The Birthday List(5)

Kali, my four-year-old niece, giggled. Her pink summer dress swished behind her as she raced toward me. Her brown curls—curls that matched Molly’s—bounced down her shoulders as she flew into my arms. I kissed her cheek and tickled her sides but quickly let her go, knowing she wasn’t here for me.

“Where’s Mommy?”

I nodded toward the back. “In the kitchen.”

“Mommy!” she yelled as she ran in search of Molly.

I stood just as the door jingled again and my brother, Finn, stepped inside with two-year-old Max in his arms.

“Hi.” He crossed the room and tucked me into his side for a hug. “How are you?”

“Good.” I squeezed his waist, then stood on my tiptoes to kiss my nephew’s cheek. “How are you?”

“Fine.”

Finn was far from fine but I didn’t comment. “Do you want something to drink? I’ll make you your favorite caramel latte.”

“Sure.” He nodded and set down Max when Molly and Kali came out of the kitchen.

“Mama!” Max’s entire face lit up as he toddled toward his mother.

“Max!” She scooped him up, kissing his chubby cheeks and hugging him tight. “Oh, I missed you, sweetheart. Did you have a fun time at Daddy’s?”

Max just hugged her back while Kali clung to her leg.

Finn and Molly’s divorce had been rough on the kids. Seeing their parents miserable and splitting time between homes had taken its toll.

“Hi, Finn. How are you?” Molly’s voice was full of hope that he’d give her just a little something nice.

“Fine,” he clipped.

The smile on her face fell when he refused to look at her but she recovered fast, focusing on her kids. “Let’s go grab my stuff from the office and then we can go home and play before dinner.”

I waved. “See you tomorrow.”

She nodded and gave me her biggest smile. “I can’t wait. This is going to be wonderful, Poppy. I just know it.”

“Thanks.” I smiled good-bye to my best friend and ex-sister-in-law.

Molly looked back at Finn, waiting for him to acknowledge her, but he didn’t. He kissed his children good-bye and then turned his back on his ex-wife, taking the stool Randall had vacated.

“Bye, Finn,” Molly whispered, then led the kids back through the kitchen to the small office.

The minute we heard the back door close, Finn groaned and rubbed his hands over his face. “This fucking sucks.”

“Sorry.” I patted his arm and then went behind the counter to make his coffee.

The divorce was only four months old and both were struggling to adjust to the new normal of different houses, custody schedules and awkward encounters. The worst part of it all was that they still loved each other. Molly was doing everything she could to get just a fraction of Finn’s forgiveness. Finn was doing everything he could to make her pay.

And as Molly’s best friend and Finn’s sister, I was caught in between, attempting to give them both equal love and support.

“Is everything set for tomorrow?” Finn propped his elbows on the counter and watched me make his latte.

“Yes. I need to do a couple of things for the breakfast menu, but then I’m all set.”

“Want to grab dinner with me tonight? I can wait around for you to finish up.”

My shoulders stiffened and I didn’t turn away from the espresso drip. “Um, I actually have plans tonight.”

“Plans? What plans?”

The surprise in his voice wasn’t a shock. In the five years since Jamie had died, I’d rarely made plans that hadn’t included him or Molly. I’d all but lost touch with the friends Jamie and I’d had from college. The only girlfriend I still talked to was Molly. And the closest I’d come to making a new friend lately had been my conversation earlier with Randall.

Finn was probably excited, thinking I was doing something social and branching out, which wasn’t entirely untrue. But my brother wasn’t going to like the plans I’d made.

“I’m going to a karate class,” I blurted and started steaming his milk. I could feel his frown on my back, and sure enough, it was still there when I delivered his finished latte.

“Poppy, no. I thought we talked about giving up this list thing.”

“We talked about it, but I don’t remember agreeing with you.”

Finn thought my desire to complete Jamie’s birthday list was unhealthy.

I thought it was necessary.

Because maybe if I finished Jamie’s list, I could find a way to let him go.

Finn huffed and dove right into our usual argument. “It could take you years to get through that list.”

“So what if it does?”

“Finishing his list isn’t going to bring him back. It’s just your way of holding on to the past. You’re never going to move on if you can’t let him go. He’s gone, Poppy.”

“I know he’s gone,” I snapped, the threat of tears burning my throat. “I’m well aware that Jamie isn’t coming back, but this is my choice. I want to finish his list and the least you can do is be supportive. Besides, you’re one to talk about moving on.”

“That’s different,” he countered.