She Drives Me Crazy(25)
Nearly everyone has something to say about it. The Cleveland triplets corner me in the library and demand to know how I asked Irene out. I’m only slightly offended that, just as Irene predicted, they assume I did the asking. A few straight kids congratulate me for helping Irene to acknowledge her sexuality (“You guys are so brave”) while the queer kids pat me on the back for swelling our ranks. Even Gino pulls me aside before economics to admit I have more game than anyone suspected.
Gunther and Kevin seem wary of me. When our physics teacher takes us outside to launch the catapults we’ve been building this month, the two of them make a show of examining the grass and the weather conditions before they finally ask me what’s going on.
“So you’re really going out with her?” Gunther says, loading peanuts into the catapult.
“Why is that so hard to believe?” I ask. I know I could tell them the truth if I wanted to, but it seems safer to limit the secret to Danielle.
Gunther shakes his head. “She’s really hot.”
“And I’m not?” I shove him playfully, pretending the insinuation doesn’t hurt. I think back to the few times Tally told me I was hot. I never quite believed her.
“You know we think you’re pretty,” Kevin says, bending down to make notes in our lab notebook. “But wouldn’t it surprise you to hear I was going out with her? The last person I went out with was Nina Bynes.”
Nina Bynes is a sweet but dorky girl who pulls her books around in a carry-on suitcase. Gino refers to her as the flight attendant. For the three weeks Kevin went out with her, people kept telling him to buckle his seat belt. Gino wouldn’t stop joking that Kevin’s tray table was up.
“I know what you mean.” I sigh, digging my shoe into the dirt. “She is, as the kids say, ‘out of my league.’”
I kneel down to trigger the first launch. The sun is blinding and I have to squint across the soccer field to aim for the plastic hoops Mrs. King set up in the distance.
“I didn’t realize she was into girls,” Gunther says. “I’d heard that rumor, but I thought it was just Charlotte Pascal starting shit.”
I look up at him. “Wait. What rumor?”
“That she and Charlotte hate each other because Irene made a move on her last year.”
I’m distracted by this sudden development, but before I can say anything, Honey-Belle appears at my side.
“Hi, Scottie,” she says brightly. “How’s my favorite girlfriend-in-law?”
I blink. “What?”
“Oh come on,” she says, cheesing hard. “Irene’s my best friend, and now you’re her girlfriend, which makes us in-laws.”
If I didn’t know any better, I would think she was messing with me, but she seems entirely earnest.
“Hi, Honey-Belle,” Gunther says in a high-pitched voice. His cheeks redden. “You look nice today.”
She cocks her head at him. “Thanks, Grover.”
Kevin snorts under his breath. Gunther glares at him.
“I wanted to tell you how happy I am for you,” Honey-Belle continues, touching my arm. “You’re just what Irene needs, even if I didn’t see it before. I mean, the sexual tension was obvious, but I never sensed the true affection underneath.”
I stare at her, at a loss for words.
“You and Irene had that much sexual tension, huh?” Kevin asks, elbowing me.
“Oh, it was overflowing,” Honey-Belle says seriously. “So thick you could spread it like peanut butter.”
“I think maybe you’re misinterpreting—” I begin.
“But it’s really cute to see you together now,” Honey-Belle plows on. “When I asked Irene about it, she could barely look me in the eye. She only gets like that when she’s shy.”
“Right,” I say.
“Anyway, I’ll see you later, Scottie. Bye, Kevin. Bye, Grover.”
She skips away, leaving Kevin to laugh at Gunther and me.
* * *
Later that morning, I receive a single text that validates this whole damn thing.
Tally Gibson: You’re really dating her?
I feel so smug in that moment, it’s a wonder I can tolerate myself. I’m smirking when I text her back.
Me: Yeah, so?
Only a small, distant part of my brain pays any thought to how Irene is handling this. From what I can tell, it’s benefiting her: I overhear someone in the cafeteria line whispering that her coming out makes her “more relatable.” When I see her in Senior Horizons that afternoon, she looks for all the world to be as regal and untouchable as ever. She shoots me a smile that to everyone else probably looks flirtatious, but to me seems to say This is such bullshit and these people are idiots and I might kill you but I haven’t decided yet.
I smile back and even toss in a wink. I can almost feel her straining not to roll her eyes.
* * *
When I get to practice that afternoon, my teammates give me more shit than anyone. “So you’ve finally moved on from Tally?” they ask, and I can feel how it’s a victory for them as much as me.
“Irene is hotter anyway,” Googy says, “but I don’t know how we should feel about you trading basketball for cheerleading. Didn’t wanna stick with athletes?”