Spy Games (Tarnished Heroes #1)(8)

The girl who’d idolized Rand didn’t understand the shift in their relationship now that there wasn’t one. This was the man she’d looked up to, the one who’d played Lincoln Logs with her and told her one day he’d build her a house and they’d get married. Deep down, she’d held onto that promise through all these years. It was ridiculous and silly, but…she’d never given up the torch for him. Oh, she might want to wring his goddamn neck for abandoning Matt like he had, but an equal part of her wanted to hug him so tight he wouldn’t be broken anymore.

Rand Duncan might be a badass spy, but she’d seen him the day they amputated Matt’s arm. She knew what a shattered human being looked like.

“You understand, don’t you?”

“That you want me to be your prisoner to make sure your gig is safe? Yeah. I get it.”

“You aren’t a prisoner, Sarah.”

“You aren’t even considering if what I’m carrying is important to someone else’s mission.”

“I can’t think about anyone else right now.”

“I’m sorry I’m an inconvenience.”

“That’s—stop. I did not say that.”

She tilted her head to the side and stared at him. The same way he used to stare at her when she wanted to play with him and Matt and they’d told her no. Repeatedly.

His lips thinned.

“What I mean is, my priorities are you, me, and my assets. That’s it. I can’t be responsible or accountable for anything else. Besides, our handlers know what happened. If there’s something sensitive in there they need to get to someone, they’ll make it happen.”

You. Me. Assets.

Rand liked lists. Order. She’d thrown away hundreds over her lifetime. There were still times she’d open a book when she was at home and find a list crammed between the pages. He’d rewrite a list until he had everything in the right place. Most important, to least.

He’d put her at the top of his list.

They were words, but they were important.

Rand had changed. But she was still important to him. The same way he was to her. For now, that was enough.

“What’s in the briefcase?” he asked. “Eat.”

“I can’t eat and answer.” Still, she spooned a bit of rice and held it. “You know I can’t tell you what’s in it.”

“Can it wait?”

“I…think so.” The hitch was, she was the only person who could open it. She knew that. Her handler knew that. And the person she’d deliver the remaining contents to also knew that. No one else did. “What do you want us to do now?”

“I’ve been thinking—”

“You have a plan? Shocking.”

“Shut up, you.” He tossed the corner of the bedspread at her.

Sarah grinned. They weren’t that different now, were they? Her heart didn’t seem to think so. In an instant, it was as though she’d hit rewind on her life and they were teenagers again, hanging out in her room because Matt was grounded and Rand was bored. She’d lived for those weeks, when Rand would come over to see her, and not her brother.

She stuffed rice in her mouth before she said anything she’d regret.

“We wait until nightfall, move to one of my off-the-grid hides. I have supplies there. While you clean up, I can find you a change of clothes. I also have a suture kit there.”

“Oh, goodie.” The constant throb in her arm was uncomfortable, but not really painful.

“Once we set up the meet, we’ll need twelve hours to get into position. After we hand off the goods, we’re done. We can arrange an extraction for the both of us.”

“What about your assets?”

“They’ll have their own way out of the country.”

“You’ve clearly thought of everything. Have you been here long?” She nibbled on more of the food without really tasting it.

For eight years, she’d wondered where the hell Rand was, and now she had the chance to ask him to his face. And she couldn’t.

“Seventeen months, two weeks, three days and…” He glanced at his wristwatch.

“I get it.”

Rand. So literal sometimes. She couldn’t help but smile. God, she’d missed him, but she didn’t even know him anymore. What could she say to him?

I’ve missed you.

I hate you.

How could you?

It physically hurt to look at him, as if someone were ramming a knife between her ribs over and over again. She almost wanted to pull up her shirt to see if she was bleeding.

His voice dropped, softer, quieter. “How’s your brother?”

The elephant in the room.

“Matt’s good.” She pushed the rice in her bowl around.

“What’s he up to these days?”

“Working. Burping babies. He married Emily.”

“Wait—your friend, Emily?”

“Yeah. We made him go with us that last year in Thailand. I think it was always going to happen between them. She’d crushed on him since we were teens.” Sarah smiled. Emily was the only person Sarah had trusted enough to share her girlish attraction to Rand. She missed her friend, but there was no doubt in her mind Matt needed Emily more. “They have two kids. Jonah, who’s four, and Jillian, who’ll be one in two months.”