The Birthday List(56)

Cole took me in his arms with one hand gripping my hip while the other held my hand between us. My free hand slid up his chest, resting on his sternum. Underneath the thin cotton of his shirt, his heartbeat seemed fast—harder than normal. I bet if I touched my own chest, my own would match.

“Having fun?” He swayed me with the music.

I nodded. “Thanks for coming with me. I haven’t been to a wedding since . . . you know.”

“Whatever you need, I’ll be there in a heartbeat.”

I relaxed into his arms, resting my head next to my hand. When his chin hit the top of my head, I let out a sigh.

This is nice. The fairy lights above us were twinkling. The singer’s voice was soothing. And as cheesy as it sounded in my head, love was in the air. This dance with Cole was maybe the most romantic dance I’d had . . . ever.

I’d always had to beg Jamie to slow dance with me. His idea of dancing was a fast jitterbug or the bump and grind like we were at a club. The last time he’d held me close to dance had been at our wedding. Even then, he’d been so distracted—waving to people as they’d watched us—our dance hadn’t held much tenderness.

Nothing like this moment with Cole.

“What was your wedding like?”

“Hectic.” I frowned. “Jamie had no interest in wedding planning so I did it all myself. I wanted a nice, small get-together in Alaska, but Jamie wanted a big party at the ranch. We actually got in a huge fight about it and ended up doing both. We got married in Alaska and then had a party at the ranch.”

“Good compromise.”

I scoffed. “Not really. It was twice as much work as it should have been. But Jamie wasn’t known for his compromising skills. By the time it was over, we were at each other’s throats.”

As relaxed as Jamie had been, his competitive streak had been legendary. Sometimes, I think he liked to argue with me just to prove he could win. We’d get into innocent little debates that would turn into knockdown, drag-out fights because he’d never concede that I might have a point. After years together, I’d started to just let him win. I’d drop my stance and take his side to avoid the battle, even when deep down I didn’t agree.

I leaned back to look at Cole. “Did you know I love playing board games?”

“No.” He shook his head.

“Yeah, I do. But I haven’t played since college. Jamie had to win. It took all the fun out of it. I hated—”

Stop. What was I doing? Bad-mouthing my husband when he wasn’t here to defend himself? I was supposed to be honoring his memory, not questioning everything about him. About us.

“You hated what?” Cole asked.

“Nothing.” I looked at the floor. “I shouldn’t be talking about Jamie like that. He was the best. He just liked to win and maybe I’m a sore loser.”

Cole used his finger to tip up my chin. “No one is perfect. Just because he had some faults doesn’t mean you loved him any less. We’ve all got our weaknesses. That’s what makes us human.”

“I shouldn’t be complaining about him. It’s not fair and I don’t want you to think badly about him.”

His finger left my chin as his hand framed my cheek. “I’ll never think badly about him. I’ll probably always be jealous. He had you first, and as much as I’m trying to be a grown-up about this, I’ve got a competitive streak myself. But I’ll never think badly of him. He was special to you, which makes him special to me. Weaknesses and all.”

I stared into his beautiful green eyes as the worries I’d had about Jamie all seeped away with Cole’s words. “How do you always know what to say to make me feel better?”

“I’m close to perfect.”

I smiled. “And very modest.”

He shrugged. “Modesty is for suckers.”

We both laughed and I leaned my head back against his chest to finish our dance. He’d been teasing, but from what I could tell, Cole Goodman was close to perfect. In our time together, I’d yet to discover a chink in his armor.

“What’s one of your weaknesses?”

His hand at my hip moved up my spine so his fingers could play with my hair. “You.”

I melted into him again, closing my eyes as we kept swaying. He was a weakness of mine too.

Soon, the music stopped and the couples around us came back into focus. When he offered me his arm, I looped mine with his as he escorted me back to our table.

“Do you want to stay?” he asked.

I looked around at the thinning crowd. It wasn’t late, but my friend and her new husband were inching toward the exit, ready to make a quiet escape.

“Not really.” I grabbed the clutch from my chair. “Let’s sneak out.”

Our escape was fast and the drive back to my house was quiet. I stared out my window as Cole drove, studying the stars shining brightly in the clear sky. My neighborhood didn’t have streetlights, so when I climbed down from the truck, I took a moment to look up into the midnight sky. “I’ve never been able to find the North Star.” No matter how many times someone told me the trick to finding it, I never could.

Cole joined me at my side and searched the stars. “It’s right there.”

I stepped closer, following his outstretched arm up to his pointing finger. “I still don’t see it. People always say it’s the brightest, but they all look the same to me.”