Spoiler Alert (Spoiler Alert #1)(89)

Brent wasn’t worth a moment of April’s time or a single one of her tears. But JoAnn . . .

JoAnn wanted to protect her daughter. JoAnn had the best of intentions. JoAnn loved her daughter, loved her sincerely, but hurt her anyway. Again and again.

The thought of April growing up like that gutted him.

Fuck, he wanted to hold her. Needed to hold her. Instead, as he tried to find the right words, he fisted the steering wheel so hard he was surprised he didn’t pry the leather free.

But when his mouth opened, she held up a hand. “Let me get this out, please.”

More copper spilled over his tongue, but he nodded.

“I wanted you by my side today, holding my hand. To show them I don’t need to change how I look to have a good relationship, and to support me as I had a hard conversation with my mom.” She rubbed her bloodshot eyes and sighed. “I really needed my boyfriend, not the public version of you. But I didn’t tell you any of that, so you don’t have to apologize. It’s fine.”

Amid the upheaval of the afternoon, her near-instant forgiveness was graciousness he hadn’t expected and wasn’t certain he even deserved. Maybe she hadn’t told him enough before the visit, but he should have asked what she needed from him, not assumed.

His failure roiled his stomach, but this wasn’t about him. Not at its heart. He had to remember that.

He didn’t speak until she met his eyes again.

His hand was an inch from hers, but he didn’t close the distance. “May I?”

When she nodded, he let out a slow breath and interwove their fingers, placing their joined hands on his thigh. With his free hand, he reached over and swept away a stray tear from her jaw, keeping the pad of his thumb gentle and light on her salt-stained skin.

She didn’t flinch or edge away. Thank fuck.

His incipient nausea eased as the dread—his fear that this afternoon would end their relationship, that she’d never forgive him—drained away with each arc of his thumb.

“April . . .” Bowing his head, he lifted their tangle of fingers to his cheek and rubbed. Kissed her knuckles. “You’d said you and your father were estranged, and you seemed anxious about the visit. So my goal today was to keep him as far away from you as possible. Since you said he was all about appearances, I figured the best way to do that was to be—”

“Not yourself.” Shit, she looked tired. He hoped she’d let him drive them the rest of the way to Berkeley. “I get it. Well, now I do, anyway.”

He’d make it up to her. When she saw her mother again—if she saw her mother again—he’d do whatever she needed. Be whatever she needed.

And in the meantime, he’d give her all the love he could.

He’d give her love because she deserved it, and because he couldn’t help it. He was so fucking smitten with her, his adoration spilled from him like water from a fountain or blood from a wound. He exhaled love with every breath. It floated behind him with each step, bright as fireflies in the dark of night.

Most of all: he’d give her love because he wanted to earn her love in return.

And to do that, he needed to make absolutely certain she understood why he’d disappointed her, and just how sorry he was for doing so.

“Within two sentences, I could tell your dad was a dick. Which I’d already guessed, since you’re estranged, but it wasn’t hard to see why.” He sighed. “Your mom seemed genuinely affectionate with you, though, so I thought it was safe to leave you two alone, while I kept him away. I’m so sorry.”

Her hands were icy, and he chafed them, trying to lend his warmth.

She watched, her exhaustion visible in her boneless slump and painted in dark circles beneath her eyes. “She is genuinely affectionate. That’s not the problem.”

“I know that now. I’m sorry,” he repeated, his voice raw. “If I’d had any idea she was badgering you like that, I never would have abandoned you.”

“No need to apologize.” Her jaw cracked with her yawn. “You didn’t know. I didn’t tell you.”

As she sagged against her seat, she began shivering, even though it wasn’t actually cold in the car. Emissions be damned, he promptly turned on the engine and set the thermostat as high as possible, flicking her seat warmer onto its hottest setting too.

She didn’t protest.

He cradled her face in his hands. “April, I swear I’m nothing like your father. In general, because he’s an asshole, but also . . .”

When he trailed off, shifting in discomfort, she filled in the rest.

“You don’t care that I’m fat.” Nuzzling her cheek against his palm, she closed her eyes again. “Which I should have known from the beginning, given the way we met.”

On the Lavineas server? What did that have to do with her size?

“Given the—?” He paused. “On Twitter. Yes, given the way we met.”

Shit, he’d almost forgotten. Almost revealed exactly how long they had known one another. Jesus. As if the afternoon somehow required even more drama and conflict.

He brushed his lips over her forehead, then her nose, before giving her a brief, gentle kiss on the mouth. “I love your body exactly the way it is, April.”

“I believe you.” Her faint smile lightened his heavy heart. “Even an actor of your talent couldn’t fake how you look at me. Especially when we make love.”