The Boy and His Ribbon (The Ribbon Duet, #1)(94)

Silence fell, heavier but friendlier than before.

Cassie was the first one to speak. “The brand on your hip. The one you said they put there. It has MC before the number…for Mclary, right?”

I gritted my teeth, cursing that permanent reminder. “Yes.”

“And you swear on your life you’ve never done anything else? Never been tempted? Never gone too far in that one bedroom in the barn?” Her eyes blazed with distrust. “That kiss was the first and the last?”

I thudded a fist over my heart. “I promise on my life.”

A thick pause settled around us, cushioning the night.

“I believe you,” Patricia finally murmured. “I hear the honesty in what you’re saying.”

I nodded gratefully. “I’m sorry.”

She shook her head kindly. “Nothing to be sorry for. She’s young. Just like the day I caught her and Liam naked, she’s merely exploring her sexuality and confused on where desire fit in.”

I swallowed hard, refusing to let the word desire anywhere near the thought of Della.

John stepped forward, his face weary and wrinkled. “I think you better go. It’s late. We’ll all get some rest and deal with this in the morning.”

“I can’t sleep in that bedroom, sir.” My voice thickened with urgency. “I…I can’t stay here. I need to leave. That’s why I’m here. I need you to take care of Della. I’ll find another job. I’ll pay for her upkeep. But—” I glanced at Cassie’s whose eyes glassed with tears. “I don’t think it’s fair for me to continue trying to be her role model when I’m obviously failing.”

“You can’t go,” Cassie whispered. “That’s just stupid.”

“I…I don’t think I have a choice,” I whispered back, wishing I could offer sympathy but sensing that to touch her now would be the worst mistake of my life. I’d always known something deeper lurked beneath Cassie’s sweet affection and fierce tumbles in the hay. She pretended it was just casual sex between us, but occasionally, I’d catch that look in her eyes. The one she was giving me now. The look that petrified me because Della gave me the same look, only innocent.

It was love.

And love had hurt me enough.

“I’m sorry.” I rolled my shoulders. “To all of you.”

Patricia joined John, taking a few steps closer. “Don’t be silly, Ren. We love you and Della. We want both of you to stay. Move your things into the hay loft if it will make it easier. We’ll arrange for one of the stables to be converted into an extra bedroom. Now that Della knows kissing you is not permitted, things will go back to normal…you’ll see. No one needs to leave.” Her voice softened. “And besides, who will help John in the fields? You’ve been the best help we could have ever asked for. You’re family, not just an employee, and we won’t hear of this nonsense about you leaving.”

I was trapped.

Trapped between trying to do the right thing and being given permission to do the wrong one.

I didn’t want to leave.

The thought of walking away from Della ripped out my guts and left me dying, but how could I ever relax around her again? How could I speak to her without second-guessing if it was too affectionate? How could I ever touch her without fearing I was giving her mixed messages?

The carefree innocence we shared was forever lost.

John came closer and clasped my shoulder with his large, hairy hand. “I don’t like that you lied to us, but I know you’re a good man, Ren Wild. It’s late. Go to bed. I’ll come see you in the morning.” His eyes flashed with more, but he held his tongue.

With nothing else to do, I murmured goodnight and returned to the barn where I’d assumed Della would be curled up tight in bed. I should’ve just headed to the hay loft to sleep amongst the grain and grass, but something made me check. Something clawed inside to see…to make sure she was okay.

She’d been just as distraught as I was and had no one to console her.

Part of me was glad she suffered—if it taught her the valuable lesson never to do it again, then so be it. But most of me twisted with agony, knowing she was sad and I hadn’t been there to dry her tears and hug away her heartache.

My thoughts were tangled as I snuck into the bedroom, my eyes locking onto Della’s bed.

Then nothing else mattered.

Not the kiss.

Not the mess.

Nothing.

Because she wasn’t there.

Her bed was empty.

The barn, too.

It took me two minutes to learn that the emptiness inside the place we called home was just the beginning of the emptiness inside me.

I tore apart every hiding place she’d ever used. I galloped over the fields and screamed at the top of my lungs for a reply.

But she wasn’t there to answer.

She wasn’t there at all.

And now, after pointless wastage of time, trying to decide what I should do, I made the only decision I could.

I couldn’t let her be out in the world on her own.

I couldn’t forget her and turn my back.

I would never forgive myself, just like I would never forgive her for every disastrous consequence she’d caused by kissing me.

What was the right thing to do?

The right thing was to chase after her, keep her safe, and bring her back here…to where she belonged. I was the one who should leave.