The Birthday List(6)

“Is it?”

We went into a stare-down, my chest heaving as I refused to blink.

Finn broke first and slumped forward. “I’m sorry. I just want you to be happy.”

I stepped to the counter and placed my hand on top of his. “I know, but please, try and understand why I need to do this.”

He shook his head. “I don’t get it. I don’t know why you’d put yourself through all that. But you’re my sister and I love you, so I’ll try.”

“Thank you.” I squeezed his hand. “I want you to be happy too. Maybe instead of dinner with me, you should go to Molly’s? You could try and talk after the kids go to bed.”

He shook his head, a lock of his rust-colored hair falling out of place as he spoke to the countertop. “I love her. I always will, but I can’t forgive what she did. I just . . . can’t.”

I wished he’d try harder. I hated to see my brother so heartbroken. Molly too. I’d jump at the chance to get Jamie back, no matter what mistakes he might have made.

“So, karate?” Finn asked, changing subjects. He might disapprove of my choice to finish Jamie’s list, but he’d rather talk about it than his failed marriage.

“Karate. I made an appointment to try a class tonight.” It was probably a mistake, doing strenuous physical exercise the night before the grand opening, but I wanted to get it done before the restaurant opened and I got too busy—or chickened out.

“Then, I guess, tomorrow you’ll get to cross two things off the list. Opening this restaurant and going to a karate class.”

“Actually.” I held up a finger, then went to the register for my purse. I pulled out my oversized bag and rifled around until my fingers hit Jamie’s leather journal. “I’m going to cross off the restaurant one today.”

I hadn’t completed many items on Jamie’s list, but every time I did, waterworks followed. The restaurant’s opening tomorrow was going to be one of my proudest moments and I didn’t want it flooded with tears.

“Would you do it with me?” I asked.

He smiled. “You know I’ll always be here for whatever you need.”

I knew.

Finn had held me together these last five years. Without him, I don’t think I would have survived Jamie’s death.

“Okay.” I sucked in a shaky breath, then grabbed a pen from the jar by the register. Flipping to the thirtieth-birthday page, I carefully checked the little box in the upper right corner.

Jamie had given each birthday a page in the journal. He’d wanted some space to make notes about his experience or tape in pictures. He’d never get to fill in these pages, and even though I was doing his list, I couldn’t bring myself to do it either. So after I finished one of his items, I simply checked the box and ignored the lines that would always remain empty.

As expected, the moment I closed the journal, a sob escaped. Before the first tear fell, Finn had rounded the corner and pulled me into his arms.

I miss you, Jamie. I missed him so much it hurt. It wasn’t fair that he couldn’t do his own list. It wasn’t fair that his life had been cut short because I’d asked him to run a stupid errand. It wasn’t fair that the person responsible for his death was still living free.

It wasn’t fair.

The flood of emotion consumed me and I let it all go into my brother’s navy shirt.

“Please, Poppy,” Finn whispered into my hair. “Please think about stopping this list thing. I hate that it makes you cry.”

I sniffled and wiped my eyes, fighting with all my strength to stop crying. “I have to,” I hiccupped. “I have to do this. Even if it takes me years.”

Finn didn’t reply; he just squeezed me tighter.

We hugged each other for a few minutes until I got myself together and stepped back. Not wanting to see the empathy in his eyes, I looked around the restaurant. The restaurant I’d only been able to buy because of Jamie’s life insurance money.

“Do you think he’d have liked it?”

Finn threw his arm over my shoulders. “He’d have loved it. And he’d be so proud of you.”

“This was the one item on his list that wasn’t just for him.”

“I think you’re wrong about that. I think this was for him. Making your dreams come true was Jamie’s greatest joy.”

I smiled. Finn was right. Jamie would have been so excited about this place. Yes, it was my dream, but it would have been his too.

Wiping my eyes one last time, I put the journal away. “I’d better get my stuff done so I can get to that class.”

“Call me afterward if you need to. I’ll just be home. Alone.”

“Like I said, you could always go eat dinner with your family.” He shot me a glare and I held up my hands. “Just an idea.”

Finn kissed my cheek and took another long drink of his coffee. “I’m going to go.”

“But you’re coming by tomorrow?”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Proud of you, sis.”

I was proud of me too. “Thanks.”

We walked together to the door, then I locked it behind him before rushing back to the kitchen. I dove into my cooking, making a tray of quiches that would sit overnight in the refrigerator and bake fresh in the morning. When my watch dinged the minute after I’d slid the tray into the fridge, I took a deep breath.