Straight Up Love (The Boys of Jackson Harbor #2)(14)

“If you don’t start getting specific, I’m just going to fill in the blank with dirty things.”

Grinning, she rolls her eyes. “Stop it. I mean Straight Up Casual. I’m officially enrolled, and I even scheduled two dates. My first is next Saturday.”

My breath leaves me in a rush, and I fucking pray she doesn’t notice. I’ve watched Ava date for years and I’ve never liked it, but I’ve handled it. Hell, I even danced at her wedding. But somehow now, with the full understanding of her endgame, the old kick in the nuts packs a little more punch. “You’re supposed to close next Saturday.”

“I’ve asked Cindy if she’ll swap shifts with me, and she’s cool with it if you are.” That cute little line appears between her brows as she frowns. “You are okay with me taking a Saturday night off, aren’t you?”

“Sure.” I’m not just okay with it—I’ve encouraged her to do it more often. She works too damn much. Between school and theater and Jackson Brews, she barely does anything but work. But for a Straight Up Casual date? For Ava?

I’ve used Straight Up Casual a few times in the past—though I’d rather eat crow than admit that to her right now, or ever—and in my experience, it’s a hookup service used by people looking for a hot night in bed, not a lifetime of love. What else would you expect from a blind date that starts with a shot of straight liquor? “Yesterday it was sperm, and today it’s drunken blind dates.” I shake my head. “You’re full of surprises, Av.”

Her eyes go wide before she turns her gaze away from me completely. She busies herself putting a rack of clean pint glasses on the shelf. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Fuck. Now my hurt feelings are turning me into an asshole. What’s wrong with me, anyway? I decided years ago that I was okay with accepting Ava’s friendship and never again asking for more. I’m not a glutton for punishment. But now that she’s talking about starting a family, suddenly I can’t cope? I shake my head. “I’m being a dick. Ignore me.”

“You kind of are.” A regular at the end of the bar raises his empty glass, and Ava pours a fresh beer and runs the tab for another before coming back to stand by me. “Seriously, if you think I’m hyped about using a dating service to find a man, you don’t know me at all.”

I know you better than anyone. “So why are you doing it?”

“I promised Ellie I’d try.”

Ellie is taking Ava’s baby-making plans even harder than I am, so of course she’d want Ava to date around instead of getting knocked up. “But Straight Up Casual? Really?”

“That’s how Ellie and my brother met,” she says.

I’m not sure I’d use Ellie and Colton as the metric by which to measure a successful relationship, but I keep my mouth shut and force myself to shrug. “Well, I hope they match you with someone good.”

She bites her bottom lip and wrinkles her nose. “Is it terrible that I’m not super optimistic?”

“More realistic than terrible.” I take a breath, remembering why I came down here. “Listen, can we talk for a minute?”

She refills her sample glass and nods. “Sure.”

The bar is quiet, and Cindy is working the floor, so she can handle it without Ava. I nod to the kitchen. “In private?”

She arches a brow. “Is everything okay? Is it your mom?”

“Mom’s fine. It’s not that.” I push open the swinging door to the kitchen and follow her through it. “I wanted to talk about this morning . . . what we discussed.”

She does a slow turn, scanning the empty kitchen before turning back to me and saying in a low, conspiratorial whisper, “You mean about the sperm?”

I set my jaw. “Yeah. That.”

Her lips twitch. “Is it a bad word now? Or is pregnancy a taboo conversation?”

I shove my hands in my pocket. “Neither, but it’s your private business, and I didn’t think you wanted every barfly to know it.”

She swats my chest lightly, and I want to grab her hand and hold it there. I’d tell her to pay attention to my heartbeat and feel it accelerate from her touch. I want all the things I’ve spent years aching for and denied myself.

And just like I have for years, I push those feelings aside and prioritize our friendship.

“You didn’t tell me Harrison’s wife is pregnant.”

“I didn’t know you cared.”

“I do when it’s making you do crazy things like try to get knocked up.”

Her gaze drops to the floor. “That’s not why.”

“Isn’t it?” I shove my hands in my pockets. I wish I could tilt her chin up so she was forced to meet my eyes, but we don’t touch like that, and if I touched her face right now, I know I’d want to slide my hand into her hair and lower my mouth to hers. I’ve kissed Ava once. Only once. What would I give for another go at that kiss?

“I’ve wanted a baby for years. The invitation to Harrison’s baby shower just . . . I’m not young anymore.”

“You’re going to be an amazing mom someday. But suddenly you’re going to desperate measures to make it happen? And how does letting Ellie send you on blind dates fit into this?”