Secret Heir (Dynasty #1)(89)
29
The next couple of weeks feel like they belong to someone else’s life; because my life has been this cold, desolate thing with loss as the only overpowering constant. But now, when I wake up every morning, it’s to the feel of strong arms around me, warmth flooding me and when I lie in bed at night, it’s to the feel of Raph’s body moving against mine, his lips on mine and on every other part of my body, including the most intimate parts that he and he alone knows.
The only overpowering constant now is how much I want him. I thought that the torrent of desire would fade after the first week but it hasn’t, not even a fraction. I can’t seem to get enough of him—the feel of his lips against mine, the taste of him in my mouth. I can sense that it’s the same for him, too, his crazed need for me seems to only get stronger each day. He can’t seem to keep his hands off me, can’t seem to stop kissing me.
In the midst of that insane need, there is also an aching tenderness which makes me feel like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff, looking down at a deathly drop which would most definitely shatter me into a million pieces, if there isn’t anyone there to catch me at the bottom. Sometimes he has those nightmares of his mother that tear him awake, panting in the middle of the night. But I’m there and the way that he holds me each time, makes me feel like I’m the only one who can make those shadows go away.
But it feels like there’s something deeper that draws us together, too. We train together almost every day after Raph’s soccer practice. Dueling against each other, honing our skills. Predictably, he beats me every time. But it’s always close and every duel is a reminder of how perfectly we fit together on an almost primal level. Equals in almost every way. As seamless and as natural as day shifting into night.
The rational part of me knows that this can’t possibly last. There is no happy ending here. At least not for me. But the way that Raph looks at me … as if I’m all that matters in this world, in this universe, makes it difficult to remember that stark truth. Because that truth does still exist. In some ways, everything has changed between us but in other ways, nothing has.
Raph is still the heir to the throne, he still has his future planned out for him. A future which includes his betrothal to Layla. We don’t speak about it, but that truth is there and with the passing of each day, I can feel it growing closer and closer, like a storm looming on the horizon.
“You excited for winter break?” Dani asks as we walk out of second period.
“I love the holidays—it is winter season after all, and no one does winter break like the Aspen Dynasty,” Keller replies.
I hadn’t even thought about it, although I knew it was coming up because Magnus called me a few days ago to arrange for me to be collected so that I could spend winter break at the Evenstar palace.
“I guess it’ll be nice to get a break,” I say. End of semester exams have been kicking my ass lately.
A stab of disappointment hits me when I realize that winter break will mean two weeks of being away from Raph. The Evenstar palace isn’t far from the St. Tristan palace by any means, but I doubt Magnus would approve of Raph sharing my bed there, especially because he has no idea that we’re now …
My train of thought stops there when I realize that I still have no idea what Raph and I are to each other. There are a few things which Raph and I have yet to do—one is to talk about what exactly is happening between us, which makes me utterly foolish. Because it makes me no different from all those other girls who are all too willing to jump into bed with Raph, knowing that he wants nothing more than to satisfy his base desires.
There have been no such other girls since that first kiss between us, though, and some part of me suspects, a while before that, too. But the thought is of little comfort. It’s the same foolishness that has stopped me from bringing up the subject because I’m terrified of the answer. Raph told me that night after the Fall Ball that it’s about more than just that with us. But I still have no idea what that even means or exactly how much more there is, because surely, there isn’t anything more that he can give me. His words return to me then—my life, it doesn’t belong to me, it belongs to my Dynasty, to my throne.
I’m suddenly not looking forward to winter break. Not at all. Raph would be in his palace, under his father’s watch, being reminded of all the duties, all the obligations that make him who he is, the throne that his life belongs to.
“There’s a big Dynasty Winter Ball each year which the Aspen Dynasty hosts. Mostly, it’s just spending time with family though,” Keller says.
“My little brothers terrorize everyone in sight. The Oaknorth Dynasty are pretty close to the Aspen Dynasty, so they spend a lot of time on our estate. You’re free to come along with Lance, if you want, Dani.”
Dani flushes in response.
“Not sure about that. Lance and I are taking things slow still. But my folks live in one of the worker residences of the Aldebran estate, so I’ll be close by.”
Keller rolls her eyes.
“The Aldebran Dynasty usually keep to themselves during the holidays.
“The St. Tristan Dynasty and the Delphine Dynasty though …” Keller cuts off mid-sentence when she realizes what she’s about to say. But I get the gist.
My stomach twists painfully when I realize that with the close links between the St. Tristan Dynasty and the Delphine Dynasty, Layla would likely be spending a considerable amount of time at the St. Tristan palace over the holidays, playing happy families with Raph. Being alone with Raph. He assured me that there’s nothing going on between them. But who am I kidding—he may not love her, but she’s still the most stunning girl I’ve ever seen in real life and she’s made it clear that she still wants Raph.