Run To Me (Lazarus Rising #4)(18)

He raked a hand through his hair. “I also see an ex-lover who didn’t exactly like our end.”

“What?” Her eyes went wide. Then narrowed.

“Things got tense.” Serious understatement. That was why he’d mentioned Reva Gray first in his text to West. She could be the bigger problem. “Reva wanted more.”

“More…what?”

This wasn’t going to win him any points with Willow. But he’d rather just tell her the truth and be done. “We were involved for sex. At least, that’s what I thought. No strings, not for either of us.”

Willow blinked. Once. Twice. Her expression seemed to go absolutely cold.

“Come on, Willow. People hook up all the time. It’s no big deal. I’m sure you’ve had—”

He stopped. Too fucking late.

Willow glanced away from him. “I have no idea.”

Shit, shit, shit. “I am such an asshole.”

“I think that you are.” She gave a brisk nod. “Apparently, that Reva down there does, too. You know what? I believe I will have that drink.”

She marched toward the bar and he looked around, wondering if there was a hole he could crawl into. Unfortunately, Jay didn’t see one, so he straightened his shoulders and headed after her. “I’m sorry.”

She held up a bottle of vodka. “Is this good?”

“Yeah, great. But, listen, I just didn’t think when I—”

“You constantly think. We all do. And you—well, especially you. I don’t believe your mind ever stops spinning.” Her cool stare raked over him. “I’m not so sure your brain works quite like everyone else’s. I tried to look inside, to see more than your fears, but I couldn’t.” She poured vodka into a nearby glass. A lot of vodka and chugged it right down.

“Baby, hold up, that’s too much—go slow with—”

She slammed down the glass and angrily confronted him. “I go slow with everything.” Her eyes gleamed at him. “I go slow because I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. You remember all of your lovers. What—dozens of them? Women who didn’t matter? Women like me that you just hooked up with and walked away—”

“They are nothing like you.” They needed to be clear on this point.

She flinched.

Fucking hell. Why could he not say the right thing to her?

“I’m going downstairs. I’m not the one who can get hurt. You stay here.” Her words were rapid fire. “I’ll find the bastard who shot me and deal with him myself.” She tried to march around him.

Jay caught her shoulders, held her tight. “They are nothing like you,” he gritted out, “because I never wanted anyone the way I want you.”

Her breath heaved out. “What?”

“They are nothing like you because you are strong—and, no, I’m not talking about your super strength. I’m talking about the core of steel inside of you. You’ve been through hell, but you’re still standing. Because you were strong before Lazarus. You’re strong where it matters most. In your heart, baby, and in your soul.” He sounded like a freaking greeting card, but it was true. She had to stop seeing herself as some kind of freak. She wasn’t.

To him, Willow was perfect.

“And I don’t just walk away from lovers. I’m not some user. I don’t screw every woman I meet. I happen to be pretty picky about relationships. Reva was a friend first. We thought we’d make good lovers. Didn’t work that way.”

Her lashes covered her eyes. “You think…you believe we’d be good lovers, too. You and I—”

“It’s not the same thing.”

“But what if you’re wrong about that, too?”

The way he was on fire for her? Hell, no, he wasn’t wrong. If they got together, they’d burn the bed down.

“What if you’re wrong, and then you walk away. What happens to me?”

“Willow…”

But she’d pulled away from him. “I’m going downstairs.”

“I’m coming with you—”

“No.” She pointed at her chest. “I’m the bodyguard, remember? I’m going back down, I’ll do a scan, and I’ll see who I can find.” Her gaze darted around the room. “This area is safe enough. I’m assuming that’s bullet proof glass?”

“Yes,” he hissed. “But Willow, we need—”

“I think I need more vodka,” she muttered as she headed for the door. “And I definitely need some distance from you.”

Hell.

Because of those last words, he didn’t follow her. He stood there, with his hands clenched at his sides, and he watched her storm away from him. Beautiful Willow. Strong Willow. Hurting Willow. He’d done that. With careless words.

The one person he wanted to treasure, and he kept screwing up.

He yanked out his phone. Texted both West and Sawyer Cage. Willow is heading to the lower level. Keep eyes on her. Anything happens to Willow…

His fingers paused because a wild, dark thought ran through his head. If anything happens to Willow, I’ll fucking lose my mind.

Jay swallowed. And he didn’t send that particular message to his friends. Instead, he just texted…