Royals (Royals #1)(74)
El laughs at that, and then, shocking me, she leans over and rests her head on my shoulder. “It’s all just so mad. I love Alex so much. I do.”
“I know you do,” I tell her, laying my cheek on her sun-warmed hair.
“But everything that comes with him scares the shit out of me,” she says. “And I feel like two different people all the time. Maybe even three. I want to be your sister, and Mom and Dad’s daughter, and just . . . me. But I want to be Alex’s wife, too. And being Alex’s wife means being a princess.”
“A duchess, technically, settle down.”
She laughs again, then lifts her head to look at me. I can’t see her eyes behind her glasses, but I feel her gaze on me.
“I’m trying so hard to be everything to everyone that I feel like I’m actually screwing it up. I haven’t been a good sister to you, I basically told Mom and Dad they embarrass me, and Alex . . .” She heaves a sigh. “I didn’t tell him about Seb because I thought it would upset him.”
“With good reason,” I remind her. “Alex punched Seb in the face.”
A sudden smile splits her face. “He did, didn’t he? So unlike Alex,” she muses, turning her gaze back to the city. “It was hot.”
“Okay, gross,” I laugh, nudging her with my elbow.
She nudges back, and a brief silence falls again. I wonder if we’re done when she says, “I have to do this. Be this. And for me, the gains outweigh the losses. But you didn’t choose this, Dais, and I never should’ve made you play along with any of it. I have Glynnis for that, and the Flisses and the Poppys of the world, but I just . . . I want you to be you. I like you. And I’ve missed you, Daisy.”
It’s not the most eloquent of speeches, but it still makes my throat go tight, and I nearly shove her with a “Shut up” just to shove down any inconvenient sisterly feelings.
Instead, I put my arm around her. “I love you, El,” I tell her, and she gives a slightly watery laugh.
“Now who’s being gross?”
But she puts her arm around my waist, and we sit up there on top of the world, watching the city for a long time.
* * *
? ? ?
When we get back to the palace, Alex is waiting for us, his face relaxing in a grin when he sees Ellie, and honestly, I’m not even that grossed out when they kiss. I’m just relieved.
When they part, Alex turns to me and reaches out to ruffle my hair. “At least we made your last week here an exciting one,” he says, and I smile back, stepping back from his hand.
“I definitely feel very royal now that I’ve witnessed punching and paparazzi,” I reply, then look around.
“Is Seb still here?” I ask, and Alex’s grin fades.
“No, I think he’s nursing his wounds and his pride at his club with the rest of his friends.”
That makes sense, and I’m glad I’m not going to have to run the risk of bumping into him for a little bit.
And then, from behind Alex, I see Miles coming down the back stairs, hands in his pockets.
Glancing over his shoulder, Alex clears his throat and takes Ellie’s hand. “We’ll let you two chat, shall we?”
Ellie gives my arm a last squeeze, and then she and Alex are gone, heading down the narrow hall off the main foyer, leaving me and Miles standing there.
“Are you getting beheaded?” I ask him, and he laughs, shaking his head.
“No, so far my neck seems to be in the clear,” he says as he reaches up to loosen his tie. He’s still smiling, but I can see how tense his shoulders are, and I remember that for all the joking, Miles could be in real trouble with the royal family here. His apartment, his school, even medical stuff . . . that’s all been on the Baird family dime, and what if this one stupid thing with me today put all that at risk?
It’s not worth it. I’m not worth it.
Ellie and I have made things right, so there’s really only one thing left to do here.
“Look, Miles,” I say, stepping back from him. “I really appreciate what you did today. Standing up for me, not letting Glynnis use . . . whatever this is.” I gesture between the two of us. “Oh, and also the kiss, that part was definitely A-plus, well done, you,” I add, giving him a thumbs-up.
The tips of his ears turn pink, and a dimple appears in one cheek as he tries not to smile, which is really very unfair right now.
Which is why I have to rip this Band-Aid off, and fast.
“But it’s not like there’s any chance of this actually going anywhere.”
That hurts to say more than I thought it would, and when he looks up at me, his brows drawn together over those green eyes, I feel like something is squeezing my chest.
“I’m going back to America and regular high school,” I hurry on. “And you’re going to, I don’t know, some university where people wear striped ties and spit at poor people.”
“That place actually rejected me,” Miles says, and I give a slightly forced laugh, shaking my head.
“Ugh, don’t do that,” I say. “Don’t be funny when I’m trying to—”
What am I trying to do? Break up with him? We were never really a couple, and one kiss doesn’t change that.
I move closer and lift my face, brushing the quickest of kisses on his cheek. Just over his shoulder, I can see the bust of one of Alex’s ancestors, and in the distance, I hear the steady tick-tick of the grandfather clock in the hall.