Secret Heir (Dynasty #1)(90)

No hot-blooded male would be able to resist that and although Raph has never spoken about that period of time he spent trying to make things work with Layla for the sake of duty, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that it must have involved physical contact—kissing, touching, having sex. The thought of his hands on her, his lips on her—those same hands and lips which are on my body every night, makes me feel so sick, that it’s an effort to keep walking.

“Hey—you okay?” Dani asks, noticing the change in my demeanor.

I let out a long sigh in an attempt to calm the paranoia raging inside me.

“Yeah, I just realized that Raph and I probably won’t see each other much during the holidays,” I manage to reply.

Understanding dawns on Dani’s face.

“You’re worried about Layla,” she says knowingly, and I wonder how in the relatively short period of time that I’ve known this girl, she’s now able to read me so well.

“Yeah. I mean he told me that he doesn’t love her. I know that there’s nothing like that going on between them anymore. But we haven’t really talked about that side of things much more than that …”

A mischievous glint sparks in Keller’s eyes just then. Some part of me has been uncomfortable with talking about Raph and me in front of Keller at first, but she’s made it clear that although she and Layla have been friends since they were kids, she’s a neutral party. Raph is also her friend and I was surprised to learn that she thinks of me as one, too.

“Uh huh, too much fucking and not enough talking,” she says and I flush crimson in response.

Dani chuckles, but she knows the deal. Because that’s the other thing that Raph and I haven’t yet done, aside from talking about what’s happening between us. Even though most nights we would be clawing at each other, desperate to get closer, I could sense him holding himself back, keeping some part of himself leashed.

If I’m honest with myself, I’d admit that I want more than anything to break that leash and I can sense that he knows that it’s what I want, too. But still, he keeps himself reigned back, always stopping before we get that far. Even when I can feel his body quite literally quake with the effort, and I can see the all-consuming desire darkening those vivid blue eyes until they’re almost black. I know it has something to do with the fact that he knows I’ve never taken that step before, that he would be my first. But some paranoid part of me wonders if there’s more to it than just that.

“They haven’t actually done that,” Dani says on my behalf.

“The fucking, I mean,” she clarifies when Keller looks confused. Because although the walls in Sovereign Hall are thick, I know that some nights they must be able to hear the sounds we’re both making from my room.

Keller’s eyes widen almost comically.

“Hang on, wait. You’re kidding me, right?”

I’m still bright red, and although I feel ridiculously embarrassed, I manage to shake my head.

“No. Fucking. Way. All this time that Raph’s been up in your bed and he hasn’t even tried to go there?”

I shake my head again and Dani, as she always does whenever she asks me this same question, looks as disbelieving as Keller.

“Damn, Jazmine …” she trails off and she looks like she wants to say something more, but is holding herself back.

“What?” I ask.

Keller just shakes her head.

“I’ve just never known Raph to go without,” she says.

“Don’t get me wrong, I love Raph like a brother, but we all know that he’s not exactly one for self-restraint and who can blame him? Hot girls offer it to him on a plate, he takes it. Only Baron can top his record.”

I feel sick to my stomach now, and I don’t want to ask the next question, but I do anyway.

“You think he’s …” I can’t even finish the sentence without feeling like I’m going to vomit.

Keller’s eyes widen again.

“No—no. Of course not….” She trails off.

“At least, I don’t think so. I mean, anyone with eyes and ears can see that Raph is totally sprung on you, I’ve never seen his royal highness like this. Ever. I mean Baron’s having the time of his life teasing Raph about how whipped he is.

“But this is just so unlike him, that I don’t really know what to make of it.”

Keller looks at me thoughtfully.

“If he’s willing to wait for you, then it must be because he feels something really fierce for you,” she says.

“So you should have nothing to worry about with Layla.”

I try not to feel the hope growing inside me at her words.

“Except, Jethro St. Tristan was quite clear about Raph’s betrothal and that hasn’t changed as far as I know,” I reply pointedly.

Keller’s expression turns somber then.

“I’m not going to lie to you, Jazmine. You don’t need me to tell you how complicated and fucking messy this whole thing is. That’s what comes with getting involved with a Dynasty heir …”

Dani’s eyes flicker with something like understanding, and some part of me thinks that must be why she’s taking it slow with Lance, being careful, whereas I’ve been so totally foolish.

“Raph in particular, because he’s the heir to the throne. He’s always had the most pressure on him. But something tells me that if he’s as serious about you as I think he is, then nothing will stop him from being with you.”