Straight Up Love (The Boys of Jackson Harbor #2)(29)

“You were so scared that you’d miss your old room that you refused to take the bigger bedroom even though you wanted it.”

“It worked out okay.” I punch him on the shoulder. “And I don’t remember you complaining.”

“And then when you got the fellowship to get an MFA in drama in New York City . . .? You worked so hard on that application, and when they offered it, you declined.”

“I’d started dating Harrison. It didn’t make sense to leave. And anyway, I avoided a lot of student loan debt by passing on that program.”

He steps forward and taps the stack of potential sperm donors. “And now you want a baby, but you’ve put the brakes on that too.”

My cheeks heat because I’m still embarrassed about my plans, and it’s weird to have this conversation with my brother. “Is my wild-and-free brother actually trying to talk me into having a baby?” I ask.

“Maybe.” He folds his arms. “When Ellie told me she’d successfully stalled your plans, I was pissed. You need to be reminded to go after life, not to be cautious. Your whole life has been cautious.”

“She just doesn’t want me jumping into anything.”

“I know you, sis. You don’t like change. It scares you to death. So I know it’s a big deal for you to have even gone this far. Don’t stop short of your dreams because you’re afraid of change. Change can be good.”

“This decision isn’t just about me. I have the child to consider, and Ellie’s right. It’ll be so hard to do it on my own.”

“The timing will never be perfect.” He narrows his eyes and shakes his head. “You gotta take risks if you want to be happy.”

“Coming from the boy who spends his whole life taking risks and never feeling content, I’m not sure that’s great advice.” I bite my lip. “No offense, Colt.”

“Nah. I get it. We’re different. Maybe you need to be a little more like me, and I need to be a little more like you. But you’re prepared for this. You have a job—two, really, and three if you count that summer thing you do with the kids. And that’s not even accounting for all the rainy-day savings you’ve worked so hard for and refuse to touch.” He taps my nose affectionately, just like he used to when we were kids. “Everything will work out if you just let it.”

“I never would have guessed you’d be so in favor of me doing this.” I expected him to be more like Ellie—terrified I’d be wasting what was left of my youth. But as shocking as it is, it also feels good. I like having my brother on my side.

“I know you. I know what matters to you. Focus less on making the safest decision and more on making one that’s true to you.”

“Damn.” I prop my hands on my hips. “When did you get so wise?”

He grins. “I gotta jet. Let me know how dinner goes, and tell Molly I said hey.”

“Will do.”

He leaves, and I turn to look at the calendar on my fridge. My hectic schedule is all there—theater rehearsals, drama club meetings, and shifts at Jackson Brews. I love this life. I’m truly, truly grateful for everything that fills it. So grateful that I’ve spent years feeling guilty every time I wanted a little less busy and a little more meaning.

A baby. A family of my own.

Maybe Colton’s right. Maybe I should be a little less afraid of change and a little more willing to grab on to the life I want.





Ava


“I’m torn between the six-foot-tall physicist and the five-foot-eight therapist,” I tell Jake behind the bar on Friday. “I want my child to be smart but also empathetic, so it’s a tough decision.”

He folds his arms, and his dark T-shirt pulls across the bunching muscles in his shoulders. “You’re seriously choosing the father of your future child based on his height and profession alone?”

I shrug. “There’s some additional information too, but all other things being equal, the details are definitely limited.”

“So once you decide, then what happens?”

“Well, I’m going against the advice of the doctor at the clinic and taking the cheap route, which means self-insemination.”

“Turkey baster?”

I roll my eyes. “Not exactly.” But close.

“Why does the doctor advise against that?”

“The clinic offers all this fertility help, and he thinks that’s what I need. I want to be careful with my money, though, so I’d rather do it on my own. At least at first. Maybe I’ll get lucky.”

“Fertility help?”

“You know, they’ll figure out when I’m ovulating and do the insertion at the best time. They can even give me some meds to make me ovulate, but all that costs money, so I want to try it this way first. Truth be told, I’m probably a prime candidate for the additional help, but I want to believe that my inability to get pregnant with Harrison was a fluke and doesn’t point to serious fertility issues.”

Jake winks at a girl across the counter and fills her beer before turning back to me. “Explain this to me. What makes the doctor think you need additional help?”

“I don’t have regular periods, so it’s hard for me to know when I’m fertile. I could buy those ovulation detectors, but really those are best used around the time you think you might be ovulating. Since I have no clue, it’s a giant waste of money.”