The Calculating Stars (Lady Astronaut, #1)(122)

“You’ll want backup.” Jacira followed her out of the bathroom, ponytail swinging in an arc with her turn.

By my side, Nicole pulled some paper towels from the wall dispenser and wet them. “You okay?”

My head dropped forward so that my chin rested on my chest. “Yes?”

“Wash your face.” She handed me the wad of damp towels. “You’ll feel better.”

“You sound like my mother.” But I took the towels, because Mama had always been right about that. The cool paper blotted some of the heat from my cheeks and forehead. “How did we get here?”

“By being good.”

“No—I mean, I used to be friends with Betty, and now…” I shrugged. “I shouldn’t have gotten so mad with her about the Girl Scout thing.”

Nicole snorted. “Please. She made that bed.”

“I helped.”

“Maybe, but—”

The door to the bathroom opened. Jacira pulled Betty in, with Sabiha close on her heels. She let Betty go and positioned herself with Sabiha by the door, arms crossed over her chest. Betty glanced over her shoulder and then back at me.

“Well … I feel like I’m back in high school again.” Her lips curled in a sardonic smile. “Going to accuse me of being a slut?”

I still had the damp towel in my hand and set it down on the counter. “I was going to apologize.”

“Was.”

“Am. I’m sorry for being so angry about the Girl Scout thing. I’ve treated you badly.” I took a breath and wiped my hands on my trousers. “And I wanted to ask for a favor.”

“It’s not really an apology if it comes with a price tag.”

“True. Fair.”

“But then, I wouldn’t expect a Jew to give something away for free.”

Through the white heat of my rage, I saw Nicole push off from the sink. “I find that offensive.”

“Oh. Are you a Jewess now?”

“I don’t have to be to recognize offensive language.” She crossed the room and glared at Betty. “You were a WASP. Have you forgotten why we fought the war?”

“It’s okay.” It wasn’t, but I needed to pretend it was, so I stepped away from the sink. Our intervention wasn’t helping and might even make things worse. “Betty, I’m sorry. May I … I just wanted to talk to you. May we?”

She pursed her lips for a moment, then gave a cursory nod. “Go ahead.”

“Could you—could you not tell Life that I take Miltown?” Tension locked my ribs into a knot. “Please.”

She shook her head slowly. “Look … I’m sorry. This is my career.”

“Ours too.” I gestured to the five of us crowded into the bathroom. “Women in the space program are already on shaky ground. How do you think it will look if one of them is on tranquilizers?”

“If you don’t get to go into space, you can go back to the computer department. You have a husband who’s in the program. It is a colony effort, so it will just be a matter of time before they let you go up, even if I run the article tomorrow. Me … they’re never going to let me go. I don’t have another career. All I’ve got is this job with Life magazine.” Betty rested her hands on her hips and stared at the floor. “I’m sorry. I really am.”

Jacira cocked her head. “Do even you want to go into space?”

“Yes!” Betty’s voice cracked, and she balled her hands into fists. “Jesus. Why does everyone think that I don’t care? Parker keeps saying I’m not a pilot, but I am, and—forget it.”

“I’ll teach you math.” The offer came out before my brain caught up with me.

“What?”

“I used to tutor at university. Not just arithmetic, but the higher-level stuff.” This was like Parker offering to certify me on the T-38 if I didn’t tell anyone about the weakness in his left leg. Had he felt this gripping desperation wrapping itself around his middle when he’d been talking to me? I sighed, letting my ego out so I could keep going. “They want more computers. I can teach you to be one.”

“And if I say no?”

Behind me, Nicole shifted and sighed. “Then we go back to high school. I know about Parker. And I know about his wife.”

Betty’s face went pale. I’d thought that she might be sleeping with Parker, but whatever was going on with his wife was outside my awareness. And it didn’t matter. I wasn’t Parker.

“No.” I turned to face Nicole. “We’re not going to play that game. If Betty doesn’t want to help us, then that’s her call. We’ll respect that, and I’ll figure out something else.”

Nicole’s jaw set, as if she were about to argue with me. In the mirror over the sink I could see Betty, brows drawn together, leaning back on her heels as if she would flee if she could. Behind her, Jacira and Sabiha guarded the door. All of them watched me.

And in the mirror, I could see who I could become. I could become Parker, pushing with everything I had to get into space.

I let my breath out, counting through a Fibonacci sequence. “I’m sorry, Betty. I’m sorry I’ve treated you badly. And I’m sorry I tried to bully you into changing your story.” Turning, I rubbed my forehead. “The offer to tutor you in math still stands.”