Sadie(24)

“I bet you can’t,” Javi says.

“Th-thought I’d try, though,” I say, brightly as I can muster. I give Kendall a small smile. “Hence, c-crashing your party.”

“Well. I’m sorry about why you’re here, but … I’m glad you’re here,” Javi says and it still doesn’t sound right. “Because Montgomery’s fucking boring. It needs someone new.”

“It’s not that bad,” Carrie says.

“No, it is that bad,” Javi replies. “It’s the same old shit, every day…”

Noah wads up a napkin and tosses it at Javi’s head. “If the same old shit is you not doing shit, then I’ll bite, you goddamn benchwarmer.” Noah looks at me and points to Javi. “He needs someone new. You into guys, Lera?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Javi says.

I shrug. “S-sometimes.”

“You, buy this girl a drink,” Noah tells Javi, and then to me, “You, get this boy laid.”

Javi’s face is a shade of red I didn’t think could exist in the natural world.

“You’re such an asshole,” he mutters.

Noah gives Javi the biggest, assholiest grin. “Hey, if you’re not gonna buy her a drink, you can at least buy me one.”

“We just went up there!”

Noah turns his bottle upside down. “And I’m out.”

“I’ll g-go with you,” I tell Javi, and that’s all it takes.

“I’m sorry,” Javi says after we climb out of the booth. He half-turns to give me the full force of his sincerity and ends up tripping over his own feet. “He’s really—”

“It’s f-fine.”

When we reach the bar, the bartender sets us up with a line of shots but instead of walking them back, Javi knocks one down and texts Noah, flashing the screen at me before he hits send: You want em come and get em. Javi picks up another shot and nudges one my way.

“To your sister,” he tells me.

I find myself blinking back tears at the unexpectedness of it, his kindness stealing some part of me away. I grab the shot with a shaking hand. I say, “T-to her,” and I barely manage to swallow the fiery alcohol down. I cough into my palm. “W-what was that?”

“J?ger,” he says and I know I’ll never be able to drink J?ger again. It will remind me of this moment, of her, of choking on my own grief in front of a boy whose name I knew before he knew mine.

“You’re, uh.” He pauses. “When I saw you dancing, I was like, wow.”

The liquor has loosened his tongue.

“Y-you act like a g-girl’s a brand new thing.”

“I’m just telling you you’re interesting,” he mumbles.

I notice Noah crossing the room toward us and I want … space. I want to take this moment alone with Javi and I want it to last longer. Something about that makes me ashamed. This isn’t what I’m here for. And maybe I’m a little wasted, thinking that it could be.

“You w-wanna get s-some air?”

“Yeah.” Javi nods eagerly. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

Leaving the bar is a truly wonderful feeling; I didn’t realize how stale the air was in Cooper’s until I take a deep, clean breath.

“N-Noah gives you a lot of sh-shit, doesn’t he?”

“That obvious, huh?” He shoves his hands in his pockets.

“W-what’d he call you? B-benchwarmer?”

Javi blushes. “Yeah … I’ve just never been that guy, you know? I mean, it’s not easy for me to…” He fumbles for the words but can’t seem to find them. “It’s kind of why I fell in with Noah and Kendall. They at least try to make things happen. But that’s the big joke—because I just sit on the sidelines and pretend to be part of it.”

“D-didn’t see them d-dancing with me.”

He smiles such a small, earnest smile. I can’t think of the last time I made someone so pleased with themselves. It makes me want to cry.

“I guess not,” he agrees quietly, like it means something.

“I’m g-glad you did.”

“I’ll be hanging at Noah and Kendall’s place tomorrow,” he says. “You should come.”

“Th-think she’d like that?”

“Kendall needs a shake-up.” He shrugs. “I see the way she looks at you. She knows she needs one. I told you, Montgomery’s a … it’s one of those cities that feels like a town. That’s why we end up here every week, just to get away from it.”

“W-will their parents b-be home?”

“Yeah, they might be around.”

“W-where do th-they live?”

“Two-twelve Young Street.”

A soft click inside me. A piece locked into place. This will lead me to Silas, who will lead me to Keith and in the meantime …

Maybe I could let myself have whatever this turns out to be.

“S-sounds like it could be fun.”

“Great,” he says.

We walk the edges of the parking lot. I stare at the stars dotting the ink-black sky. The farther we get from the bar, the more stars there are to see and it’s beautiful and its beauty makes me ache. I didn’t tell Mattie enough about this kind of thing, I don’t think. About small miracles, like the stars at night and how much brighter they seem in wintertime. The sun rising and setting and rising again. I decide to share the thought with Javi, just to release myself from it and he gives a small smile and says, “Small miracles. I like that.”