Silver Tears(76)

Alice smiled again.

“When he sees the pictures and the footage, I guarantee he’ll do everything we ask. Otherwise we’ll send it all to his wife.”

“Good,” said Faye.

She looked at Nora again; she had fallen asleep against Ylva’s shoulder. She looked just like Julienne when she was asleep. For a moment, Faye wanted to cry. For Julienne. For Nora. For Ylva. For herself. For them all.





FJ?LLBACKA—THEN

By the slimmest of margins, I managed to do it all. I fetched the bag from the corner, got on my front under the bed, and pulled out a new beer, opened it, and emptied the powder into it before Sebastian returned.

I passed the new bottle to him. He accepted it without a word, then sat down on the bed and raised it to his lips. He took a big swig.

He was still cautious—as if he couldn’t believe that I had suddenly given in and was going to let him sleep with me without putting up a fight.

“Could you change the music?”

“What?”

Now I needed to get him to drink the rest of the beer, to keep him away from me for as long as possible. The mere thought of what I might have to do with him made me want to vomit.

“Maybe Metallica?”

He nodded. Got up, went to the stereo, took out the CD, and ran his finger along the row of CD cases until he found Metallica. He inserted the disk and pressed play. He turned the volume up slightly.

Then he stood in front of me.

“I need to be more drunk,” I said. “I know what we’re going to do is wrong, but I can’t help liking it.”

“Let’s play catch-up,” he said.



I smiled.

“Good idea.”

I tipped my head back and we downed our beers simultaneously. I held my breath to avoid the taste. I gasped when I had finished it all. Sebastian wiped his mouth. He looked at me hungrily and an unpleasant shiver ran through my body. How long would it take before the tablets took effect?

“Have you got any porn magazines?” I asked.

I knew he had a stash. Sometimes he kept them behind the radiator, sometimes under the mattress. He turned and stuck his hand under the mattress.

He passed me a magazine. The cover showed a woman with enormous boobs parting her legs for the camera. Her pussy was shaved.

I opened the magazine and leafed through it.

“What do you like? Is there anything you want me to do?” I said, my gaze firmly fixed on the magazine. Anything to delay, to give the sleeping tablets time to take effect.

He shrugged.

“There must be something you like more than other things?”

“I don’t know,” he said quietly.

“I’d like bigger boobs. Don’t guys like big tits?”

Sebastian didn’t answer.

I carried on turning the pages.

“If you’d said you liked being with me, I would never have let them touch you,” he muttered.

I looked up from the magazine. He didn’t meet my gaze.

That’s a lie, I thought to myself. You would never have stood up for me. You’re too much of a coward.

Instead, I said: “I know.”

“That means it’s my fault they’re dead.”

You’re right, I thought to myself. And soon you’ll be dead too. I’m never going to shed a tear for you. Because I know what an awful, cowardly excuse for a human being you are. You’re never going to ruin anyone else’s life.



“Don’t think about that now.”

Sebastian yawned and his eyelids fluttered. He leaned back, resting against the wall. His eyelids began to close.

“Lie down,” I said. “And I’ll make you feel good.”

I closed the porn mag and put it aside. I crept closer to him and put the pillow under his head. Sebastian already seemed to be asleep, so I curled up next to him and contemplated his peaceful face.

I lay still for a while to make sure the tablets had definitely taken effect. When I was certain that he was deeply asleep, I got up from the bed carefully and went to his desk. There was already a sheet of paper in his typewriter, so all I had to do was type up a suicide note in which Sebastian said that he missed his two friends and felt so guilty that he hadn’t been able to save them. Since I was a better writer than he was, I kept the language simple and made a few deliberate spelling errors. It took some time, since I was using two of his lighters on the keyboard in case anyone dusted for prints.

I left the letter where it was so that whoever came into the room would quickly find it.

And then it was time for the heavy lifting.

Moving mechanically, I went to the wardrobe, opened the door, and found a belt. I remembered to position the chair. I lay down behind Sebastian with my legs on either side of his body, put the belt around his neck, and pulled. It was hard. Harder than I’d expected.

I stood up on the bed, pulled harder, bracing my legs. His face went blue. He gasped for air. But his eyes remained shut.

I carried on pulling with all my might for at least five minutes before I finally let go. Then I reached out with one hand and touched his neck. No pulse. No life.

The body really was heavy. I squatted on the floor and slowly dragged him across the room. Once there, I heaved him onto the chair under the pull-up bar. I struggled to attach the belt to the bar. Then I kicked the chair so that it fell onto the floor. Sebastian was left hanging loose-limbed from the belt.