Scarlett Epstein Hates It Here(24)

Their squabble let him slip through the crowd and catch up with Ashbot.

He found her staring up at a giant display of new merchandise, mostly black, red, and white lacy underthings. But this particular line came in only two sizes—two perfect sizes based on surveys, research, and years of work. One for a woman aged thirty to fifty, the other for a teenage girl.

The large sign above the underwear table read:

FOR THE NATURAL ORDINARIA

(AND NEW MISS ORDINARIA!)

Ashbot looked dazed, like she was having a major revelation. Like whoever first invented fire. Gideon grabbed her arm.

“Come on. Now. We have to get out of here.”

The crowd started jeering and snapping thongs at them. A bejeweled one nearly hit Ashbot in the face. Gideon whacked it off course.

As he tried to firmly steer her out, she kept saying, “I get it now! I get it!”

Gideon gritted his teeth, trying not to elbow that sobbing girl in the face as he hustled them both out. “You get what?”

“People are mad because they want to be like me.”

Her tone was hard for Gideon to read.

Behind him, the protesters engaged in a collective groan/eye-roll situation. And one of them piped up from the way back: “Um, really? Anonymous would disagree.”

A bolt of lightning struck Gideon.

“Wait—what did you just say?”





Chapter 9


xLoupxGaroux: FINALLY, a slash couple: Jason/Gideon. Thanks for throwing me a bone.

WillianShipper2000: idk he seems pretty straight to me! :DD

xLoupxGaroux: babe, the ones who try too hard? they always try too hard for a reason.

DavidaTheDeadly: gideon and ashbot! #yasssss #gidbot?

MorwennaWraith: Hey, been lurking on here since the last chapter!! And OMG YES TOTALLY I THOUGHT I’D BE ALONE. #gidbot

WillianShipper2000: they’re sooo perfect and Gideon doesn’t even know it.

MorwennaWraith: I mean of course he wouldn’t want to be with her bc she’s his father’s invention but . . . romeo and juliet, namsaying?!

DavidaTheDeadly: yes yes yes exactly

MorwennaWraith: #gidbot!! i’m gonna go draw them right now in fact.

DavidaTheDeadly: oh! link when it’s up pls. i need a new pic for my cube.

xLoupxGaroux: Anonymous had better be a hot guy, is all I’m saying.

DavidaTheDeadly: this could be such a great character arc for both of them: gideon helps ashbot realize her worth, ashbot helps gideon not take everything so effing seriously . . .

I’m getting nauseated, so I jump in at this point.

Scarface: Guys, she’s a robot.

MorwennaWraith: That’s not what John would do. He’d make her better than the sum of her parts, LITERALLY

Scarface: But, like . . . maybe she’s just a robot. You know?

DavidaTheDeadly: um . . . no? what do you mean? if that’s true, who’s gideon’s otp?

xLoupxGaroux: Then where’s the story going? She’ll just start and end the same way? That’s kind of dull.

Scarface: She’s literally one step up from a love doll. She’s not his OTP! JESUS. Check yourselves, guys.

xLoupxGaroux: Um, is your DivaCup stuck in you or something? Why are you so worked up about this?

DavidaTheDeadly: when has John ever given us a character that was totally expected? literally 0.00 times; that’s what makes him so good.

MorwennaWraith: Made him so good. Ugh ugh ughhhh I hate thinking about it.

DavidaTheDeadly: he’s not dead.

Scarface: tbh you guys are kinda pissing me off.

xLoupxGaroux Gchats me privately.

xLoupxGaroux: OK. I need to know WTF is making you so upset about this. And don’t tell me you’re not.

Scarface: Uh . . . idk.

xLoupxGaroux: Seriously, I’ve never seen you snap at anyone before, even that time people commented on one of your Grecca fics that you stole the concept from Supernatural.

Scarface: FOR THE SEVEN MILLIONTH TIME, SIRENS ARE UBIQUITOUS GREEK MYTHOLOGY THEY’RE NOT ONE PERSON’S “CONCEPT”

xLoupxGaroux: You need a rabies shot.

Scarface: Ugh. Haha. God. I, whatever, I guess I’m weirdly invested because—they’re kind of, a tiny bit, based on people I know? Not entirely. I mean, there are no robots in my life, that I know of, so it’s obviously not the total truth, I’d say uh—it’s the truth massaged quite thoroughly.

xLoupxGaroux: You’re kidding.

Scarface: TBH I really wanted to keep us together! And writing! And this just seemed easier, as a starting point.

xLoupxGaroux: So, Gideon’s a real person??

Scarface: Uh

xLoupxGaroux: YES AND YOU’RE OBSESSED WITH HIM

Scarface: Maybe.

xLoupxGaroux: Do you really go to a private school?

Scarface: HAHA. I wish. I go to a public piece-of-shit school. Inside it’s all gray or burnt umber, like a jail. Has anybody in the history of education intellectually flourished inside a “burnt umber” building? I feel like, no. There’s always some big asbestos calamity that seems to travel around the building so we’re constantly relocating classes—it’s the worst.

xLoupxGaroux: Sounds atrocious. Where do you live?

Scarface: New Jersey.

xLoupxGaroux: That explains it.

Scarface: I know, right? What about you??