Rough Ride (Chaos #5)(42)

This wasn’t about the conversation we were going to have. Snap hadn’t left much in doubt that he wanted to go there with me. We had some tough stuff to get through, but Snapper had proved he was adept at handling me.

It was about after, when we’d go another there.

It was all well and good waking up with Snapper mostly naked in the bed he bought me in the house he’d given me after a perfect night.

But right then it was so much more.

If this conversation went well, this was going to happen.

And I knew it meant everything to him.

It meant the same to me.

So that other there we might be going to tonight had to go awesome.

Snap didn’t join me on the couch at first.

Instead, he put his plate and beer down on the coffee table and moved to the fireplace. He turned a knob on the side and the fire jumped to life.

He didn’t whip out his phone and set the speakers I’d noticed that were set in the ceiling to playing Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On.”

But it still set the scene.

Oh yeah.

I was nervous and feeling shy.

I pushed some butter chicken into the center pile of rice and shoved it in my mouth.

Snap sat opposite me on the couch and grabbed his plate.

I chewed, swallowed, and asked, “Do you do the yard work?”

He looked to me. “Come again?”

“The yard.” I jerked my head toward the door behind us. “It’s all set for the winter. Do you do the yard work?”

“No,” he told me.

He didn’t expound.

Then again, he didn’t really need to.

I looked to the plate, shoved some chicken korma into the rice and ate that, still staring at my plate.

“What gives, Scully?” he asked.

I looked to him, chewed, swallowed and said, “Nothing gives.”

His eyes narrowed. “You’re bein’ weird.”

“I am?” I asked.

But I was.

I was all the way across the couch, shoved into a corner, my plate in front of my chin like I hadn’t had food in six months and was intent to shovel it in, my body screaming, “This is my space, do not invade it!”

“We’re eating and having a conversation. I’m not gonna jump you on the couch through butter chicken,” he stated.

“You turned on the fire,” I pointed out.

“So? That fire rocks. It’s February. It was a pain in the ass to get that fucker in and I’ve never had the opportunity to enjoy it. So I turned it on.”

“It’s romantic,” I said softly.

“Yeah,” he agreed. “I’m here. You’re here. We’re gonna sort our shit so I’m feelin’ romantic, baby. But I’m hungry and we got shit to talk about so before I do anything about that feeling, I’m gonna eat and we’re gonna talk, and if we’re both there after, we’ll explore that feeling. Right now, it’s just nice to be sitting on a couch, just you and me, having dinner. We’ve never had that. So might as well do it up right.”

He did that all the time.

He always did it up right.

And he was very correct.

It was nice to be there, just Snap and me, for the first time.

It just sucked there was so much heavy we had to get through, hopefully successfully, before we could get past it.

I decided right then it was time to get past it.

“You know, you mean the world to me too,” I blurted.

He blinked.

I kept blurting.

“It’s just that I’m worried about losing you to whatever is going on with Benito Valenzuela and Bounty, because I’m guessing that’s dangerous. And I know Chaos are vigilantes and you patrol your turf and that makes me anxious. I also was with a guy but then started falling for you when I was with that guy and obviously you know I was with that guy so now you know that happened, and I’m worried that you’re gonna think I’m messed up, going from guy to guy to guy even when I’m with a guy and that might happen to you. The part, I mean, about jumping to another guy when I’m with you.”

I took in a huge breath and then kept talking.

“This house is beautiful and the bed is amazing but we haven’t talked about how much rent is gonna be so you’re not out money, looking after me. We also haven’t talked about how I’m gonna pay you back for the bed. And Mom pointed something out today that I feel crap about, knowing you had feelings for me and I was doing something dangerous, which probably worried you sick since you couldn’t protect me. And this makes me think that I’m all about me, or that you’ll think I’m all about me. Selfish and self-involved and not considering other people’s feelings.”

When I stopped talking and kept silent for a while, Snapper spoke.

“Is that it?”

He wanted more?

“Isn’t that enough?” I queried.

He nodded and said, “Just makin’ sure that’s all we got.”

“Um…do you have anything you wanna discuss?” I asked and finished apprehensively. “I mean, since it seems we’re setting the night’s agenda.”

He looked like he was trying hard not to start laughing.

Then his white teeth came out, sunk right in the center of his beautiful lower lip just like they did at Zip’s. I got mesmerized at the same time sidetracked, and it was me wondering if I should jump him through the butter chicken.