Star Daughter(51)

“You see?” Padmini looked sad. “You must heed the decree of the Esteemed Matriarch and Patriarch. They know things we cannot.”

She paused, then asked in a brighter tone, “Now that that is settled, would you care for some lunch?”

Sheetal was shaking. How could her own grandmother do this to her? How could her mother let Nani do it?

It was a safeguard, of course. They didn’t trust her. And they were right not to, not that she’d tell them that.

She mumbled something to Padmini about eating in her room and fled. Her hands weren’t just tingling, they were on fire. Twinkling. Sparkling. Flashing.

Not again. No, no, no.

Trapped. She was trapped. The walls were getting smaller, or she was fading, or . . .

Through the haze of terror, she realized what was happening. Panic attack.

The champions’ quarters weren’t far from the common room, but they might as well have been a universe apart. It felt like she ran into every single star in her constellation on the way, and some just had to stop to ask her questions or wish her well. A couple even tried to give her advice from previous challengers. All of it evanesced into background noise.

Somehow, even though darkness had infiltrated her chest, even though she was sure her mind was cracking in half, Sheetal managed to smile. To hold herself tightly tucked in so she didn’t spill out everywhere. She didn’t know what she actually said to all those people—they blurred into one big smear of starlight—but the astral music chimed merrily, a million bright bells, so it must have been okay.

An eon later, she toppled over the threshold to her room and closed the door behind her. Then she sagged onto the newly made-up cloud mattress. The determination that had sustained her since she’d left home ruptured, leaving her empty.

They trapped me. All of them. I’m burning.

She twisted her weird, dangerous hands behind her back. There, no more twinkling. If she couldn’t see it, it didn’t exist, right?

But that didn’t keep the fire from spreading through her. Or the fear as her radiance stained everything a blinding silver. She was going to go up in flames. Turn to ash.

What am I going to do? What am I going to do? What . . .

Her breaths came faster and faster, shorter and shorter, choking her until she couldn’t breathe at all.

She was going to immolate herself and disappear, too, just like Dad. . . .

The door swung open. “Sheetal?”

Then Minal was there, tucking the cloud coverlet around Sheetal. “She’s hyperventilating!”

Padmini stood behind her, wetting a cloth with water from the pitcher someone must have topped off.

Who took care of all that? Sheetal wondered distantly. She’d have to find out.

Minal spread the damp cloth over her forehead. “Count to ten for me, Sheetu. You can do that.”

I can do that, she parroted. It hurt to hold her breath, but she somehow stopped hyperventilating long enough to count to ten. Then she inhaled rose-scented air and did it again. The whole time, she thought of Dad, of Minal. Even of Dev.

“You’re okay,” Minal soothed, handing her a glass of water. “You’re okay.”

It was just a wisp of hope, like smoke, but Sheetal latched onto it, sipping the water. I’m okay. Then she started counting the beats in the starry melody, letting it flow in and out of her.

She repeated the numbers slowly, purposefully, like a chant. They marched through her mind, soldiers corralling her errant thoughts and bringing them to heel. Slowly, her breath calmed and began to deepen, and her flushed skin cooled. The hazy room grew distinct around her, bold and full of color.

She was okay. “Thanks.”

Minal hugged her, then sat back. “Just glad I could help.”

“How’d you know I was here, anyway?”

Minal hooked a thumb at Padmini, then at a tray of food sitting on the bedside table. “She told me you wanted to eat here. So we got you some food.”

“Thanks,” Sheetal said. When Padmini didn’t leave, she added, “But I need to talk to you. Alone.”

Padmini stepped back. “I will leave you to speak in peace.” She offered Minal a shy smile, adding, “Find me outside when you are finished.”

The second the door had closed, Sheetal laid her head on Minal’s shoulder and told her everything, from Nani’s bargain to seeing Dev to Padmini’s refusal to help with the blood.

Minal was quiet for a minute. “She answers to your grandparents. What do you want her to do?”

Sheetal jerked upright. “Whose side are you on?”

“Yours, obviously.” But Minal lit up like she was the star in the room. “Did you know she loves fashion? She actually designs your grandma’s clothes! Can you imagine the fabrics?”

“So?” Sheetal shrugged. Who cared about that? It was so unfair that Minal got to come along and experience nothing but magic and beauty while Sheetal only got the pressure of not failing. “If she won’t help me, I’m stuck here in this competition!”

“I’m not sure that’s such a bad thing.”

Sheetal stared at her. “Huh?”

“Listen, I’ve been thinking. It sucks that you got roped into this, no doubt. But maybe, instead of trying to run away from it, own it. Fight back.” Minal fanned her arm out to take in the whole room. “This is yours, you know. And your dad is safe for now. We saw him.”