The Familiar Dark(53)
“Oh, hey,” she said finally. “Eve, right? I haven’t seen you in forever.”
“Yeah, it’s been a while.”
Crystal leaned over the bar, and I swiveled in my chair. “Can I get a Bud Light?” she asked Sam, and he nodded, handed her an icy bottle. “God.” She sighed. “That tastes good. You wouldn’t think it, but those lights are hot as fuck.” She eyed me over her bottle. “You come in here to hang out?”
I shrugged, pointed at my glass until Sam got the hint. “Yeah.”
“Huh. I can think of about half a dozen better spots. Including your own living room.” She took another swig of beer. “Why in the hell would you want to spend time in this dump if you didn’t have to?”
“It seemed like a good idea at the time.”
That got a half smile out of her, a peek of a canine tooth and a flash of silver filling. “I hear ya. When you need a drink, you need a drink.”
I didn’t correct her notion that drinking was a regular habit of mine. To be fair, judging from the way I was slamming down my vodkas, she had a basis for thinking I still liked the booze. And even though I didn’t enjoy the taste anymore, I was definitely enjoying the fuzziness at the edge of my vision, the blurry wall every swallow built between me and the world.
Crystal gave a quick hoot of laughter. “Remember in eighth grade when we stole a bottle from my sister, Wild Turkey or some shit, and you ended up puking in English class? I can still see the look on Mrs. Johnson’s face when the smell hit her. How long did they suspend you for that time?”
“Two days.” The principal had already given up on me by that point, hadn’t even bothered to give me the same old lecture about getting my shit together and thinking of my future. He’d known as well as I had that I didn’t have a future beyond my mama’s. He probably thought I’d hit rock bottom already, but it turned out there was further to go. More suspensions for drinking and fighting in high school, a looming threat of expulsion, even a ride in the back of Land’s cruiser with my hands cuffed behind my back for threatening a teacher. And then Junie came along and saved me.
Crystal pushed away her half-empty beer bottle, straightened one of her tassels with a practiced hand. “I thought maybe you were in here looking for your brother, but I haven’t seen him lately.”
“Wait, what?” I said, words stumbling and slow. “My brother doesn’t come in here.”
“Sure he does,” Crystal said, going to work on her other tassel, untangling the shimmery black threads. She glanced over at me. “I mean, not to stuff dollar bills in my crotch or anything.”
I shook my head, thinking that might clear away the alcohol cobwebs, but the room tilted and spun. “My brother?” My words were more than slightly slurred now, the syllables running together in one long exhalation. “Cal?”
“That’s who we’re talking about,” Crystal said. “Good-looking. Cop.” She made a gun of her fingers and pulled the trigger in illustration. “Whoa, easy.” She grabbed my shoulder. “You definitely can’t hold your liquor, can you?”
“I’m not . . .” I palmed hair off my face. “I’m not used to drinking.” I jerked away from her hand, caught myself on the edge of the bar when I almost toppled off the stool. “What was Cal doing in here?”
Crystal didn’t touch me again, but her hand hovered nearby, ready to catch me if I pitched forward. “Well, that’s beyond my pay grade. I’m not exactly privy to what goes on in here that doesn’t involve tits and ass. But he was always huddling with that Matt guy. The asshole who got himself blown all to hell a few days ago? That’s as much as I know.”
I would have given anything to wipe away the inability to focus that I’d been loving only a second before. Nothing that Crystal was saying made sense, and I couldn’t clear my brain enough to put any pieces together.
“Gotta go,” she said. “You gonna be okay?”
“Yeah, but wait,” I managed. “Stay for a second.”
“No can do,” Crystal said, already walking away. “It’s my song.”
I watched as she sashayed across the floor, cheap stilettos tapping, and climbed back up to the stage. A mask dropped over her face as she stood, her eyes going blank and faraway. I caught Sam’s attention by slamming my glass down on the bar, and he hurried over, his eyebrows pinching together.
“Did you hear that?” I asked him. “What she said about my brother and Matt?”
“No,” Sam said. “But I wouldn’t put too much stock in anything Crystal says. She’s not the most reliable person. Likes to stir up shit.” He wiped down the bar in front of me. “Can I get you a water?”
I stared at my empty glass. Water was what I needed, but it wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted oblivion. For the first time since Junie died, the pain felt distant. Not gone, but not a raw, exposed wound, either. Hidden behind a semi-opaque wall. I could see its outlines, but not its details. So I had a fourth vodka. And maybe a fifth. I don’t remember. My last coherent memory was my forehead resting on the bar, my stomach rolling, a bead of sweat down my back, a man’s voice in my ear. And then nothing.
* * *
? ? ?