The Candy House(63)
Being alone with a violent, ruthless man, surrounded by water, can make the shore seem very far away.
You may feel solidarity, at such a time, with the beauties just visible there in their bright bikinis.
You may appreciate, at such a time, why you aren’t being paid for this work.
Your voluntary service is the highest form of patriotism.
Remind yourself that you aren’t being paid when he climbs out of the water and lumbers toward you.
Remind yourself that you aren’t being paid when he leads you behind a boulder and pulls you onto his lap.
The Dissociation Technique is like a parachute—you must pull the cord at the correct time.
Too soon, and you will hinder your ability to function at a crucial moment; Too late, and you will be lodged too far inside the action to wriggle free.
You will be tempted to pull the cord when he surrounds you with arms whose bulky strength reminds you, fleetingly, of your husband’s.
You will be tempted to pull it when you feel him start to move against you from below.
You will be tempted to pull it when his smell envelops you: metallic, like a warm hand clutching pennies.
The directive “Relax” suggests that your discomfort is palpable.
“No one can see us” suggests that your discomfort has been understood as fear of physical exposure.
“Relax, relax,” uttered in rhythmic, throaty tones, suggests that your discomfort is not unwelcome.
8
Begin the Dissociation Technique only when physical violation is imminent.
Close your eyes and slowly count backward from ten.
With each number, imagine yourself rising out of your body and moving one step farther away from it.
By eight, you should be hovering just outside your skin.
By five, you should be floating a foot or two above your body, feeling only vague anxiety over what is about to happen to it.
By three, you should feel fully detached from your physical self.
By two, your body should be able to act and react without your participation.
By one, your mind should drift so free that you lose track of what is happening below.
White clouds spin and curl.
A blue sky is as depthless as the sea.
The sound of waves against rocks existed millennia before there were creatures who could hear it.
Spurs and gashes of stone narrate a violence that the earth itself has long forgotten.
Your mind will rejoin your body when it is safe to do so.
9
Return to your body carefully, as if reentering your home after a hurricane.
Resist the impulse to reconstruct what has just happened.
Focus instead on gauging your Designated Mate’s reaction to the new intimacy between you.
In some men, intimacy will prompt callous indifference.
In others, intimacy may awaken problematic curiosity about you.
“Where did you learn to swim like that?” uttered lazily, while supine, with two fingers in your hair, indicates curiosity.
Tell the truth without precision.
“I grew up near a lake” is both true and vague.
“Where was the lake?” conveys dissatisfaction with your vagueness.
“Upstate New York” suggests precision while avoiding it.
“Manhattan?” betrays unfamiliarity with the geography of New York State.
Never contradict your Designated Mate.
“Where did you grow up?,” asked of a man who has just asked you the same question, is known as “mirroring.”
Mirror your Designated Mate’s attitudes, interests, desires, and tastes.
Your goal is to become part of his atmosphere: a source of comfort and ease.
Only then will he drop his guard when you are near.
Only then will he have significant conversations within earshot.
Only then will he leave his possessions in a porous and unattended state.
Only then can you begin to gather information systematically.
10
“Come. Let’s go back,” uttered brusquely, suggests that your Designated Mate has no more wish to talk about himself than you do.
Avoid the temptation to analyze his moods and whims.
Salt water has a cleansing effect.
11
You will see knowledge of your new intimacy with your Designated Mate in the eyes of every beauty on shore.
“We saved lunch for you” is likely an allusion to the reason for your absence.
Cold fish is unappetizing, even when served in a good lemon sauce.
Be friendly to other beauties, but not solicitous.
When in conversation with a beauty, it is essential that you be perceived as no more or less than she is.
Be truthful about every aspect of your life except marriage (if any).
If married, say that you have divorced, to give an impression of unfettered freedom.
“Oh, that’s sad!” suggests that your interlocutor would like to marry.
12
If your Designated Mate veers abruptly toward the villa, follow him.
Taking his hand and smiling will create a sense of low-key camaraderie.
An abstracted smile in return may signal pressing concerns.
The concerns of your Designated Mate are our concerns.