Ruined (Ruined, #1)(74)

He cleared his throat. “Nothing.”

“You can ask me anything, Cas. I’ll answer you honestly.”

He let out a hollow laugh, kicking a rock. “Honestly, huh?”

She swallowed as she watched the rock dart across the dirt. She deserved that, but she still wanted to yell at him that she had been honest about plenty of things.

He stuffed his hands in his pockets, his eyebrows knitted together. He grabbed her arm, bringing them both to a stop.

“Did you care about me at all? Because you acted like you cared about me, and then you just left me there to die.” His voice shook. “You didn’t even try to warn me.”

She opened her mouth, but only a strange sound came out. He was right, of course.

“Or am I an idiot to think you actually had feelings for me?” Cas asked before she could get a word out.

“You’re—”

“Were you just pretending to like me, because that’s—”

“Of course I wasn’t pretending!” The words exploded out of her before she could stop them. Heat spread across her cheeks.

Cas’s mouth had been open, ready with a reply, and he snapped it shut.

She cleared her throat. She’d already embarrassed herself horribly, might as well finish it off. “I fully intended to ignore you, but it turns out you’re very hard to ignore. I never pretended to feel anything for you, Cas. All of that was real, and definitely never part of the plan. And I should have . . .” A lump formed in her throat, and she swallowed, her voice shaking. “I should have warned you about the attack. I should have trusted you. I’m sorry.”

He stood motionless, staring at her. She was either relieved to get that off her chest, or hoping that the ground would break open and swallow her whole. The latter option was burning particularly bright at the moment.

Then his arm was reaching for her. He grabbed her around the waist, roughly tugging her to him. Her chest bumped his and his eyes burned with fire as he lowered his mouth to hers. She wrapped her fingers around his shirt, rising up on her toes.

He kissed her like she was in danger of slipping out of his arms. His lips were hot and insistent against hers, his hands pressing into her back and crushing her against him. She wound her fingers into his hair, and every piece of her melted into him with no hope of return. Even after he pulled away she would leave pieces of herself all over him, and none of those pieces were ever coming back.

She slid her hand down to his waist, tugging his shirt up and running her fingers over his warm skin. He sucked in a breath, his chest shifting against hers. She ran her thumb up his spine, hoping for that response a hundred more times. She wanted to feel his body reacting to her touch every day for the rest of her life.

She lost herself in the kiss for so long she felt a bit dizzy when he finally pulled away.

“I don’t know if I should have done—” Cas began.

She didn’t want to hear the end of that sentence. She cut him off with another kiss, putting both her hands on his cheeks. Her fingers grazed over the stubble on his jaw and trailed down his neck and to his chest. She wanted to memorize how he felt against her.

He wrapped his arms around her so tightly her feet almost left the ground. His lips left hers, but he didn’t pull away. Their foreheads touched as he spoke softly. “Promise me this wasn’t part of the plan.”

“I promise,” she whispered. “I tried so hard not to fall for you and failed miserably.”

One side of his mouth turned up, and he brushed her hair away from her face as he leaned down to kiss her again. He was slow this time, letting his lips linger and his breath tickle across her mouth. She let herself collapse into him, let herself forget where she was and what she had to do.

When they finally broke apart, his hair was messy from her fingers, his mouth red. She imagined she looked about the same.

“I should be most angry about you conspiring with Olso to start a war,” he said breathlessly. “Or about the fact that my father died because of events you put in motion. But I was most angry that you pretended to have feelings for me.” He shook his head, a short laugh escaping his mouth. “How stupid is that?”

She smiled, biting her bottom lip to try to keep her grin from spreading too far across her face. “You underestimate yourself if you think any woman would have to pretend to have feelings for you.”

He grinned, his cheeks turning pink. The expression fell off his face almost as soon as it came, and she knew what he was thinking. It didn’t matter how they felt about each other. There was no world where the king of Lera could be with a Flores, even if she hadn’t destroyed his kingdom.

“I was scared to tell you the truth,” she said. “I know it’s no excuse, but a tiny part of me was afraid you would immediately send someone to move or kill Olivia if I told you about the attack. I asked for them to spare you. But you saw the warriors. They’re not exactly taking orders from me.”

He nodded slowly. “You can have your sister when we get to the Southern Mountains. I’ll release her. Then I want you to run away as fast as you can.”

Gratitude swelled inside of her, and she had to swallow down tears. “Thank you, Cas.”

“You’ll probably need to stay hidden when we arrive. If my mother or Jovita sees you, I don’t think I can provide them with a reason why you shouldn’t stand trial.” He winced, like he was suddenly in pain. “I can’t order your execution. I don’t even think that’s what you deserve, and I would never recover from that.”