Silver Tears(34)

“But what?” said Faye, unable to stop her wounded emotions from creeping into her voice.

Irene delayed her answer. She turned her wineglass around in her hand, then put it down on the marble coffee table, stood up, and bought herself some time by turning on some lamps.

Faye didn’t push her. She saw at once how haggard Irene was and all the anger drained from her. Something had happened and she owed it to Irene to give her the chance to explain herself.

Eventually, Irene sat down next to her on the sofa and picked up her wineglass. She settled in the corner, drew her legs up under her, and took a deep breath.

“It was the morning after the day of our lunch. A man was waiting for me outside the door on the street. He had an envelope for me that he asked me to look inside. And he said that once I’d looked inside the envelope I should expect a call. I took the envelope and he vanished before I had time to react. At first I laughed at it. It felt like something from some dumb spy movie. But then I got up to the apartment and I…I opened the envelope.”

Irene took a mouthful of wine.

“What was inside?”

Irene didn’t answer. She blinked a few times before finally meeting Faye’s gaze.

“The envelope contained my secrets.”

“Your secrets? I thought your life was an open book.”

“That’s what everyone thinks. I’ve managed to craft my own background, my own story that everyone believes. It’s not hard, you know. Drop in the occasional anecdote. The odd planted story. A cohesive media narrative. No one asks any questions.”

Faye nodded. She of all people knew that. If only Irene knew. The media’s basic task—other than reporting—was to scrutinize critically. But no one in Sweden ever scrutinized a good story. And both Irene and Faye happened to be excellent at just that: good stories.



“I didn’t grow up in Bromma. My parents weren’t lawyers. My mom was the only parent I knew. An alcoholic bitch called Sonja. I hated her with all my guts. But I repeated her mistakes. Ended up in the wrong crowd. Drank too much. Took…other stuff too. Got pregnant. Couldn’t, didn’t want to, keep the kid. So I gave it up for adoption. I have no idea where it is today. Well, I had no idea. There were photos of her inside the envelope. She’s grown up now.”

Irene laughed when she realized what she had said.

“Of course she’s grown up now. Stupid observation. She…she’s around forty. A prosecutor, in J?nk?ping, of all places. Husband, two kids. Happy life—at least, judging by her Instagram handle, which I’ve been stalking like mad ever since.”

“And you don’t want to ruin her life…”

Irene met Faye’s gaze. An ocean of pain could be read in it. Faye’s anger vanished. She understood. Completely. You did what you had to. To protect your own.

“No, I don’t want to ruin her life. So I sacrificed you. That’s the hard truth, I can’t hide it.”

Irene had aged before Faye’s very eyes. They weren’t close enough friends for Faye to put a hand on hers to comfort her, but she set down the glass and clasped her hands in her lap.

She spoke calmly to Irene—she wanted her to take in every word she said.

“I understand you. I completely understand you, and I would have done the same thing. And I’m guessing you’re not the only one to have sold your shares who received an envelope like that. I have to confess I’ve been feeling hurt, upset, and confused. It’s felt like a knife in the back. But now I understand what happened and I’ll say it again: I would have done exactly what you did. You’ve given me an important piece of the puzzle. Thank you.”

“It doesn’t feel like there’s much to thank me for,” said Irene in a muffled voice.



“There is,” said Faye, standing up. “Now I’ve got to go home. And it’s time for you to go to bed.”

Irene accompanied Faye to the door.

“I’ve asked around about Henrik’s company since all this happened,” she said.

Faye raised her eyebrows.

“Oh?”

“The way they treat women there,” said Irene, making a face. “They’re just eye candy, they never get to rise through the ranks, they don’t listen to them. It’s as if they haven’t changed with the times.”

Faye sighed. Hearing Irene say this was like a reminder of all her years with Jack.

“I’m not really surprised,” she said.

Irene shook her head.

“Nor am I. But, Faye, I’m so relieved to have spoken to you,” she said. “I’ve been feeling so awful.”

Faye laid her hands on Irene’s shoulders.

“First: there are no hard feelings on my side. And second: Are you using Revenge’s creams, or are you cheating on us?”

Irene grinned.

“Cheating. I’m old school. I only use Nivea, like a grandma.”

“Fucking Nivea,” said Faye, giving her a hug.

As she went down in the tiny elevator, she could see Irene through the grille. They waved to each other. Faye leaned her head back against the mirror in the elevator. Irene had given her an answer but she wasn’t sure that it helped her.





FJ?LLBACKA—THEN

I was probably the only person in Fj?llbacka who didn’t like sailing. The sea scared me. That was why I was surprised to hear myself say yes when Sebastian asked whether I wanted to come sailing with him, Tomas, and Roger.