, insecure. She saw the smile freeze on Ella’s face, and then saw her eyes pass across her shoulder to another point in the room before she said, ‘Well, lovely to meet you, Michael. Enjoy your time in London. And Rachel, so, so lovely to see you – you look gorgeous, by the way. As always.’
Then she left the two of them standing together, a strange feeling building between them.
‘Did you just get a little jealous, Miss Gold?’
‘Fuck off.’
‘Oh, come on. I think you did?’
‘Seriously. Fuck off.’
‘I like it, I think. A little bit.’
‘Stop it.’
‘Seriously. It’s cute. I mean, Jesus, look at you and look at me. You are out of my league in a hundred different ways. I’m the one who should be feeling insecure. I like that you think I might just bin you off for Little Miss Eyelashes over there.’ He rolled his eyes in the general direction of Ella, who was laughing loudly at another man’s jokes a few feet away.
‘I didn’t think that. I was just surprised, that’s all, that you hadn’t mentioned you were with me.’
‘Christ. She didn’t give me a chance! That girl is a motormouth. And also drunk. If she’d slowed down for even a second I would have been straight in there with oh, by the way, small woman with annoying voice, I think you’ll find I’m dating the most beautiful woman in this room, her name is Rachel Gold, do you know her?’
Rachel couldn’t help a smile forming on her lips then, and Michael smiled too, dipping his head towards hers and capturing her gaze with his. ‘You’re the only one, Rachel. The only thing. In the whole world. OK?’
She nodded, submitting to his adoration, even as she felt it diminishing her somehow, making her less.
16
June 2019
I awake the next day with a sharp headache. Not quite a hangover, I didn’t drink enough for a hangover, but more of a shrill prickle of jetlag and dehydration and stress. After breakfast I find a print shop around the corner from my hotel and I get the photo of Phin blown up to A4 size. I cannot bear one more stranger dragging their dirty fingertips across the screen of my phone. Then I put on my sunglasses and begin my day’s quest. For three hours I sweet-talk porters and concierges and stop busy people as they try to get in and out of their apartment blocks to get on with their lives.