The Contradiction of Solitude(62)

“I don’t. I won’t.” He began to shake, and I dug my fingers into his cheeks. Holding him still.

“Come with me.” I breathed him in.

Tears hot and fierce fell from his eyes. Splashing on my hands. Staining the skin with their exhausted anguish.

“We both need to confront the man that made us.”

“I won’t, Layna,” he warned. His eyes flashing for the first time in weeks.

“I won’t see him.” He pulled away, my fingers grasping, not finding purchase.

“Elian—”

“But I’ll come with you. I’ll be there when you go in and I’ll wait for you to come out. And I’ll help you rid yourself of the monster and the hold you seem to think he has on you.”

The monster’s hold. It wasn’t in my head. It was in my soul.

Elian had no idea…

“Thank you,” I smiled. Elian reached for me just as I reached for him. And we lost ourselves in each other.

On this cusp of the end.



“Diana, do you have a few minutes?” I knocked on my boss’s office door at the back of the bookstore later that day.

Elian had gone home and I had continued packing.

I was going to see my father.

I was going to talk to the man that had ruined my life.

I hated him.

I loved him.

Twisted. Confused. But I knew this was important.

It was time.

“Sure, Layna. Come on in.” Diana looked up from her computer screen, her lips pursed.

“What can I do for you?” she asked, popping a piece of gum in her mouth and chewing noisily.

This was going to be oh so sweet. I had endured her barely concealed abhorrence for long enough.

“I want to give you my notice.”

Diana looked surprised. She clicked the pen in her hand over and over again.

I could grab the pen before she realized what I was doing. I could jam the pointed tip in the tender flesh just beneath her jaw. It would be so easy. So, so easy.

And I wouldn’t feel anything as she bled out onto the floor.

The skin beneath my tattoo on my hip throbbed.

I tried to rid myself of the ugly, wanted thoughts.

“Did you find a new job?” she asked, so nosy. Always wanting information I didn’t want to give her.

“No,” I answered her truthfully.

Click. Click.

“Are you moving?”

I took a deep breath. Calm. Steady.

Ever steady.

Click. Click.

“My last day will be Friday.”

Diana’s eyes darkened. “That’s only four days notice, Layna. That’s not very professional. If you want any sort of good reference from me—”

“I’m sorry, Diana, but that’s all the notice I can give you.”

No explanations.

That was all she deserved.

“I don’t understand.” She was pushing, pushing. Wanting more.

I wouldn’t give it to her.

“I’m sorry if this puts you in a bind, Diana. But there’s nothing I can do. It’s how things are. Thank you for the job. I’ve appreciated the opportunity to work here.”

Lies. All lies.

But given with honey-tongued believability.

Diana looked flustered and I knew she was cursing me seven ways to Sunday in her mind.

“You’re leaving me in a bit of a lurch, Layna. I had you scheduled up through the end of next week—”

“There’s nothing I can do about it,” I cut in. Not giving her a chance to argue.

I was cutting ties.

Severing them completely.

“Well, fine. I better make some phone calls to fill your shifts next week then,” she spat out angrily. She wouldn’t look at me. Which was fine.

She wouldn’t like what she saw anyway.

A smile as high as the sun.



“This weekend? That’s when you want to go?” I could feel his words vibrating through my chest. I lay with my head on his chest. My ear listening to the not so steady thump, thump of his heart.

“Yes. This weekend.”

Plans were made.

“Why so soon? It’s not like he’s going anywhere.” It was a bad joke. Neither of us laughed. We were beyond laughing.

I had waited as long as I was able to. I was too cold. I couldn’t stand it any longer.

I was impatient. I didn’t like being alone without Daddy.

He didn’t say how long he’d be. I really wanted my ice cream.

He promised.

Cold. So cold as I walked towards the house.

It looked familiar.

Had I been here before?

My feet crunched and cracked through the frost. It started to sleet. Ice cutting into my face.

I held my breath as I moved closer.

Closer.

Where was Daddy?

I climbed the steps and stood in front of the door.

The sounds were everywhere.

What were they?

They weren’t like anything I had ever heard before.

Scratching. Crying.

Moaning low and quiet. But loud enough to be heard…

Everywhere.

I turned the doorknob. I went inside.

It was dark. No lights. I could see best in the shadows.